Katy Perry Archives

April 13, 2009

I Kissed a Fug and I Fugged It

Fug file:

"Oh, hey guys,

[Photo: Splash News]

Um, didn't expect to see you here. I'm just running out in my favorite pink leopard print leggings -- everyone's got a pair of THOSE, am I right?! - for a snack! See how I'm using my hot pink satin blazer as kind of a robe? WHO HASN'T DONE THAT, for real, right? Right? So anyway. I'm just running out for a Slurpee. Totally minding my own business. Just felt the need for some Cheetos. And a banana, maybe, or something -- you know, just a quick snack. So, I mean, you totally don't NEED to be taking pictures of me right now. I am not doing anything INTERESTING, really. Just a girl in her hot pink leopard print leggings and favorite old worn-in hot pink satin blazer making a run for the border! Taco Bell, I mean. I'm not actually fleeing the country. Anyway. Just running out for a sec. So....you can go away now. Nothing to see here. I'm not kissing any girls or jumping out of fruit or anything. So, see you later! When I want to see you! Later! That would be later! When it's CONVENIENT FOR ME AND/OR MY PRESS AGENT. GOOD-BYE!"

April 8, 2009

Fug N Cold

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My EYES. SWEET SAUSAGE SANDWICH, my EYES!

[Photo: Splash News]

This is a mind-bending satin collage of every sample picture that has ever come pre-loaded on any computer -- like having a hallucination involving marine life living inside a book of fabric swatches. I don't know whether to call my doctor or change my desktop background.

Apparently, one of the things Katy Perry did in this outfit was go bowling. I will ONLY accept that as logical if her date was this man:

Continue reading Fug N Cold.

February 19, 2009

I Fugged a Girl, and I Liked It

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OKAY, KATY PERRY:

We're ALL LOOKING AT YOU. Are you FINALLY HAPPY? If we all agree that you deserve as much attention as it is possible for the planet to give, will you cease and desist molesting poor innocent Hello Kitty and LEAVE US ALL ALONE FOR FIVE MINUTES? Thank you.

PS: Also, please stop dressing like a banana. It's ruining breakfast and that's nearly all I've got left.

January 19, 2009

NRJ Fug Awards

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I do not know what the NRJ Music Awards actually are -- other than being French, and....involving music -- but I know that any event whose red carpet invokes this expression on Katy Perry's face is A-OK with me:

That's shock with a splash of awe right there. And when you've shocked/awed a woman who has performed dressed as a banana, you've got to be doing something right. Something like this:

Continue reading NRJ Fug Awards.

November 21, 2008

Fug and Fab: Katy Perry

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It's much less lonely knowing I am not the only person out there who doesn't get the fuss over Katy Perry and her shouty singing voice and her addiction to satin hot pants. I still kind of want her to go away. But if she does, at least she'll have left me with an actual fond memory:

[Photo: WENN]

This is lovely. I still kind of want to hike the top up just a little, but otherwise, it's romantic and floaty and dreamy. I am pleased she went minimal with the accessories (except for that.... what, is it a Kleenex tourniquet on her right pointer finger? A ring from a crackerjack box?) and hair, too -- so often, she overdoes it to the point where you forget Katy Perry is a very pretty girl, but here she's letting her face carry it all, and as it turns out, her face is more than capable of being load-bearing. Which might be the strangest compliment I have ever written.

I'm less enchanted by what she wore on stage:

Continue reading Fug and Fab: Katy Perry.

November 7, 2008

MTV Europe Awards Fug: Katy Perry

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I'm learning that I must really not be a fan of Katy Perry. Thanks to my fondness for high camp, most crazy costumey outfits end up becoming so-crazy-they're-amazing, a la Posh or Grace Jones or Bjork. I mean, if you'd asked me in the moment, I'd have told you Bjork's swan dress was pure avian insanity, but now I look back upon it fondly and kind of miss it (and almost went as that for Halloween this year, before deciding it's stuck in a relevance netherworld: too recent not to seem passe, but not old enough to be a cunning throwback).

