Cate Blanchett Archives

September 17, 2009

Cate Blanchfugtt

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It's an admirable effort from a sassy lady, but no amount of vamping can change the fact that Cate Blanchett is wearing a throw somebody's grandmother crocheted in 1974 and which has lived on the basement sofa ever since.

For real, there are probably several people out there reading this and going, "Hot damn, I lost my virginity on that dress." At least it appears Cate Blanchett is having more lasting fun with it than about 70 percent of those folks did.

August 5, 2009

Fug or Fab: Cate Blanchett

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red

Full disclosure: Mostly, I love this.

Cate Blanchett is just so striking, and this dress is a perfect example of something that is all about context. On some CW starlet it might just look like she's trying to be a more cheerful version of Mary-Kate Olsen; on Emma Watson, I would wonder if she'd stolen the official witch's robe of the Hogwarts sex-ed teacher; on Liza Minnelli I would fear she had fallen into the orchestra pit and banged her head on a tuba, because there are no sequins here; on Michey Rourke, I would probably applaud, because it's a huge upgrade. You get the idea. Cate looks graceful, relaxed, and radiant, not to mention she bested many others -- like her countrywoman Melissa George -- by resisting the urge to wear a searing crimson lipstick to match. Lovely.

But. BUT. The shoes. It falls apart for me with the shoes. They are not only a different red, but they are officially too MUCH red. I feel a bit like I'm in a bad movie, where I'm driving along celebrating the glories of pretty things and then all of a sudden it appears road stops and I have to hit the brakes or else I will plunge into a rocky abyss, and I skid to a halt with one tire spinning off the road and my car wobbling precariously on the edge of the cliff. So, while I collect myself and vomit into the glove compartment at my near-death experience, you make the call.

So help me out here:

poll by twiigs.com

July 8, 2009

Transfuggers 2: Revenge of the Fuggen

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CATE BLANCHETT: No, see? I wear this color foundation because it matches the rest of my skin.

MEGAN FOX: Uh-huh.

CATE: No, truly. It blends. It blends IN. I look one uniform color, right? It appears natural. Your face is like an entirely different color than the rest of you, don't you see? It all ends at the middle of your...well, your Adam's apple area. There's a line there that oughtn't be there, I'm afraid. In fact, if I may give you some advice...may I, Megan?

MEGAN: Uh. I can't actually even believe you're speaking to me at all. So, yeah. Yes. You can. Please.

CATE: Well, it's rude to ignore ones seatmate. Anyway, what I was going tell you is that acting and make-up should both seem natural. Effortless. Do you understand what I'm telling you?

MEGAN: Yes? And mine are...not?

CATE: See! Knowing is half the battle! Now, shall we relax and just talk about our pretty dresses?

MEGAN: You are so nice!

CATE: Well, I am a great actress.

December 10, 2008

Fug or Fab: Cate Blanchett

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metallics

Just yesterday, my friend Grant and I were talking about how gorgeous Cate Blanchett looks in the ads for Benjamin Button. And she does. There's a huge billboard of her face at one of the stoplights on my way home and I am regularly kind of transfixed by it. This is likewise transfixing:

Do I love it? Do I hate it? Is it slowly hypnotizing me with its metallic, snake-like, undulations? I don't know.

poll by twiigs.com

December 9, 2008

The Curious Fug of Benjamin Button

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Based on the sheer number of e-mails we had about this outfit when I rolled out of bed and changed into my blogging pajamas, I expected to see Cate Blanchett wearing a lantern and a pair of Spanx on her head. In fact, I was actually surprised and disappointed to see her only wearing this:

Now, don't misunderstand: That is nuts. It's like she squeezed herself into a one-legged unitard and then had her stylist -- via an elaborate pulley system and/or a crane operator -- lower over it a dress made from glassware they sell at Pier 1 Imports. But Jessica and I were discussing that after doing this for so long, our reaction to this is, "Oh, Cate. OF COURSE." Because our girl loves a metallic, the shinier and more reflective the better, and she REALLY likes looking like a very attractive alien who has dropped by for a champagne cocktail while she contemplates whether she should turn our planet into a skirt.

So, yes, a big part of my brain is saying, "How can she walk in that thing without chafing her thighs, and also, why does she look like a Barbie that someone's little brother decided to partially mummify?" But another part is saying, "Step it up, Cate. We've been here. Elevate your loony glory to NEW levels of farcical folly." If anyone can, it's her.

May 22, 2008

Indiana Jones: Kingdom of the Crystal Fug

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There are times when I wonder if Cate Blanchett is actually incapable of bowing her head, because she always looks so supremely confident in everything she wears. On occasions like this, I keep expecting her to snap to consciousness and do what any of the rest of us would do: look down at herself and jump ten feet in the air and go, "AAK! DISCO BATHROBE!" and then borrow the doorman's coat and hide at the open bar. But no.

[Photo: Splash News]

Instead she's standing there quietly transcending it, like she does with everything she wears: "Yeah, I'm awesome-looking. And talented. I could be wearing a mother'f'ing disco bathrobe and it wouldn't matter. Wait, I am? Whatever. Have you seen my skin?" Not that I think Cate Blanchett is a cocky beeyotch -- just that, you know, she COULD be. I would be.

