Fug Madness

To the surprise of few -- not even Brown Peldon, we suspect -- Courtney Peldon prevailed in the play-in game by a margin that's larger than most of the pieces of fabric she wraps around her body. By capturing a whopping 92 percent of the vote, Courtney moves on and Brown Peldon is left to sit at home and contemplate where she went wrong. Did she need to try harder? Was she not committed enough to bra tops and loincloths and pleather boots? Was she too self-aware or not self-aware enough? These are the mysteries that will keep her awake on many sleepless nights ahead. Here's hoping they both have such a strong year -- or at least leave the house more often; shenanigans are sure to follow -- that they earn their own 2009 seedings outright.

Next up is a slate of Round 1 games on Thursday and Friday from all four brackets. Here are the seeds in action tomorrow:

(1) LINDSAY LOHAN              vs.      (16) COURTNEY PELDON

(4) RIHANNA                             vs.      (13) SANDRA OH

(5) FERGIE                                   vs.      (12) BRAD PITT

(8) NELLY FURTADO              vs         (9) PAULA ABDUL

(2) JENNIFER LOPEZ                      vs.  (15) NATALIE PORTMAN

(3) HELENA BONHAM CARTER  vs.  (14) KELLY OSBOURNE

(6) BEYONCE                                       vs.  (11) KYLIE MINOGUE

(7) JENNIFER CONNELLY            vs.  (10) LUCY LIU

(2) GWEN STEFANI             vs.   (15) BRITTANY MURPHY

(3) PARIS HILTON               vs.   (14) ELISHA CUTHBERT

(6) ALI LARTER                    vs.   (11) KIMBERLY STEWART

(7) RENEE ZELLWEGER     vs.   (10) KATIE HOLMES

(1) CHLOE SEVIGNY         vs.    (16) CAMERON DIAZ

(4) JESSICA SIMPSON      vs.    (13) PHOEBE PRICE

(5) ALICIA KEYS                vs.    (12) EVA LONGORIA

(8) DIANE KRUGER           vs.    (9) MARY-KATE OLSEN

As the day wears on, the end of PELDON VS. PELDON draws ever-nearer. If you aren't one of the 10,000-strong who've weighed in -- or your cookies expired and you want to vote again, or you're Lindsay Lohan and you're deathly afraid of having to face one of these girls so you want to mobilize an army to vote for the other one -- do it here, and do it now. Polls close tomorrow morning.

COURTNEY PELDON vs. BROWN PELDON

The Sisters Peldon (one of whom, as you'll see below, may not be a natural Brown after all) are pitted against each other in a quest to determine which more hopeless dresser wins the coveted No. 16 seed in the Cher bracket, and the ensuing right to mount a charge against No. 1 Lindsay Lohan and her relentless pursuit of more leggings. This is a clash between ladies after whom, as a unit, we named an entire chapter devoted to sibling fuggery in our book The Fug Awards because of their tendency to wear things like this to a charity event.

As far as we know the charity was not actually The International Society Of Out-Of-Work Wrestling Divas and Former American Gladiators.

Courtney, she of the purple sequined bra top up there, is the oft-overtanned and therefore crazy-faced sister we found first. She popped up at all manner of premieres and parties seemingly without any relevance, occasionally without pants, sometimes with awesomely chosen company, and generally in something frightening to behold. There were whispers of an engagement to Crispin Glover, then the disappearance of any kind of proof. And what is THIS?

Or this?

Little Bo Peep may have lost her sheep, but she appears to have found a few other things to play with instead. Initially, we were frightened by these antics, but quickly realized we'd be bereft without them. Oh, sweet Peldon: Original Flavor, to spend a day in your closet would be like skipping through Willy Wonka's candy paradise -- one unbelievable, credulity-defying sight after another, followed by the faintest concern someone had snuck us some acid.

We're taking a break from frantically filling out our ACTUAL March Madness brackets to bring you a few important announcements and one SHOCKING REVELATION about our star-studded knockoff tournament.

