Katy Perry Archives

September 30, 2008

Well Played, Katy Perry

Fug file:

grey,
pink

It's always a relief when Katy Perry isn't wearing hot pants, or tight satin, or outfits with unexplained airplanes all over the place.

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

Although maybe that just means my standards for her are far too low, and she could leave the house in a purple bedsheet and I'd praise her to the heavens for not acting like the flesh incarnation of Betty Boop. But honestly, I think she looks cute here. It's still a bold color, the coat is kind of edgy without being garish, and even the length doesn't stumpify her the way it might a lot of other people. It's almost -- dare I say it -- classy. And definitely still fun.

Or in other, more punny words, I unfugged a girl and I liked it.

September 11, 2008

I Kissed a Fug

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[Photo: Splash News]

I fugged a girl and I liked it.
Bad taste, stupid outfit.
I fugged a girl just to try it.
Hope her PR don't mind it.
It looked so wrong
It felt so right.
At least she's not wearing hotpants tonight
I fugged a girl and I liked it.

No, you don't even know my name
It doesn't matter.
Your attention-seeking game
Is mere celebrity nature.
It's just what
These girls do
It's how they all behave
My head gets so confused
Brain feels concave.

I fugged a girl and I liked it.
I could not stand her outfit.
I fugged a girl just to try it.
Hope her PR don't mind it.
It looked so wrong
It felt so right.
She wants attention tonight
I fugged a girl and I liked it.
I liked it.

September 8, 2008

VMAs Fug Carpet: Katy Perry

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DUDE. We GET IT, Katy Perry. You're WHIMSICAL. You KISSED A GIRL! You think your ex is "so gay" because he has a scarf from H&M or something, according to the lyrics of your other single, all of which indicates a kind of very shallow take on sexual politics. You are coy! And twee! You probably have a lollipop in your bag right now! You always dress like the girl on the side of some hot WWII-era fighter pilot's plane. WE KNOW.

WE SO KNOW. Now, for the love of fishnet stockings and all they've managed to stand for over the years in this great country of ours, PUT. ON. SOME. PANTS. And maybe a top -- I think I can see your nipple here.

August 21, 2008

I Kissed A Fug

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I don't even know any more.

[Photo: INFDaily.com]

The face of the woman in that revolving door pretty much says it all. Put yourself in Katy Perry's shoes: You wake up, you know you have some sort of public appearance today, so you go stand in front of your closet and try and figure out what would look best on you. Then, you VOLUNTARILY pull out a pair of purple acid-wash jeans -- which you had to expend considerable effort even to LOCATE, including phoning every Goodwill store within a ten-mile radius -- and slowly step into them.

I've already lost most of you, right? You're already like, "Forget it -- I am not high." And I haven't even GOTTEN to the part where you strap on tight Velcro high-tops, a starry tank top, and a sweatshirt that is an incomplete tribute to Hershey's Miniatures. Which no human being should ever do, because in addition to looking like a screen shot from a really old Sesame Street segment brought to you by the letters L, S, and D, it ALSO violates the sanctity of that bag of candy by totally forgetting the Krackel. Seriously, Katy, WHITHER THE KRACKEL? Do not dis the Krackel.

So... I give up on Katy. I'm forced to conclude that she just wants her picture taken -- just like all the other boring starlets and singers in this business. All that effort to try and stand out -- to be quirky for the sake of quirky -- and in the end, she's still just like the rest of them.

June 20, 2008

Fugy Perry

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It's been a strenuous week-plus of trying to care enough about Katy Perry to cover all her crazy outfits. But, bless her, she's doing what she can to keep things interesting. Half the time I think she's a Zooey Deschanel clone and the rest of the time I'm wondering if she's descended from Judy Tenuta.

In this particular instance, though, I think Katy is merely about to go onstage at a South Beach dinner theater production of Fiddler on the Roof, styled by Bob Mackie and directed by Dolly Parton.

June 16, 2008

UR So Fug

I'm starting to think Katy Perry gets dressed with a blindfold on, then rips it off on the red carpet so that every outfit turns into its own little surprise party.

With mixed results:

I feel you, Katy -- that's the same expression that's been on my face for the past 15 minutes. Hopefully somebody popped out of the paparazzi line singing "For She's A Jolly Good Fellow" and bearing a huge carrot cake, because she'll need a happy memory once she figures out her unflattering Betty Boop costume makes her crotch look like it's plotting something.

June 13, 2008

Katy Fugry

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"Wait, what? Where am I? How did I get on TRL? Hang on, so, okay, I was eating dinner at my house, and then I got that e-mail from Zooey Deschanel asking me to dye my hair green or else she will sue me for custody of her DNA, and ... I guess the last thing I remember is doing three shots of absinthe before climbing into bed with a copy of the Sears-Roebuck swimwear catalogue from 1952. I guess that was a bad idea...? Oh, God, why are people staring at my ass? What did I do? I'd better turn around..."

Continue reading Katy Fugry.

Katy Perry

Well Played, Katy Perry

Fug file:

I Kissed a Fug

Fug file:

VMAs Fug Carpet: Katy Perry

Fug file:

I Kissed A Fug

Fug file:

Fugy Perry

Fug file:

UR So Fug

Katy Fugry

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