Fug Madness

The first round ended on Friday with one more tight matchup, some moderately close contests, and a few blowouts -- some expected, some surprisingly decisive. If you haven't already, consider downloading and printing the full bracket, so you can fill it in as we go and track how things are shaping up.

Round 2 begins today. But first: Friday's results! Hooray! Click through to see what you've made happen, and who'll face off come Tuesday.

If you're just arriving here and have no idea what we're up to with this Fug Madness thing, click here and here for the information.

On the first day of Fug Madness, a No. 16 seed achieved something that it has never done in the entire history of the NCAA basketball tournament: knocked off a No. 1 seed. We can only IMAGINE the screeching Dick Vitale would have gotten up to, had this match been televised. Who would have thought that Lindsay Morgan Lohan, star of actual movies that were released in recent memory, would lose to Courtney Peldon? Admittedly, Courtney Peldon spent 2003-2006 wearing the most insane things she could find at Angry Bob's Discount Wrestling Superstore, but Lindsay Lohan spent, like, YESTERDAY and 100 days prior wearing leggings and thinking she looks super in them -- AND most certainly has the resources to improve her overall appearance. (We think.)

But that's the beauty of the tournament -- some days, the little guy just plays better, no matter what the pundits predict. Congratulations to Courtney for winning a fight that was tied at 50 percent apiece in the morning and almost equally neck-and-neck down the stretch. She should print that out and tack it to the bulletin board in her bedroom.

Thanks to everyone for keeping the comments section fun, wise and witty so far -- and remember, in fug as in life, your vote counts -- so drop by today's Cher, Bjork, Charo, and Madonna matchups if you haven't already.

After the jump, the official Day 1 scores and the list of Round Two matchups that will take place on Monday.   

Just a reminder for the final bracket of the day: please vote for the person you think is fugliest (based on clothes, hair, overall style... you know the drill as far as that goes), and please consider their entire body of work as you weigh your very mighty decision, not just the picture at hand.  PS: Your comments so far have been a scream.

(1) POSH   vs.  (16) KATE BOSWORTH

What can we saw about Posh that we haven't already said? She is amazing:

She is everything. She is a glamorous performing alien. She is a lover of hotpants. She is a secret Poison groupie. She is a raging Karl Lagerfiend. SHE OWNS A PAIR OF MOTHER-F'ING CHAPS. She is, as you see here, also perhaps a tennis ball, and/or is smuggling a pair of them in her chest cavity.  She is Posh. TREMBLE BEFORE HER.

And you might not think so at first blush, but Kate Bosworth might have a hint of our gal Vicks in her somewhere. At the very least, she might have lifted this from Posh's closet:

(2) BAI LING vs. (15) HILARY DUFF

I don't know whether to feel sorry for Hilary Duff that she drew Bai Ling in the first round, or pleased for her. La Ling is an incredibly formidable opponent, who only escaped a top seed because the body of work she's best known for is in fact her physique -- that omnipresence on the red carpet has yet to be matched by any achievements on her resume. But let's not write off Hilary altogether. Bai Ling is Bai Ling, but Hilary's hardly devoid of sins. Why, just last month -- on Groundhog Day, no less -- she performed in this:

Punxsutawney Phil saw a heck of a lot more than just his shadow that day. He may never come above ground again, in part because he's probably so offended that Hilary had already worn this at least once before, with different accessories -- like rethinking the under-bra and the shoes might make it more palatable. Hilary's also always been a big fan of formal shorts, thought leggings and a beret would make good bedfellows, and managed to make Rob Schneider look well-dressed.

But is it enough to compete with this?

(1) MISCHA BARTON vs. (16) KRISTEN BELL

Kristen Bell sneaks in at the lowest-possible seed because of what a solid recent history she has. The hemlines have risen, her legs look longer, and we've documented her improving taste an accidentally excessive amount. [We wrote a whole chapter in The Fug Awards about how she needed a fashion intervention, and lo and behold, she got one mere months before it was published. THANKS A LOT, KRISTEN. You couldn't have waited?] Why have we gotten so repetitive with our praise? Frankly, because we forget about the hot streak almost as soon as we acknowledge it. So potent was her stumpification of years past -- check it out here, along with some of her hits, in Kristen's personalized archive -- that it still bleaches our brains of her more recent successes. Although we'd be remiss in claiming that the hemline issue was her only problem.

[Photo: Splash News]

Watch that balance on your hideous straw wedges, Kristen -- if you fall over, that blouse-dress you're wearing will ride up all the way to Pantytown.

But Kristen has her work cut out for her if she's going to knock off Mischa Barton, who is prone to putting together fascinating -- read: WTF?!? -- outfits like this:

(2) SHARON STONE                 vs.      (15) EMMA WATSON

Where does one start with the delightful/crazy Sharon Stone? The fur bedspread she dragged around all winter, as if she would soon be forced to make her bed in the street?  This outfit, which appears to encompass the pelt of every animal currently walking the earth? The dress she ran through the office shredder? The hair?  The make-up? She's simply the complete fug package. She should teach a class, in fact, like Advanced Fugology 213.