So, my point is, I usually love unabashed weirdness. And yet any time I see Katy Perry in one of her farcical confections, I just roll my eyes and mutter, "Oh, great. AGAIN? WHATEVER."

Let's start with this one:

Are her boobs SUPPOSED to look like giant, evil green eyes glaring back at me from her torso? Is she TRYING to make a play on that old chestnut where a guy stares at a girl's cleavage and she coos, "My eyes are UP HERE"? Or is it just an ugly dress that looks like someone sewed the bodice out of old shoulder pads? I don't know. But I do know that when the skirt if both wrinkled and a size too tight, it's probably not a very well constructed garment.

And this was the normal thing she wore. Behold the on-stage alternative:

Continue reading MTV Europe Awards Fug: Katy Perry.

November 5, 2008

Fug Kissed A Girl And It Didn't Really Care For Her

Fug file:

pastels,
WTF

I am confused:

What IS that? Is it...a ruler, in case she needs to measure something when she's out and about? Is it....one of those flat wooden paint stirrers, to be used in the instance that she just happens to stumble upon the opportunity for some impromptu room painting? Is it the swizzle stick for like a REALLY GIGANTIC cocktail? Is she going to use it to rap the knuckles of people who criticize her music/ensembles? (Sorry, Katy. Please don't hit me with your wallpaper-covered mini-paddle.) And, more importantly, just how uncomfortable IS it?

September 30, 2008

Well Played, Katy Perry

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grey,
pink

It's always a relief when Katy Perry isn't wearing hot pants, or tight satin, or outfits with unexplained airplanes all over the place.

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

Although maybe that just means my standards for her are far too low, and she could leave the house in a purple bedsheet and I'd praise her to the heavens for not acting like the flesh incarnation of Betty Boop. But honestly, I think she looks cute here. It's still a bold color, the coat is kind of edgy without being garish, and even the length doesn't stumpify her the way it might a lot of other people. It's almost -- dare I say it -- classy. And definitely still fun.

Or in other, more punny words, I unfugged a girl and I liked it.

September 11, 2008

I Kissed a Fug

Fug file:

[Photo: Splash News]

I fugged a girl and I liked it.
Bad taste, stupid outfit.
I fugged a girl just to try it.
Hope her PR don't mind it.
It looked so wrong
It felt so right.
At least she's not wearing hotpants tonight
I fugged a girl and I liked it.

No, you don't even know my name
It doesn't matter.
Your attention-seeking game
Is mere celebrity nature.
It's just what
These girls do
It's how they all behave
My head gets so confused
Brain feels concave.

I fugged a girl and I liked it.
I could not stand her outfit.
I fugged a girl just to try it.
Hope her PR don't mind it.
It looked so wrong
It felt so right.
She wants attention tonight
I fugged a girl and I liked it.
I liked it.

September 8, 2008

VMAs Fug Carpet: Katy Perry

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DUDE. We GET IT, Katy Perry. You're WHIMSICAL. You KISSED A GIRL! You think your ex is "so gay" because he has a scarf from H&M or something, according to the lyrics of your other single, all of which indicates a kind of very shallow take on sexual politics. You are coy! And twee! You probably have a lollipop in your bag right now! You always dress like the girl on the side of some hot WWII-era fighter pilot's plane. WE KNOW.

WE SO KNOW. Now, for the love of fishnet stockings and all they've managed to stand for over the years in this great country of ours, PUT. ON. SOME. PANTS. And maybe a top -- I think I can see your nipple here.

Katy Perry

I Kissed a Fug and I Fugged It

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Fug N Cold

Fug file:

I Fugged a Girl, and I Liked It

Fug file:

NRJ Fug Awards

Fug file:

Fug and Fab: Katy Perry

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MTV Europe Awards Fug: Katy Perry

Fug file:

Fug Kissed A Girl And It Didn't Really Care For Her

Fug file:

Well Played, Katy Perry

Fug file:

I Kissed a Fug

Fug file:

VMAs Fug Carpet: Katy Perry

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