Courtney Love

May 26, 2005

Fugly Love

I kind of get the feeling that Courtney Love has no idea how to control her new, larger body, and that parts of it are sort of sloshing around, uncontained, like a Big Gulp spilling all over your gear shift when you take a turn too fast.


[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb]

Courtney, babe,  you just don't look comfortable. I feel like you're going to be tugging that shirt down all night. Invest in something that fits you a bit better. Or something. Man. Yeah. Honestly?  I don't know how to help you. Nothing there fits right. Your proportions are all off. In fact,  I'm just going to throw up my hands, and congratulate you on how cute Francis Bean is. She looks just like her Dad, doesn't she? In fact, -- oh, hell. I can't keep up the charade: YOUR BOOBS ARE HUGE NOW. I CAN'T STOP LOOKING AT THEM.  I'M WORRIED ONE OR BOTH MIGHT JUST POP OUT OF THAT TOP AND NOT IN A SEXY WAY, IN A "GOD DAMN I KNEW THESE BUTTONS WERE SUSPECT AND THAT'S WHY I TIED THE FRONT OF THIS SHIRT WITH A WEIRD LACEY THINGIE, PLEASE HAND ME A DING DONG BECAUSE NOTHING FITS AND THEY TOOK AWAY MY HEROIN" KIND OF WAY.

Seriously. A little more tailoring from you, a lot less caps lock from me. Is all I'm saying.

November 15, 2004

Tuppence a Fug

I am seriously in love with Crazy Courtney Love and I hope she never dies. I mean, honestly, the woman is (ostensibly) OFF drugs and yet look at what she's doing with her hair:


[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb.]

Is it me, or is that an actual bird's nest? I expect her to burst into a round of "Feed The Birds."

September 17, 2004

Fug Through This

From the Desk of Courtney Love:

In case you bitches were wondering, I am STILL TOTALLY OFF DRUGS. See? Am I not the PICTURE of TOTAL FUCKING SORBEI...SOBRERI....SOBREEIT...NOT BEING HIGH? Who am I wearing? STOP BOTHERING ME. But remember when I used to always wear Vercaccseessece, or however you spell it? I liked that. La lalalala la. LA LA. La. My necklace is so shiny! Oh, right. Well, this time, I just took this lacy curtain thingie off the window in Frances Bean's room -- I wonder where Frances Bean is, anyway. Huh. -- and wrapped it around me like a dress, over my favorite acid-washed long-line girdle. And then I used Frances Bean's Super Fun Barbie Makeup Kit and fixed the old face up. Somehow it got a little smudgey. Maybe that happened when I accidentally used the dog for a napkin.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA. I am really REALLY AWAKE RIGHT NOW. Do you want to go to Wendy's? I am dying for a Frostie.

LOVE,

COURTNEY!

August 16, 2004

Fugcentennial

For our 100th post, it seemed only right to revisit everyone's favorite fugging ground: Courtney Love, canker sore on the bitten, chapped lip of the Fug Prince.

Courtney, here arriving to defend her latest drug-possession charge, has apparently decided that if it looks like she knits in her spare time, she'll be spared hard time. I also hear she churns her own butter. Dangling at her side would appear to be a spare pair of overalls in case a cow needs milking, and I believe that's a book she is "reading" clutched under her arm ("What book are you reading, Courtney?" her lawyer asks. "It's about a baseball player dipped in alcohol," she says, gesturing glibly to her pristine copy of The Catcher in The Rye).

But what really strikes me is: From a distance... are we SURE that's not just Cameron Diaz with a bad peroxide job?

I mean, Cameron's already started taking a page from Courtney's novella -- it's not inconceivable that she's continued the metamorphosis.

This woman needs rehab? No way! Doesn't she look petulant? "Your hoooooooneeeeer, I don't waaaaaaaana go to rehaaaaaab." At least she managed to spackle enough Dermablend onto her rapidly disintegrating facial structure to look primarily human.

July 14, 2004

The Greatest Fug Of All

I know, I know -- saying Courtney Love is fuggin' fugly is a bit like saying Steven Tyler's mouth is a little larger than average. But when the Massive Genital Wart on the Crotch of the Grand Diva of Fug actually manages to out-fug herself, it's irresponsible to ignore it.

According to Reuters, Courtney Love has been hospitalized. From the linked article: "It's not drug-related," [her PR Flack] added. "It's a feminine issue. ...a medical condition relating to gynecological issues."

Just ruminate on that for a while.

July 9, 2004

Celebrity Problem Skin

Happy birthday to Courtney Love. Poor Courtney. She certainly looks fugly as hell, but we all know it's just because that's what being utterly batshit crazy does to one's face. Well, that and all the drugs.

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