Below, would be one of her most promising students:

(2) JENNIFER LOPEZ                      vs.  (15) NATALIE PORTMAN

Oh my god, taking the trip through J.Lo's archives on this very site has reminded us once more that J.Lo is a special, treasured genius who has earned her high-seeding in blood, sweat, tears, and chiffon. From her spectacular stage wear -- can we interest you in the world's most complicated halter top, complete with fireworks? How about a jacket made of Chewbacca? Or an adult-sized, bump-concealing South Beach Barbie costume? -- to her red carpet choices (shall we remind you of the turban?), she is a delectable melange of over-the-top, crazy-ass fug that can not be denied.

Natalie Portman's fug, on the other hand, CAN be denied, which is why she is but a lowly 15 seed.  That being said, this dress -- "important"  (which we occasionally feel is fashion-speak for  "ugly, but by a good designer") though it may be -- seems like something you'd have to be be talked into by a vigilant stylist armed with a bull-whip and a handful of tranquilizers:

(1) CHLOE SEVIGNY vs. (16) CAMERON DIAZ

Chloe is one of the founding inspirations for this site, having caused us to scratch our heads in confusion so many times it's a wonder we have any skin left up there. For instance, what is going on here?

It's a ... bra... strip... sheath. Yes! A BraStripSheath! Case closed! And yet, because she's cleaned up her act a little recently -- the above doozy notwithstanding -- we initially had Chloe at a No. 2 seed... right up until she made the catastrophic mistake of attaching both her name and her image to this line of clothing. Really, that's the most damning case against her, although if you peruse this exhaustive Chloe-themed archive, you'll assault your retinas with plenty more. Saddle up and wear some padded long johns under your jeans, because that is going to be a long and bumpy ride.

Cameron Diaz has come out of a period of relative success, in which she fearlessly deployed her best weapon against her Biel-banging ex: those mile-long muscular legs. The flip side, though, is that she often rests on her laurels with bad styling and worse makeup, often when it counts the most. Cam was sloppy at the Oscars -- twice, really -- and a little crazy-bridal at the Golden Globes, not to mention ripping an occasional page from The Ashlee Simpson Book of Inauthentic Punk.

And let's not forget that Chloe isn't the only one to have been inspired by the fashions of Donna Martin:

Per usual, voting closes after about 24 hours; contestants should be judged on whose fug crimes are deemed most severe, based on a whole host of criteria and not merely the photo we've provided. After all, assessing a career's worth of fug is like opening a bag of potato chips: You can't eat just one.

(7) RENEE ZELLWEGER vs. (10) KATIE HOLMES

Mrs. Kat(i)e Holmes Cruise has been a fascinating makeover story in the past 12 months, which I guess is what the national spotlight and a massively enhanced clothing budget will do to a girl -- not to mention the friendship of one Posh Spice, which we hope is partly responsible for the disappearance of this disaster. She's evolved into the Queen of Fug or Fab, often taking chances that we can't quite decide if we love or hate -- or if it's some combination of the two. For instance, here, I'll take the bob but leave the dress. Or, love the bob AGAIN, but think the purse is big enough to fit her husband.

Or, love the bob YET AGAIN, but hate how this dress and her posture make it look like she had her arms lopped off and replaced with those of Yao Ming. The controversial toga, I rather enjoyed on her, but the sling, not so much. And then there's her husband, but that's enough for a whole other essay.

Renee Zellweger's candidacy, on the other hand, can be summed up almost entirely by one image:

(1) LINDSAY LOHAN              vs.      (16) COURTNEY PELDON

In which our intrepid play-in winner Courtney Peldon faces off against Fug's First Lady of the Leggings, Ms. Lindsay Lohan. While C. Peld's recent strong showing in Fug Madness's premiere game has some experts wondering if she could upset LiLo -- - and has certainly reminded us all that she's TOTALLY NUTBALL --  we must remind you, the voter, that Peldon hasn't really been out and about much recently. Leggings Lohan, on the other hand, has been running around in those trousers of evil for something like 73 days straight and has threatened to actually start selling them.  Also, she's capable of this:

Yes, that's a CROPPED SEQUINED REF'S JERSEY. She also once wore what we think is a bike chain tied around her head, appeared in public wearing PANTALOONS, and abused grammar severely. (We choose not to remind you of the fact that she pioneered the unfortunate trend of flashing her pantyless crotch at photographers, but you know it's true.) All that being said, we freaking love Lindsay, even if she is a total hot mess half the time and appears to be trying to actually kill us. Engendering that kind of emotion in people despite being someone who went through a long period of flashing copious side-tit (basically SFW, unless you're a nun) is kind of awesome. On the other hand, Courtney, in addition to all the fugly deliciousness showcased Tuesday, also owns this: