Cameron Diaz Archives

November 5, 2009

Fug Box

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blue

I kind of want to like this. Indeed, I DO like it conceptually:

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

But Cammy, there's no shame in going up a size. Nobody will know but you. Trust me, it's worth it: You'll look better, you can inhale sweet oxygen, and you might even have room for some free appetizers and a cocktail. Hell, throw in that badass necklace, and for some of us, that constitutes a perfect night.

P.S. I think... no on the shoes. They're too heavy with the outfit. Hooves are for horses, not humans.

June 23, 2009

Fug Or Fab: Cameron Diaz; Whatever, TomKat

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[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

TOM: Um, Katie?

KATIE: Hmm? Oh, are you still here?

TOM: I was just wondering why you couldn't dress up a little for our friend Cameron's Walk of Fame thing.

KATIE: Can you see me from all the way down there? How sweet.

TOM: Honey, I know your jeans are supposed to look like that, but it looks like you haven't washed them in a month.

KATIE: Exactly. I paid a tremendous amount of money for blotchy jeans that look filthy. Get with the times, man.

TOM: And I don't understand what's going on with your t-shirt. Were you planning to tie it up into a pouch at your waist and smuggle out some snacks?

KATIE: Scientologist, heal thyself -- is that a tag on your crotch, or just a really bright zipper?

TOM: Also, it's hot out and you're going to get yellow sweat stains all over that cardigan.

KATIE: I don't sweat. I glisten.

TOM: I just think you should've tried a little harder for our friend Cameron. Especially because SHE seems to have put in some effort:

Continue reading Fug Or Fab: Cameron Diaz; Whatever, TomKat.

June 12, 2009

Fug-or-Fab The Cover: UK Cosmo

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Cosmo

As with a lot of magazine covers out there, it's not so much that Cameron Diaz looks BAD here:

[Photo: Splash News]

She just doesn't look like herself. In fact, this whole cover feels cracked-out, like it's a designer-impostor publication called Cosmicpolitan that's trying to trick people at the newsstand into thinking it's the real thing. Even the cover lines -- which, incidentally, match her lipstick -- read like a joke issue of Cosmo and totally dwarf her presence. Seriously, there are a bajillion things I notice on this page before I even notice the ID that it's Cameron Diaz: "great sex," "dress sexy," "butt naked," "Super Diet," and "sex toy." My eye actually even went to "stalker" first.

So as far as the casual onlooker is concerned, this might as well be some random blonde chick who -- thanks to sexy clothes and a 10-day wheat purge -- just had the best bronco ride of her life atop a butt-naked man that she stalked for a year, who knows how to use props. And maybe that's all true of Cammy here (I don't know her life), but if you're going to all the trouble of putting her on and in your magazine, don't you want to make it feel more unique? As opposed to using a photo that looks as if it got pulled from a 2003 archive that went on clearance sale, and which is now used exclusively in those 150 Great Looks For Blondes magazines you only see at your hairdresser's?

poll by twiigs.com

May 27, 2009

Fug or Fab the Cover: Cameron Diaz

Here's the thing about this cover: it's fine. Cammy D looks approachable and crisp. And maybe a little older than she actually is. But it's not HIDEOUS. She has all her body parts attached, she's not wearing a beach ball as a hat, she doesn't look as though she's had someone else's eyes photoshopped onto her face. And yet. One would hope, I imagine, that one would look AMAZING on the cover of Vogue, especially considering the fact that she looks fantastic in the photoshoot on the inside (and was actually, I thought, quite charming in the interview). The choices magazines make about their cover shots are often kind of beyond me -- obviously -- and I know there are a lot of factors to consider, but wouldn't you want the BEST picture to be the one on the cover? I know smiley photos sell better, as well as approachable ones, but I suspect that one of the reasons Cameron Diaz is successful in general is that she is almost ALWAYS smiling and approachable-seeming (excluding that time she was dating Justin Timberlake and they were both unbearable crabapples) so I'm pretty sure we're not in a situation where this was like the ONLY Smiley Approachable picture. I don't know. This just isn't filling me with the unbearable desire to plonk down $4 for the magazine. And while I've got you here: I'm thrilled Vogue is including "the fashion steal of the month" -- it's smart, considering Our Terrible Hideous Crumbling Economy RUN RUN TO THE HILLS -- but someone needs to give A Dubs the tip that a $300 bikini is NOT A GREAT DEAL. IT'S A BIKINI. TARGET HAS THEM FOR $30. SWEET FANCY SNICKERS, LADY, A $300 BIKINI IS STILL INSANE WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING I LOVE YOU DON'T HURT ME.