May 15, 2008

Cannes Red Carpet: Well Played, Cate Blanchett

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Do you think Cate Blanchett ever wakes up and thinks, "Damn. I am awesome"? She should:

If nothing else, I wish she'd teach a class at the Learning Annex called, "How To Wear A Dress Exactly The Same Color As The Rest Of You Without Looking Like A Whacked-Out Blood-Thirsty Zombie." I need to know her secrets.

November 2, 2007

Elizabeth: The Fuggen Age

ABBIE CORNISH: Yep, still a serious actress. A SERIOUS ACTRESS. Not anyone's Other Woman.

GEOFFREY RUSH: Let's see. I can't look at Abbie, because I called her Kate the whole time we were shooting because someone told me she was Kate Bosworth and then someone ELSE told me she was Tom Cruise's wife and what the hell do I know...

CATE BLANCHETT: I'm just proud of my work!

ABBIE: But seriously, what is Cate doing down there? I'm here in a suit, and she's wearing, like, a sparkly denim bag with strips of shiny crap studded with a bunch of buttons. It's the worst thing I've ever seen. It's like that chick from Pretty In Pink discovered a new color palette before anyone could cut off her hands.

GEOFFREY: ... but I can't look at Blanchett either, because I am allergic to things that look like a three-year old made them in pre-school...

CATE: Yep! Proud of my work and my hair! Life is good!

ABBIE: This is making me so mad. I have ONE series of suspicious moments with Ryan Witherspoon or whatever his name was, and nobody will talk to me; she wears THAT thing and all anyone can say is, "She's so talented!" I seriously need an Oscar. That thing is a free pass.

GEOFFREY: I kind of miss being in the pirate movie. With Depp and Bloom, I never had to avert my eyes ANYWHERE.

CATE: Abbie looks pretty. Geoffrey's shirt makes me crave celery. I'm having a very pleasant day.

ABBIE: It's not even a LEAD ACTRESS Oscar, either, though, so it doesn't even COUNT. She's in, like, Marisa Tomei-land. Which is practically a made-up place.

GEOFFREY. My eyes hurt. I have nowhere to go. This is so awkward. I need a whiskey.

ABBIE: Maybe Cate really IS pregnant again. She kind of looks like it. And it would explain the tent dress. Does pregnancy make you blind, though? Because seriously, she has to be blind, right? How sad. Maybe I can play her in the movie. And win a REAL Oscar. IN A REAL DRESS. God, it'll be sweet.

October 23, 2007

Cate Fugchett...?

It feels like 90 percent of the time we flip the Fug or Fab coin, it's because of something Cate Blanchett has worn -- which is one major reason we love her; the woman is never boring, nor is she afraid of anything. Not even our fictional Fug or Fab coin. Which, if it existed, would probably have either Intern George or a pair of Louboutins on one side, and leggings or a picture of Sienna Miller's closet on the other. Maybe there are two coins. Maybe we flip one of them to decide what goes on the other. Or maybe I need to climb out of this wormhole before it gives me insomnia.

Anyway: Cate. She's crazy. Or is she? Yes, she is. Unless she isn't.

Gorgeous face. Love the blowout. She glows. And you can't deny that dress has major drama, even if it does leave an odd amount of room for her to have a full pelvic cast tucked away under there, or perhaps a pony keg. But the bodice scares the bejeesus out of me. It feels a tiny bit like Lil' Kim gone couture, as if one of Cate's breasts MIGHT pop out with a pasty on it that's patterned after an Elizabethan ruff.

It is a rare day indeed when Cate Blanchett and Lil' Kim get to appear in the same post, but now that we're here, maybe we should take it a step further and arrange a rollicking tea party so that they can discuss the acquisition and application of matching high-fashion nipple covers, the appropriate length for a slit up your leg, and the underlying thematic similarities of She's All That and Elizabeth. You know -- Queen Liz the First got a makeunder and became one of the greatest monarchs England has known; Laney Boggs took off her glasses and bought high-heels and became... a really sort of marginally better-than-awful artist with nice cleavage. They're practically the same story.

poll by twiigs.com

October 2, 2007

Fug or Fab: Cate Blanchett

If anyone else showed up in this, I would be all, "Nice toga, LOSER."

Okay, except maybe for J.Lo, who -- wouldn't you agree? -- is practically The Block's answer to Cate Blanchett anyway. But Cate Blancett is cool, and possibly from the future, and I feel like she kind of makes her High Fashion Night With Polyphonic Spree thing work. I mean, maybe it'll turn out that we're all wearing fantastically colored togas in the future....right?

polls by twiigs.com...

Cate Blanchett

Cate Blanchfugtt

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Fug or Fab: Cate Blanchett

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Transfuggers 2: Revenge of the Fuggen

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Fug or Fab: Cate Blanchett

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The Curious Fug of Benjamin Button

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Indiana Jones: Kingdom of the Crystal Fug

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Cannes Red Carpet: Well Played, Cate Blanchett

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Elizabeth: The Fuggen Age

Cate Fugchett...?

Fug or Fab: Cate Blanchett

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