1) The first round begins on Thursday with four matchups from each of the four brackets, with the rest taking place on Friday -- much like the glorious tournament on which it is based. Then Round Two will begin on Monday, March 24, and so on and so forth.

2) Here is a downloadable PDF of the full Fug Madness bracket, which has the dates of all the contests and which you can print and fill in as we go: Download Fug_Madness_bracket.pdf

3) Polls for each contest will be open for roughly 24 hours (as close as we can make it) from the time the post is published. Vote early, and if your browser allows, vote often.

4) This is the big one: As you know, Go Fug Yourself hasn't had comments in a long time, because a few rotten eggs spoiled it for all the good ones -- but because we're excited, and because we're high on bracketology, we've decided to reopen comments on a trial basis. Important note: It will ONLY be on Fug Madness posts, so that people can discuss their vote and the contest at hand they see fit. But this will not be without conditions.

• Please do NOT use this time to vent your spleen against the celebrity in question (that's what therapy is for) or the site itself (that's what e-mail is for, and Intern George has the typing blisters on his beautiful fingers to prove it).
• Keep it clean, keep it on-topic, keep it relevant. If all you want to do is say, "DIE, SLUTZ," well, that's not polite in English OR in German, so please don't.
• We reserve the right to edit or delete comments if they're not in the spirit of the contest, and/or are spoiling everyone else's fun.
• We will TOTALLY close the comments again FOREVER if this blows up into something awful. This is not our first rodeo with this; we have extreme reservations, but we've decided to give it a whirl anyway, so please don't make us regret it.

5) And now for the identity of the two celebrities dueling TOMORROW for the right to take on top-seeded Lindsay Lohan in the Cher bracket.

Drum roll, please...

(1) CHLOE SEVIGNY         vs.    (16) CAMERON DIAZ

(2) BAI LING                        vs.    (15) HILARY DUFF

(3) TARA REID                    vs.    (14) ASHLEY OLSEN

(4) JESSICA SIMPSON      vs.    (13) PHOEBE PRICE

(5) ALICIA KEYS                vs.    (12) EVA LONGORIA

(6) CATE BLANCHETT      vs.    (11) DANIEL DAY-LEWIS

(7) KELLY CLARKSON     vs.    (10) ASHLEE SIMPSON

(8) DIANE KRUGER           vs.    (9) MARY-KATE OLSEN

Oh, man. This final bracket is just chock-full of crazy. Chloe Sevigny propelled herself into one seed on the strength of her mad terrible collection for Opening Ceremony, but can she make past all these other fools into the final game? Sure, that seems like a slam dunk, but then you remember that Bai Ling never wears pants and Tara Reid... is Tara Reid. This bracket also features a very strong upset possibility in the personage of Phoebe Price, whom we suspect may go further than any of us truly will find at all comfortable.  Dear God, what if she wins the whole thing? Can we live with that? And who isn't looking forward to seeing Oscar Winner Cate Blanchett versus Oscar Winner and Homemade Shoe Enthusiast Daniel Day-Lewis? We're also shoe-horned both our fugly sibling pairs into this bracket, in the hopes of containing their genetic material. It probably won't work.

And thus concludes Selection Friday. Monday, we'll be posting some basic rules (a huge, complex list of... like, two) and a complete, printable bracket so you can play along at home (or, let's be honest here: your office). Voting begins on Tuesday, and really gets going Thursday and Friday!  The trash-talking, however, can start now.

Reminder: Please don't freak out if your favorite -- or least-favorite -- Fug Hound didn't make the list. Sometimes we had to consider how much they've been in rotation lately, whether they've made leaps and bounds in their style, whether there was an extenuating circumstance (like pregnancy or potential mental illness, which accounts for our total lack of Britney; may she get well soon so that she can claim her rightful top seed in 2009), or whether we completely forgot they existed. Hey, it happens. Just kick back, enjoy the games, and imagine that your missing favorite is out there somewhere playing in the Fug NIT, leading the charge of the also-rans and praying for a more auspicious and publicly terrible year to come.

