Courtney Peldon

[Photo courtesy of Zap2It.com.]

We're really busy at Go Fug Yourself this morning, thanks to the Emmys, so this one is a DIY. Fill in the blanks: [ADJECTIVE] [ADJECTIVE] Peldon [VERB] [DERIVITIVE OF FUGLY] [SYNONYM FOR DRESS] at the Emmys. [INSERT VERSION OF "WHO IS SHE, ANYWAY?" HERE] Peldon [VERB] [SYNONYM FOR CRAZY AND/OR BLIND] and [ADJECTIVE SUGGESTING POSSIBLE MENTAL ILLNESS]. Peldon's [SYNONYM FOR OUTFIT] [VERB] [SYNONYM FOR UGLY]. [INSERT SNIDE COMMENT SUGGESTING PELDON MAY BE ATTENDING EMMYS AS A SEAT FILLER.]

Maybe it's the gin talking, but I think I'm falling in love with the Peldon sisters:

Look at them! Brown Peldon is wearing a jaunty James Spader in Pretty In Pink If He Were A Girl Whose Grasp of Current Trends Is About Six Months Behind The Rest of Us-type fedora and clutching her bedazzled-Coke bottle handbag, and Blonde Peldon is...being supportive in a midriff-baring satin top? I don't know.

They just seem so happy together. Can't you imagine their lives? They've got money from...something...and so, instead of working, they spend most of the day trying on a series of increasingly shiny outfits, jumping on their respective beds, and brushing each other's hair. Later, there's probably some crying about, you know, their empty, empty souls or something, but then there's probably also some sunbathing and a pedicure so it all evens out.

I smell a Peldon sisters reality show, people. And it smells like a potent cocktail of peroxide, Nads and sweet sweet desperation.

Courtney, give up. I don't care what that guy told you to get you to sleep with him -- you're not getting the part of Jeannie.

This outfit is 360-degrees of fug. The decision was never about whether or not it's bad, but which part of it is the most wrong: The tye-dyed fabric, the fact that it's jumpsuit-esque, the fact that the pants blouse mid-calf, the fact that the picture makes it seem like there's a chance she's wearing light stockings with her open-toed shoes, the limpness of her hair, or the pink lanyard thing dangling from her skull?

This looks like it was made for someone ten inches shorter than she is. There's some uncomfortable pulling and tightness in the crotch region.

Here's a thought, Courtney: JUST STOP SHOWING UP. It's much easier.

And don't even get me started on her sister's dress. It makes my eyes throb.

I know we just recently visited this territory, but the repeated appearance of Courtney Peldon at various events alongside people of demonstrably greater purpose in the acting world begs the question: Seriously, and we're not kidding, who are you, Courtney Peldon? And why do you keep showing up places dressed like a buffoon and posing for photographers in impossibly cutesy, saccharine contortions?

In a SHOCKING turn, Courtney has gone with something short and form-fitting, with thigh-high boots! Who could've predicted it! The strange stain-like blotch is an interesting wrinkle. It's very hip to run around town looking like you just dropped a meatball on your lap.

But who is this bozo? Aside from guesting on episodes of Boston Public and MTV's Undressed, Courtney Peldon hasn't done that much -- but she has achieved one remarkable feat: At the ripe young age of 23, she has given herself the look and feel of a 32-year old woman who is desperately trying to trick people into thinking she's 19. It's quite a stunning achievement.

Perhaps the question is, who the hell does Courtney Peldon think she is? I suspect she thinks she's Hilary Duff or Kaley Cuoco, but really she's some hybrid who has tricked people into thinking she might be Hilary Duff, so they'd better not turn her down at the door, or else she'll start singing as a form of torture. There's a touch of The Insanity in her always-wide-open blue eyes, and there's a touch of the ho in all of her clothing.

I mean, honey, if you HAVE to advertise...

IMDb is no help as to understanding this Courtney Peldon thing -- her bio names her, first and foremost, as "Ashley Peldon's older sister." Okay. And who the hell is Ashley Peldon? "Younger sister of Courtney Peldon." It boggles the mind. I mean...

Who wears this to a CELEBRITY GOLF event? Don't they know that "golf clubs" are a THING and not a mad-hip party place? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE AND WHY ARE THEY INVITED TO THINGS? That only encourages them to put on hooker shoes and pose! Stop the madness!

Somehow, I recognize Courtney Peldon's face, and know her name, despite the fact that I've never seen anything she's ever been in, and the only project on her CV that I recognize is the MTV soap/trainwreck, Undressed, which wasn't known for showcasing stellar thespian efforts, to say the least. She was recently the beneficiary of a piece in The Star which said, basically, "Courtney dresses like a two-dollar whore, but she's a good sport about how we make fun of her crappy outfits, so thanks, Courtney!"

To which I respond; Courtney, you dress like a two-dollar whore. What is going on here?

[Photo: Splash News]

Those are boots that Julia Roberts's character in Pretty Woman would have rejected as being "too trampy," even pre-Gere-Makeover. And what's she wearing around her waist? Is that a... what is that? Is it an angora obi? Did she decide to wear one of her mini-skirts as a belt? Is she attempting to single-handedly resurrect Units, except this time, fluffier and with less 80s Japanese influences? Or is it the hem of a fuzzy strapless top, the rest of which is buried under her wifebeater? And the skirt? Is that pink Astroturf? Is she auditioning for the role of a PowerPuff Girl? A heretofore unknown and clearly kinda sluttly PowerPuff Girl?

No, seriously. Who is Courtney Peldon and what is wrong with her?