Fergie (the Pea, not the duchess) Archives

September 16, 2009

Fug Fug Pow

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If the Pussycat Dolls ever came out with a line of swimwear, I think Fergie's getup here would be among the first items to hit stores.

Seriously, this is what you wear to the beach if you are blind. Or you really, REALLY trust your sunscreen-application skills.

Also, it really says something about the state of famewhorey artists today that I can look at Fergie in this outfit and be like, "Yeah, but where is your prosthetic udder and mask made of cheese?"

August 14, 2009

Well Played, Fergie/The F.U.G.

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Since I whiffed so badly last week and put up that photo of Fergie that I didn't realize was old, I'm compensating by addressing two of her recent outfits. And yes, I checked the dates. Which is not to say I won't do anything else stupid -- I mean, this morning I put the margarine away in the cupboard. It cannot be long before I'm washing my hair with the toilet duck and making my own leggings from back issues of The New Yorker.

None of which has anything to do with this photo, except perhaps in the sense that Fergie here has NOT made leggings that way (at least, not that we've seen).

In fact, she looks delightful. Yes, okay, that dress reminds me a bit of glowsticks. But I have happy associations with those batons of fun: Last time I basked in their petite radiance, I was in London at a performance of the absurd yet awesome We Will Rock You (because I am a total sucker for all things Queen), and not only had I just had a great time, but I was giggling at the signs outside the theater that pimped the show by saying things like, "The band is amazing," and, "It really reminds you how great Queen was," which have to be the most carefully written compliments in the history of West End reviews.

Bringing my digresion back to its point of origin: Fergie's electric dress here is fun and light-hearted and a pretty intelligent way to clothe herself for an awards show at which teens are choosing things. She doesn't look freakily mature or half-naked, nor did she pick something so precious that it's like she's trying to be 14 again herself. The shoes are wicked with it, and the arm cuff... well, look at it. Stare really hard. Does it not remind you of a metallic Sam the Eagle from The Muppet Show? I love that crabby bird. And so I endorse this outfit, and I thank her for not going the Lady Gaga route and making an accessory out of Sam's ACTUAL head.

I am not as comfortable with Fergie's next choice:

Continue reading Well Played, Fergie/The F.U.G..

August 6, 2009

Fug-Fug (or Fab) Pow

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FERGIE: Hey, look! I changed back my hair! I wonder when I did that.

ARMANI: I have ALSO changed something!!!!

FERGIE: You changed what dress you were giving me, I know that much. Didn't we discuss one that had a waist?

ARMANI: We did!!! But I decided I would rather you looked like a very large bridal handbag!!!

FERGIE: Yeah, well, mission accomplished.

ARMANI: You could keep your groom in there!!!!!!

FERGIE: Also, I think maybe someone was drunk when they hemmed this thing.

ARMANI: It was probably ME!!!!!

FERGIE: Or am I just wearing it crooked? God, it's like I'm ten years old and am trying to turn one of my mother's fancy skirts into a dress by yanking it up to my armpits.

ARMANI: We do not say the word "armpits" in high-fashion.

FERGIE: Sorry.

ARMANI: It's okay!!!! You still haven't guessed what's new with ME!!

FERGIE: Um. New... enthusiasm?

ARMANI: New bronzer formula!! I switched from 'Rich Mocha Sunset' to 'Toast Surprise'!!!

FERGIE: That's great. Knowing that will REALLY make me feel better if this skirt moves at ALL and the world realizes I'm wearing my laundry-day panties.

ARMANI: I think you look hot!!!

FERGIE: Strangely, so do I. My feelings are so confusing.

poll by twiigs.com

June 26, 2009

Fug or Fab: Fergie

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blue,
ruffles

Remember what Madonna wore to the Met Ball? (Hint: IT WAS CRAZY.) Ever thought, "I wonder how that would look if it were utterly de-crazied and kind of changed in a way that after I thought about it, I realized it wasn't exactly the same dress as much as it was a dress from the same basic family and designed by the same person, but I kind of thought it was the same dress before I had my coffee?" The answer hangs in Fergie's closet:

Look. It's been a CRAZY WEEK, right? I can't even imagine how crazed they all are at, like, Us Weekly right now, with all the shocking/tragic/unfortunate/surprising celebrity demises to cover in full. Frankly, Farrah Fawcett and MJ on the same day was too much for my synapses to fully absorb. Like....did that just happen? Because my brain feels swollen. I need more coffee. But regardless: I'm pretty sure I like this? She looks pretty, right? It's interesting, yes? It's kind of chic, no? Most importantly: IT'S FRIDAY, ISN'T IT? PLEASE TELL ME IT'S FRIDAY.

poll by twiigs.com

June 22, 2009

Fug or Fab: Fergie

If this is Fergie's idea of being "so 3008," then I think I'm okay with being "so 2000-and-late":

[Photo: Splash News]

What's bothering me is the netting and boning in the middle. I feel like her shirt is baring its teeth at me. A big ol' thick belt might've done the same thing and felt less threatening, although if she got THAT at Home Depot along with all her other accessories, it probably would've had a hammer and a socket wrench hanging from it.