(1) MISCHA BARTON          vs.   (16) KRISTIN BELL

(2) GWEN STEFANI             vs.   (15) BRITTANY MURPHY

(3) PARIS HILTON               vs.   (14) ELISHA CUTHBERT

(4) NICOLE KIDMAN          vs.   (13) EVA GREEN

(5) TYRA BANKS                  vs.   (12) SPENCER & HEIDI

(6) ALI LARTER                    vs.   (11) KIMBERLY STEWART

(7) RENEE ZELLWEGER     vs.   (10) KATIE HOLMES

(8) TILDA SWINTON           vs.   (9) KEVIN FEDERLINE

This is a strong Top Four, assuming they all squeak through unmolested to face off with each other in Round Three -- Eva Green poses a real threat to Nicole Kidman up there, because she can really come at you with an aggressive full-court press and some invasive man-to-man defense. By which I mean, Eva Green CRAZY. Our favorite game, though, will be the epic clash between Tilda Swinton and Kevin Federline, two people we never thought we'd see inhabiting the same space (so we're thrilled to have made it happen first). So tight is this match that, in fact, we are pretty sure Tilda would borrow some of Kevin's suits if he offered them. If only we could run this one over and over again; it's possible the outcome would be different every time. Consider us on the edges of our seats.

Reminder: Please don't freak out if your favorite -- or least-favorite -- Fug Hound didn't make the list. Sometimes we had to consider how much they've been in rotation lately, whether they've made leaps and bounds in their style, whether there was an extenuating circumstance (like pregnancy or potential mental illness, which accounts for our total lack of Britney; may she get well soon so that she can claim her rightful top seed in 2009), or whether we completely forgot they existed. Hey, it happens. Just kick back, enjoy the games, and imagine that your missing favorite is out there somewhere playing in the Fug NIT, leading the charge of the also-rans and praying for a more auspicious and publicly terrible year to come.

(1) POSH                                                vs.  (16) KATE BOSWORTH 

(2) JENNIFER LOPEZ                      vs.  (15) NATALIE PORTMAN

(3) HELENA BONHAM CARTER  vs.  (14) KELLY OSBOURNE

(4) KATE MOSS                                   vs.  (13) JOHNNY DEPP

(5) SIENNA MILLER                        vs.  (12) SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR

(6) BEYONCE                                       vs.  (11) KYLIE MINOGUE

(7) JENNIFER CONNELLY            vs.  (10) LUCY LIU

(8) MELISSA GEORGE                      vs.  (9) JOSS STONE

Posh sits like a queen atop a bracket with quite a few Brits in it and two Aussies, to boot. The potential late-round upset special here is Helena Bonham Carter, owner of a personal style so haphazard and vagrant-esque that we're pretty sure she might let wackadoo husband Tim Burton pick out all her clothes. However, this bracket also dangles the carrot of a Round Two matchup between doppelgangers Sienna Miller and Kate Moss -- if Kate can get past her ex-boyfriend, who, while clearly smoking hot, occasionally dresses like he's homeless. Oh, come on, don't get upset. You know it's true.

Reminder: Please don't freak out if your favorite -- or least-favorite -- Fug Hound didn't make the list. Sometimes we had to consider how much they've been in rotation lately, whether they've made leaps and bounds in their style, whether there was an extenuating circumstance (like pregnancy or potential mental illness, which accounts for our total lack of Britney; may she get well soon so that she can claim her rightful top seed in 2009), or whether we completely forgot they existed. Hey, it happens. Just kick back, enjoy the games, and imagine that your missing favorite is out there somewhere playing in the Fug NIT, leading the charge of the also-rans and praying for a more auspicious and publicly terrible year to come.

