Fergie (the Pea, not the duchess) Archives

April 23, 2009

Fugden Bridge

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Aw, come on Fergie Ferg. How bad could it be?

Although...yeah, that IS a lot of inner thigh. But, as I recently read in one of the many many many many intellectually stimulating celebrity-centric periodicals to which I subscribe, you've got great legs! So good for you! Come on, sugar -- let's see the rest of the outfit!

Continue reading Fugden Bridge.

March 13, 2009

My Lovely Lady Fugs

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So...does this glum look mean that marriage isn't agreeing with Fergie Ferg?

The dress is fine, albeit bizarrely crunched up in seemingly random places. The shoes, I'm sure, cost some wicked ridiculous amount, despite essentially being kind of hideous and involving the use of sweatbands for ankle straps, but I can take a lot of stupidity in a shoe, for some reason. Perhaps because they're so small and far away from my face. But speaking of faces: girl, this hair is not good with yours. Don't get upset. I can't do the super straight, flat-ironed, center part thing, either. It makes me look like my face is the size of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man's. But suddenly, you're bearing a weird resemblance to Priscilla Presley, and while she was once a beautiful woman, my guess is that's not exactly what you're going for. What I'm saying, princess, is that you need a little softness around ye olde facial area. And maybe a smile: I'm concerned that your crabby visage here is going to show up in a tabloid under the headline, "Fergie And Josh: Honeymoon PAIN," after which the magazine will propose that you guys are on the autobahn to splitsville. When really maybe you just forgot to set the TiVo for Intern George's Triumphant Return to ER. That'd make anyone cranky.

February 5, 2009

Fug or Fab: Fergie

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First of all, we'd like to extend a public statement to Fergie: Girl, we did not think you and Duhamel would actually end up actually getting actually married. Surely you can understand this. It seemed like you were engaged forever! In Hollywood, that totally means things are fizzling out and you haven't decided how to break it to your publicist yet. But you two crazy kids managed to pull it out, and he's HOT and seems like a nice dude (I loved him on AMC). So, way to go. We hope you two lovebirds make it. Now, let's talk about your outfit:

From what I can understand, you were not attending a party at which the dress code was "Lacy Flapper." However, you look kind of cute as the aforementioned lacy flapper, although I hate the bow. And it's rather short. Although you have nice stems, as they say in Clueless. But the whole thing is kind of corny. But if a girl can't...oh FORGET IT. I can't decide.

poll by twiigs.com

September 16, 2008

Here I Fug

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"YES! I DID IT!"

"I FINALLY FOUND A LEGGINGS-BOOTS COMBO THAT MAKES MY THIGHS LOOK DISPROPORTIONATELY HUGE! GIVE IT UP FOR ALL THE GIRLS LIKE ME WHO WORK REALLY HARD FOR AWESOME TONED BODIES BUT ARE ADDICTED TO UNFLATTERING PANTS! HOLLA, BITCHES! ARE YOU WITH ME?"

poll by twiigs.com

August 14, 2008

Fug Girls Don't Cry

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accessories to the crime

It just goes to show how much more I like Fergie now than I used to.

[Photo: Splash News]

Back in the day, I'm sure I would have looked at this and snorted, "NICE OVER-ACCESSORIZING, ASSFACE. IT'S AUGUST." And now I'm just more like, "aw! She's going out to spy on someone! I wonder if she has a big newspaper with a hole cut out of it in her bag, or if she's just planning to hide behind a giant potted plant! Say hi to Josh for me, girl!"

August 4, 2008

Teen Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Fergie

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Well, I've gone back and forth and around in circles on this Fergie outfit. I am just about ready to pull out all my hair and move to Alaska, where Geo Beach can do a whole episode of his show on how blogging there is way harder than anywhere else because -- oh, I don't know, my fingers will be too cold to type, or something.

So I'm going to turn it over to the professionals and let you be the jury.

The prosecution is ready, having been gagging over the giant dried-out-looking braid for about three hours now, noting that they haven't seen a rope that unappealing since the one their seventh-grade gym teacher made them climb in class. Since the defense momentarily passes out from the potency of its rope-burn flashbacks and subsequent lifelong inadequacy issues, the prosecution charges forth with the suggestion that this is not Fergie at all -- that the Fergie WE know would never stick a disco belt over a clashing caftan and call it genius, which therefore forces them to conclude that Fergie skipped this event entirely in favor of making lasagna with Josh Duhamel, and sent her waxwork in her place.

