Katy Perry

Katy Perry had a busy night in Germany: As the host of the MTV EMAs, she did what every awards-show emcee does, and wore seventy billion different outfits. I got tired just sifting through the photos, and I didn't have to change my pants every five minutes to do it -- although maybe next time I will, just to increase my empathy. That way, when, say, Eva Longoria Parker hosts the ALMAs again and dons 15 separate ensembles, and I fug them, and she calls me up (you know, as she's wont to do) and goes, "Bitch, you don't know my life," I can be like, "Oh yes I DO -- do you KNOW how many t-shirts I went through last night while I was surfing for photos?" And then we'll cry and hug it out and she'll give me a pair of Louboutins from her closet as a peace offering.

Anyway: Perry. Let's start with what she wore on the red carpet.

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I don't mind this too much. From some angles, the black detail looks like a creeping skin disease, and I guess it is indenting on her left boob a little bit, and I am tired of fishtails... in fact, given all of that, why DOESN'T it bother me? I don't know. I actually think she looks pretty. And TINY. It's not that I ever thought Katy Perry wasn't super slender, but for whatever reason this drove it home.

Later, there was this:

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It's fine. It fits her boobs better. It's fairly plain, but for the adornment on her chest that reminds me of what might happen if you ran over an Everlasting Gobstopper with your car.

Once Katy got on stage, though, things took their usual turn:


I hope you guys have been checking out the comments on these Freaky Fug Friday entries -- seriously, we always knew our readers were smart and funny, but y'all are blowing us away with the awesomeness of your contributions. Even though we weed through the submissions to pick our favorites, there is so much more awesome to be found, you'd be doing yourself a disservice if you didn't pore through as many of them as you can. Bravo, Fug Nation.

Onto this week's Freaky Fug Friday.

THE PICTURE:

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THE FUGEE: Katy Perry, singer, kisser of girls for shock value and profit, girlfriend of British comedian Russell Brand.

THE CHALLENGE: Fug her through song. Pick a tune by any famous Perry -- Katy, Steve Perry, Aerosmith's Joe Perry, Perry Como, Perry Farrell, um... Perry... Mason -- and rewrite the lyrics to apply to this photo. You do NOT have to do the entire song -- just do enough that we get a sense of what you're parodying. Note: Include the name of the actual song in your entry. You know, just in case.

EXTRANEOUS DETAILS: Katy here is in the act of hosting the MTV European Music Awards, a night on which she wore several costumes, including the above.

IMPORTANT WARNING: Please keep your entry in the spirit of the site itself. We're pretty sure y'all know what that means.

Post your entries in the comments -- do not e-mail them to us, please! You have until Sunday night at 10 p.m. Pacific time. Per usual, the finalists will be put to a vote on Monday. Now go forth and compose!



October 8, 2009

Fugging Up In Fugas

I love the Muppets as much as anyone. I've watched The Muppet Show DVDs and plan to show them to my kids, I love their contributions to Sesame Street, I'm totally down with their movies (I mean, come on, Charles Grodin singing an operatic love song to Miss Piggy in The Great Muppet Caper is hilarious, as is The Baseball Diamond), and... look, the list is long. The Muppets rule. Puppets, on the other hand... that's a conversation for another day.

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But nowhere in my love of Muppets do I include, "I just want to put my ass on them!" Which is exactly what will happen to those sweet little faces when Katy Perry sits down at this event. Yes, I know, those aren't real three-dimensional Muppets she'd be squashing, but there's just something so off-putting about knowing she's about to go butt-cheek-to-jowl with Kermit and his crew.  Or that Russell Brand, Katy's new boyfriend, might later rip off the Muppet dress with his teeth before engaging in carnal activity the dress will have no choice but to witness. That's what it is: This dress is about to lose its innocence, and I am powerless to help it. DAMN YOU, PERRY.
October 6, 2009

Well Played, Katy Perry

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KATY PERRY: Hey there, Mr. Kaiser, sir.

KARL: Greetings, performer. What a fetching dress you're wearing. GLOW.

KATY:  It's one of yours.

KARL: By day you're charming. By night, a gleaming banana. SPLIT.

KATY: Oh, ha, I see what you did there! Funny!

KARL: No. Humor is the crutch of the plain, pet. BE GORGEOUS.