(1) LINDSAY LOHAN              vs.      (16) PLAY-IN WINNER (Tues., March 18)

(2) SHARON STONE                 vs.      (15) EMMA WATSON

(3) KEIRA KNIGHTLEY          vs.     (14) NATASHA BEDINGFIELD

(4) RIHANNA                             vs.      (13) SANDRA OH

(5) FERGIE                                   vs.      (12) BRAD PITT

(6) KIRSTEN DUNST                vs.      (11) JULIETTE LEWIS

(7) SCARLETT JOHANSSON vs       (10) JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT

(8) NELLY FURTADO              vs         (9) PAULA ABDUL

Welcome, dear readers, to Fug Madness! Today, we'll be revealing the fugly celebrities who will be battling it out fug-a-fug to determine which of them is truly the most stylistically challenged of all -- and who they're gonna have to mow down in order to win this dubious title.  Like the NCAA basketball tournament, we've placed our contestants in four brackets (it goes without saying that, one day, we hope to convince the NCAA to join us in the move away from regional brackets and into ones named after famous, one-named, crazy-dressed celebrities).  This first bracket is blessed to feature the winner of our play-in game,  in which the two absolute lowest-seeded celebrities alive are forced to battle it out just for the honor of being in the tourney. You'll see who those two sad clowns are on Monday. We're also looking at a very strong one seed in Lindsay "I'm Coming Out With a Line of Leggings" Lohan, who we think may be a strong bet to win the whole thing. We've also got a potential spoiler in one Miss Juliette Lewis, and we'd be lying if we didn't admit that we'd be amused if she and ex-boyfriend Brad Pitt made identical improbable, spoiler-y runs to meet up in the Elite Eight.  It's more likely, of course, that the Elite Eight will instead see Lindsay face off --- at last! -- with batshit crazy fur lover, Sharon Stone. We suspect we could sell tickets to that fight.

Reminder: Please don't freak out if your favorite -- or least-favorite -- Fug Hound didn't make the list. Sometimes we had to consider how much they've been in rotation lately, whether they've made leaps and bounds in their style, whether there was an extenuating circumstance (like pregnancy or potential mental illness, which accounts for our total lack of Britney; may she get well soon so that she can claim her rightful top seed in 2009), or whether we completely forgot they existed. Hey, it happens. Just kick back, enjoy the games, and imagine that your missing favorite is out there somewhere playing in the Fug NIT, leading the charge of the also-rans and praying for a more auspicious and publicly terrible year to come.

March brings with it many delightful things: longer hours of daylight, delicious Girl Scout cookies, and -- most importantly -- the glorious drama and excitement that comes with the NCAA college basketball tournament. There is nothing we love more, except perhaps making fun of celebrities' outfits, than following each of the tourney's 64 teams (65, if you count the play-in game, AND WE DO) as they shoot and score their way through six rounds of games on the way to being crowned the best college basketball team in America. 

Which is where Fug Madness comes in, a little something we'd planned before loads of other people got bitten by the bracketology bug also, but that will not deter us. Imagine if this Web site somehow managed to take the Tournament out for drinks and they both ended up getting really drunk and finally admitted to each other that -- damn it! -- they're in love with each other. And always have been!  Cut to a bear skin rug and a roaring fire, and nine months later, Fug Madness arrives.

This is the way it works: The Official Fug Madness Selection Committee -- otherwise known as me, Heather, and Intern George --has chosen 65 of the celebrity world's most sartorially misguided individuals.  Just like the basketball tournament, we've placed each celeb in one of four regions, and seeded them from 16 (super unlikely to actually win this thing) to 1 (a superstar of fug, and possibly the fugliest celebrity in the world). We even tried to take into account mid-majors, a.k.a., those teams/celebrities that could win their respective conferences but won't place much higher than 12 or 13 in the tournament because they're not really that well-known. And then we make them fight it out through several rounds of head-to-head, fug-on-fug competition to determine who is the Fugliest of Them All.

Who chooses the winner of each round, I hear you asking?  You do, through the magic of polls. The Madness will stretch over the next several weeks, in step with the basketball tournament, and we can't wait to see who you guys decide is the Fugliest Celebrity In All The Land. We'll be announcing the celebrities in play over the next couple of days, and the first game -- a play-in game between Fugly Celebrity 64 and 65 -- kicks off on Tuesday, March 18th. And to make it easier for you to see how things are progressing, we'll have a bracket up on the site that you can download and print, with the 65 celebs in their respective  berths.

So warm up your poll-voting-finger, toss some beer in the fridge, and practice your trash-talking. Fug Madness is here for you.