Still, the silhouette is kind of funky, so I'm open to the idea that I'm just unable to understand next-millennium fashion. Perhaps my foresight needs glasses to process great distances.

poll by twiigs.com

June 11, 2009

Fug or Fab: Fergie

Fug file:

metallics,
sequins

God help me, but the edgy stylings of one Ms. Fergie Ferg Duhamel have been growing on me lately. I actually like this:

It KIND OF seems as if her midsection is being clamped by a gargantuan hair accessory, but somehow she makes it look good. And the underlying dress is sexy-short but not gynecological, and it has shape without being overly poofy and twee. (The bodice line is not actually crooked; it's just the angle at which she's standing.) I might even be starting to like the darker hair -- it makes her coloring pop out in an exotic way. I mean, am I secretly hitting the bottle in my sleep, shuffling in a half-dream-state to the bar and sticking a bendy straw inside my flask of tequila? Or is she looking kind of hot?

Wait, before you answer, check out another outfit of hers that's giving me a bit more pause:

Continue reading Fug or Fab: Fergie.

June 2, 2009

Fug or Fab: Fergie

Fug file:

blue,
great shoes

I am still not wholly on board with Fergie Ferg's darker hair. Obviously, it's a person's prerogative to do whatever she wants to her hair -- hence my dangerous and mistaken flirtation with Sun-In circa 1989-- but while I think I am sort of used to this look on her now, and the blonde was a mistake on my own part, I kind of prefer her with a sunnier do. That being said, let's talk about the dress:

Okay, before the dress: Yes, I see that her toes are hanging off the end of her shoe. Every time that happens, we get e-mails from people wondering why we haven't mentioned that, and it is because when you have a really high heel and you stand in one place for a long time -- as for a press opportunity like this -- your foot gets sweaty and you sort of slide down the arch of the shoe and this happens. Ain't nothing she can do about it in the moment, so it's doesn't seem fair to ding her for it. There we go! A much-asked question answered. Those ARE some wicked shoes, though. NOW, let's talk about the dress. Except for how I'm tired already from typing all this blah blah about sweaty feet and Sun-In and yadda yadda yadda.

poll by twiigs.com

May 22, 2009

Boom Boom Fug

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When I started surfing through Fergie photos, I thought this was going to be as weird as it got with her today:

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

I really ought to know better. Hair that looks like it was woven from furniture sold at Pier 1 Imports? That's nothing to Miss Fergie Ferg. So of course she had something else to drop on us:

Continue reading Boom Boom Fug.

May 21, 2009

American Fugdol

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I managed to polish off last night's two-hour Idol finale in about 20 minutes, so chock-a-block was it of cringe-worthy filler. In fact, the only performance I stopped on for longer than ten seconds was the one involving Queen; what can I say, I was practically raised on Queen music. And I think the timing of them dumping Paul Rodgers as a temporary front-man gels perfectly with Adam Lambert losing, so they can just plug him in there and go back on tour. Right? I mean, RIGHT? I've been saying all along he belongs in the We Will Rock You cast but being in ACTUAL Queen would be even better.

Seriously: The dude sang with Kiss and had to wear shoulder cages.

[Photo: Look, my camera had been drinking. Yes, that's it. Drinking.]

And he pulled them off with gusto. I may not be the biggest fan of Lambert's actual voice, but he certainly knows how to perform music I am interested to WATCH, if not solely HEAR. Adam stood next to Gene Simmons, who was wearing spiked silver armor, and held his own in studded half-globes that look like the frame around which someone's costume on The Tudors is about to be built. Were Freddie Mercury here, he'd be applauding and then asking Adam if he wants to borrow any of his old jumpsuits.

Speaking of jumpsuits:

Continue reading American Fugdol.

May 18, 2009

Fugler Momsen

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FERGIE: Listen, Taylor, we should talk.

TAYLOR: Can't talk. Need to look sultry.

FERGIE: Honey, listen. I'm wearing a harness. You see that, right?

TAYLOR: Sure.

FERGIE: A harness, AND a really long fake braid that looks like someone cut off a horse tail and sewed it to my bun.

TAYLOR: Whatever.

FERGIE: But nobody is going to care. You know why? Because of you. Because of THIS:

Continue reading Fugler Momsen.

Fergie (the Pea, not the duchess)

Fug Fug Pow

Fug file:

Well Played, Fergie/The F.U.G.

Fug file:

Fug-Fug (or Fab) Pow

Fug file:

Fug or Fab: Fergie

Fug file:

Fug or Fab: Fergie

Fug or Fab: Fergie

Fug file:

Fug or Fab: Fergie

Fug file:

Boom Boom Fug

Fug file:

American Fugdol

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Fugler Momsen

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