poll by twiigs.com

January 12, 2009

Golden Globes Fug Carpet: Cameron Diaz

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There are a few constants with awards shows: The band will try to play off the person who probably most deserves a moment in the sun (this year, Mickey Rourke), Ricky Gervais will go off-script any time he's given stage time until they break down and let him host one of the telecasts, and Cameron Diaz will show up looking like she forgot she has a head.

Other than the color, which suits her, the dress actually doesn't do much for me, either. I hate to break it to Karl Lagerfeld, since it's Chanel couture, but: It seems pointlessly busy. None of the details actually do much for her body or for the dress itself; they just seem like they're there because, well, it needed SOMETHING, and nobody had any better ideas. Her left boob appears shoved substantially lower than her right, yet paradoxically, the bodice is actively squeezing it up into her armpit. And the horizontal fold that ties into the rosette just looks like an unfortunate crease.

What really gets me, though, is that her hair is ALWAYS a total mess, and here it's no exception. Despite the cursory lip gloss, Cameron basically still looks like she's been out all night and just touched up the makeup she already had left over from her rollicking bender. And honey, if you can't be bothered with your roots, try hiding it with an updo. Or a ginormous, freaky hat. At least that would make us laugh and clap with camp-infused glee.

In fact, this was actually one of my very favorite shots of the entire telecast:

Continue reading Golden Globes Fug Carpet: Cameron Diaz.

October 2, 2008

Sympathetically Played: Cameron Diaz

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bad hair

I have to say, I used to find Cameron Diaz kind of annoying -- although I liked There's Something About Mary. And the first Charlie's Angels movie is fun. And she was actually pretty good in In Her Shoes. Oh, and she's great in Being John Malkovich. Dang it. Okay, let me start over:

I have to say, I used to find Cameron Diaz annoying, although I secretly apparently really enjoy her oeuvre, with the MASSIVE and NOTABLE exception of The Sweetest Thing which is literally the worst movie I've ever seen. IT HAS A MUSICAL NUMBER ABOUT PENISES. I'm not kidding. You need to see it. Get ready to watch half of it with your eyes shut. (Uh, not particularly safe for work.) (Also, according to IMDb, the song was WRITTEN BY Cameron Diaz, Christina Applegate and Selma Blair, which sort of tips me back into being annoyed with her. It's that awful. And annoyingly Let's Hop On The Raunchy Humor Bandwagon, Girls! without being particularly realistic about the way that women are actually raunchy, which of course sometimes they are. Also, can we talk about how every character Selma Blair plays is essentially Cecile from Cruel Intentions? Thank you. Also, why are they doing the electric slide? Get back to me on that.)

God. Where was I? Oh, right. Cameron. Well, now I'm cranky again. But I was going to say that I am softening towards her, both because I apparently secretly enjoy most of her work and because she is basically the only woman in Hollywood who ever leaves the house with her hair looking the way mine does half the time, a.k.a. kind of a mess:

Speaking as someone with experience, I can tell you right now that C. Di has REALLY AMAZING bedhead. Like, epic. I'm just saying. So while the rest of her is like a super long, fit drink of water and she's a kazillionaire, I rather enjoy that we both suffer from the heartbreak of the tangle. Mayhap I will write a song about it.

August 6, 2008

What Fugs In Vegas

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dialogue,
Man Fugs

CAMERON DIAZ: I am just going to coyly fan myself. Like a geisha girl. I AM in Japan. It's like a shout-out!