KATY: I don't think...

KARL: HARK. What's that I spy? Hint: Not a cat.

KATY: I... can't imagine.

KARL: You clutch my face. My head is a farm of inspiration, and it's the harvest. REAP.

KATY: Oh, great, because I have so many questions...

KARL: You mistake me. To listen is to find God in a pumpkin.

KATY: Is it... okay, how about this?
July 28, 2009

Fugly Perry

You know, I was all set with a longer post about the various gag-inducing, brain-bursting sins of wearing a droopy hot-pants romper with a bunch of wrist bands from two nightclubs and one rave she had to get to by exchanging an egg.

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[Photo: Splash News]

But I really think Katy Perry's facial expression says it all.

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You know it's Friday, and you're tired, when you think to yourself, "hmmm, I guess I DO really prefer fuzzy dice to bananas," and you're referring to clothing options.

Although I can't imagine in what scenario other than A Mental Stock-Taking of the Many Costumes of Katy Perry you'd be discussing the two at all. Well. I can. But it'd be as weird and unsuccessful dirty euphemisms and this is a family blog. (Although, if they're shaped like dice, you should see a doctor.)
June 12, 2009

Waking Up In Fugas

I'm starting to wonder if Grease was actually a documentary, and Katy Perry's costumer/personal shopper is one of the former Pink Ladies.

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[Photo: WENN.com]

Here's hoping it's at LEAST one of the crew from Grease 2 that she's working with -- yes, Rizzo was awesome, but those idiots from the sequel seemed like way more fun. Bursting into song while bowling, learning about plant reproduction, attempting to get it on in an old bomb shelter, AND at gas stations? Running around shouting the correct spelling of "Cool Rider" to nobody in particular? YES. For sheer lunacy that beats a choreographed number at the lunch tables any day.
June 11, 2009

Waking Fug in Vegas

It's hard to believe that this well-dressed and, frankly, pretty adorable girl is actually Katy "Sushi Leotard" Perry:

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[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Because THIS girl is so cute. Her vest is a little wacky, but she's working it and I love the orange skirt. She looks like the sort of funky but really cute girl who lives down the hall from you and has some kind of wacky business -- she's like a dog-walker or something -- that allows her to sign for packages for you and check on your pets while you're out and you think she's kooky but very trustworthy and she always has a funny story about, like, the time she got caught in a subway train with Bradley Cooper and how it was the best day of her life. You don't know her very well but she's charming and very pretty and you wish her the best. THAT Katy Perry seems like a treat.

Too bad THIS is the Katy Perry we usually have to deal with. BEHOLD:
June 5, 2009

Fugging Up In Vegas

This photograph was taken last weekend, at Japan's MTV awards, but I put it away and forgot about it -- and now I see why. Clearly, I WANTED to forget.

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Yes, undeniably, there is something artsy about the dramatic stripes and the peacock detail, but none of that eradicates the fact that a giant bird is staring me down from the vicinity of her crotch. A giant, legless bird-pod whose feathers are exploding out of Katy's groin. It's like a horribly overwrought metaphor for the plumage she CAN'T show because this outfit has forced her to cover her nethers.

Inside, though, she was back to her old tricks:
May 27, 2009

Fugging Up in Vegas

Katy Perry is all over the sequins this week, which is not a surprise considering that she actually showed up on American Idol wearing a cape BeDazzled with one of the contestants' names. (Which seemed like it was a bit unfair to the other contestants to me, as well as being potentially kind of awkward for The One Whose Name She BeDazzled -- like, how embarrassing is it to have to turn to your fellow contestant/friend and be like, "I did not know she was going to wear that.") Her appearance on AI, by the way, prompted several conversations with my parents about how they did not know who that Katy Perry person was, but they did not care for her and also, she can't sing as good as that Adam Lambert boy! (My parents loved Adam and made fun of me for thinking Kris was so cute. We talk about Idol a lot in my family. ANYWAY.) It's nice of her, though, to demonstrate for us the high and the lows of sequins. The hills and the valleys. The thrills of sequin victory and the agony of sequin defeat. For example, I think this is rather cute:

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It's sassy, it's short, it's sparkly, she's a pop star -- that's all expected and well and good and fine and dandy. The following, however...prepare yourself:

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