The defense stands up and congratulates Fergie on that choice, because really, given the choice, we would all rather spend the evening making lasagna with Josh Duhamel; the prosecution objects, claiming the defense is simply trying to woo the jury by tweaking its hormones. Forced to make an actual statement, the defense decides to point out that the red parts of the fabric are really pretty; that the hot pink, while maybe a little overly bold, does at least add some drama;, and that it's all light-years better than when Fergie wore cropped ties and shirts tucked up into her bra. Confident in a victory, the prosecution shotguns a case of Diet Coke and breaks into a rousing rendition of "My Humps," until the defense -- misinterpreting "a rousing" as "arousing," hops on You Tube to look for some of Duhamel's greatest hits from his days on All My Children, forcing the judge to send the jury out to deliberate.

poll by twiigs.com

June 19, 2008

My Lovely Lady Fugs

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dialogue

FERGIE: Hey there, mama.

EVA MENDES: Hey, Mary-Kate!

FERGIE: What? I'm not Mary-Kate.

EVA: Oh, GOD, sorry, Ashley. I'm so sorry. I forgot to check your eyebrows before I made my guess.

FERGIE: I'm not an Olsen. I'm Fergie. The singer? Hot fiance? Peed myself?

EVA: Right. RIGHT. I don't know what I was thinking. You just look... Olsen-esque in that outfit, with that hair. But I should have known -- you're too orange to be an Olsen.

FERGIE: What's with you today?

EVA: You're also too orange to be yourself, though, actually.

FERGIE: Yeah? Well. Humph.

EVA: Your lovely lady humph. HA! I'm hilarious!

FERGIE. Sure you are. Speaking of which, did YOU always have such shelf-boobs?

EVA: Was that necessary?

FERGIE: Seriously, those things stick out way further than I remember, assuming of course that we've ever met before.

EVA: At this rate we probably shouldn't ever meet again. I don't think this went well.

FERGIE: No. You're not coming to the wedding.

May 30, 2008

Fug or Fab: Fergie

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accessories to the crime

I know, I know, but hear me out:

[Photo: INFDaily.com]

I am not a fan of that bag -- it's cute, but a little bit too Welcome to Junior High! May I Slam Your Head in a Locker? for me -- but I have a weird obsession with bright pants, and I think I might....really like these. Listen -- I hear you. I do. They're very 80s and sort of the color of pistachio ice cream and they're kind of silly and I RECOGNIZE that my fondness for bright pants is maybe a little bit ridiculous and....look. I know. She's wearing sea foam green pants and she's NOT swanning around the country club, twirling a strand of pearls around her index finger and eyeballing the tennis pro. She's wrong. They're wrong. I'm wrong.

polls by twiigs.com...

May 6, 2008

Met Ball Fug Carpet: Fergie

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And things had been going so well!

I am perplexed by the fact that she seems to have her wrap tucked into the top of her gown as some kind of impromptu sleeve, which is making her look weirdly wider than she actually is (which is: not at all), but it doesn't help that she looks INSANELY cranky. What happened in the car on the way over? Did she and Josh argue over the last of the Flaming Hot Cheetos? (Understandable. I can't stop eating those things even though they've been scientifically proven to make my stomach hurt. I am convinced they're dusted with crack.) Did the driver ask her if she's knocked up yet? (Also understandable, yet none of our business. Doesn't he know that you just closely study the waistline/drinking habits of every woman of child-bearing age and then speculate behind their backs?) Did Anna Wintour beat her in a footrace to the open bar? What up, Fergie Ferg? I secretly kind of love you now! Look alive!

February 6, 2008

New York Fugshion Week: More Day 4 and Some Day 5

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It's been an eventful Fashion Week full of wonderful lessons -- for one thing, we realized that since we last saw her, Brittany Murphy has turned 65.

Congrats, sweetie! And good luck in the shuffleboard tournament next week.

Brittany Murphy is by far the most entertaining person we've seen all week. No, for real, she was all melodrama and madness at Max Azria.
Amy Adams arrived on time to Proenza Schouler. Somebody dropped the ball when it came to teaching her how to be a celebrity at Fashion Week.
If she plays it right, that cute Ana Ortiz will probably be wearing Badgley Mischka for at least the next two years.
As much as we love Sophia Bush, we REALLY need new people to write about, so thank you, Perrey Reeves and Kim Raver.
Oh, Fergie-Ferg, no need to fidget. You look fine.

Fergie (the Pea, not the duchess)

Fugden Bridge

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My Lovely Lady Fugs

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Fug or Fab: Fergie

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Here I Fug

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Fug Girls Don't Cry

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Teen Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Fergie

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My Lovely Lady Fugs

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Fug or Fab: Fergie

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Met Ball Fug Carpet: Fergie

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New York Fugshion Week: More Day 4 and Some Day 5

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