ASHTON KUTCHER: Can you BELIEVE we're still promoting this movie? I don't even remember promoting it in America! Did it even come out?!

DEMI MOORE: Ashton, I told you not to wear that shirt. It's making me nauseated.

CAMERON: No, Ashton, I will not look at you directly. Your shirt gives me vertigo. I told you that earlier. But I look sort of adorable, don't I? I do.

ASHTON: This shirt is AWESOME. I bought it at the pro shop at Morongo Casino! Engelbert Humperdinck is playing there this weekend. I can't believe we're missing it.

DEMI: No, really. I feel sick. I hope I don't vomit on this dress. I look so put together otherwise. Barf will ruin it....Although that would be a good excuse not to sit through this movie again. I am a genius! Vomit it is!

May 2, 2008

Well Played, Cameron Diaz

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[Photo: Splash News]

ASHTON: Hey, Cameron! Nice to see you here! You look fantastic.

CAMERON: Hi, Ashton! You... are also here!

ASHTON: Oh, you're so funny. But seriously, I know you've had a really tough time lately with your father passing away and everything, so I just wanted to tell you that you look beautiful and we're all here for you.

CAMERON: That's so nice, thanks, Ashton. I... like your tie.

ASHTON: ... That's it?

CAMERON: You also have good teeth, I think.

ASHTON: Come on, man!

CAMERON: What? I'm just telling it like it is.

ASHTON: Okay, I'll let it slide this time, because I meant what I said. We love you and we're all happy to see you back and feeling better and looking fantastic.

CAMERON: Aw, thanks. And I don't TOTALLY hate what you're wearing. I just wish you didn't look like you forgot to shower after hiking Runyon Canyon.

ASHTON: ...Yeah, fair enough. Let's go watch the movie and then send Justin some cameraphone pictures of your legs.

CAMERON: Ooooh, and can we do one of me dancing in my underwear and shaking my butt at the camera?

ASHTON: Duh! That's, like, your signature move!

CAMERON: AWESOME!

February 25, 2008

Oscars Fug Carpet: Cameron Diaz

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Last year I wrote that Cameron Diaz's white Oscar gown "inspired me to plug in my iron." Which I remember not because I am so amused at myself, but rather because her gown this year felt like an equally dusty "before" shot from an ad extolling the glories of spray starch.

Last year it felt like a linen napkin; this year, it's a bedsheet, and -- it must be said -- possibly a very low thread-count bedsheet she bought from Target because her old linens smelled like Justin and so she had to burn them.

It doesn't get much better from the back:

Continue reading Oscars Fug Carpet: Cameron Diaz.

July 9, 2007

Fugeron Diaz

Cameron Diaz spent most of her I'm Over You, Justin Timberlake, And Everyone Please Also See My New Movie Shrek World Tour looking pretty great. And while I get that it was really hot at Live Earth here, and that a concert is naturally a casual event, there's something about this outfit that is less I'm Over You and I Look Awesome and a lot Bitchy 8th Grader Addressing Her Fellow Cheer Camp Attendees:

"Listen, you guys, the next person who drops the Spirit Stick gets KP for a week, I seriously mean it. And to the person who put those garter snakes in my bunk, I am totally going to find out who you are and you are going to be seriously so, so sorry. I mean it. You're dead. Okay, guys! That's it! Have an awesome day!"

Cameron Diaz

Fug Box

Fug file:

Fug Or Fab: Cameron Diaz; Whatever, TomKat

Fug file:

Fug-or-Fab The Cover: UK Cosmo

Fug file:

Fug or Fab the Cover: Cameron Diaz

Golden Globes Fug Carpet: Cameron Diaz

Fug file:

Sympathetically Played: Cameron Diaz

Fug file:

What Fugs In Vegas

Fug file:

Well Played, Cameron Diaz

Fug file:

Oscars Fug Carpet: Cameron Diaz

Fug file:

Fugeron Diaz

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