Fug Madness 2009 Archives

April 7, 2009

Fug Madness 2009: We Have A Champion

Last night, as North Carolina laid a fairly brutal smackdown on poor Michigan State in the NCAA tournament final, our wee Fug Madness contest was providing all the drama that game sorely lacked: Aubrey O'Day had leapt out to a large lead on Monday morning, but thanks to the hilarious and vociferous debates in the comments by some very impassioned voters, by midnight Pacific time Tilda "SWINTON" Swinton had narrowed the gap so that Aubrey only had 51 percent of the vote. In fact, we went to sleep with the polls still open, not knowing for sure the identity of our winner.

But we did, and do, know one thing: We love you guys.

Okay, so we did, and do, know TWO things, the second being: Laughably bad, awesomely bad, depressingly bad, shockingly bad... EVERY flavor of badness is the heart and soul of Go Fug Yourself, and both our finalists -- revere them or loathe them -- stepped in giant piles of Bad in 2008-09. There probably was no wrong answer, as evidenced by the tight vote.

There was, however, ultimately an answer. Ten game days and more than 1.3 million votes later, we have a Last Fugger Standing, and it is...

Continue reading Fug Madness 2009: We Have A Champion.

April 6, 2009

Fug Madness 2009: The Final Game

(1) AUBREY O'DAY vs. (1) SWINTON

And here we are at last: Solange Knowles is at home, making hot pants out of banana leaves and crying angry tears about how she will prevail in 2010; Bai Ling is wondering if her attempts to dress less wackily are really worth it after all, as perhaps it's better to be organically nutty than artificially dull; and SWINTON and Aubrey O'Day are full of nervous energy, waiting to learn their fate.

Could there be a more mismatched pair of women? SWINTON is a talented and legitimate artist with an unconventional and fascinating personal life (she has a 29 year old boyfriend, and they live with the sixty-something-year old father of her children). Aubrey O'Day is... not. Professionally, and visually, they could not be more diametrically opposed: SWINTON favors the avant-garde, high-end, unflattering-on-purpose (we think?), deconstructed, reconstructed, wearable-art thing. Aubrey has dyed her dog to match her outfits, many of which appear to have been constructed by the half-blind lovechild of a professional ballroom dancer and a figure skater who's fallen on hard times. Half the time, neither is doing herself any real favors.

So who will take home the title? Whose fug has reigned supreme this year? Can a woman who has worn what is essentially toilet paper take the crown over one who has made a habit of donning $25,000 Hefty bags? Is it better to vote for someone who looks tacky and attention-hogging in a way so extreme and committed that it does deserve props -- I mean, the girl actually accessorized her pet -- or should you throw your weight behind someone who's worn a hat that looks like a pet and has chosen to trot out frocks that are, honestly, not all that conventionally flattering on this particular planet, whilst also costing two arms and six legs each? There's been much discussion in the comments (which have been awesome again this year) about whether or not winning this contest is a celebration or a censure, but I think that's for you -- the voters -- to choose, and a question that we will answer again (and sometimes differently) every year. But enough of that yadda yadda yadda. None of you are here to READ. Take a look at our final, glorious two and then vote your heart one final time (or more, if you want to clear your cookies). See you in the comments section.

SWINTON:

Continue reading Fug Madness 2009: The Final Game.

April 3, 2009

Fug Madness 2009: Final Game Preview

And then there were two.

Only once in the history of NCAA March Madness have all four No. 1 seeds faced off in the Final Four -- last season, incidentally -- and yesterday it happened for the first time in Fug Madness. Top-tier fuggers Solange "Picked The Worst Way To Try And Draw Attention From Beyonce" Knowles, Mischa "Headbands" Barton, Aubrey "My Dog Is My Handbag" O'Day, and Tilda "SWINTON" Swinton went at it in two brutal games yesterday; poor Intern George almost yanked out all his hair. (It was an emotional day for him, what with all the stress of deciding who to vote for and then the ER season finale. To soothe him, we fattened his Bellini budget.)

Thanks to your tens of thousands of votes yesterday, the only two walking mishaps still standing are:

(1) AUBREY O'DAY vs. (1) SWINTON

Solange was the hot pick this year to take this whole thing home, but when facing off against Aubrey's robustly exposed cleavage, Ms. Knowles The Second faltered and only managed to scrape together 39 percent of the vote. She'll now take on her polar opposite, the high-fashion fuggery of SWINTON, who -- as, arguably, the other most common pick by our readers to win ("win") the whole damn thing -- collected votes from 63 percent of you on her cruise to victory over Mischa Barton.

The Fug Madness Selection Committee -- me, Jessica, Intern George, and sometimes the mailman if he showed up at the wrong time -- thanks you all for making this contest so much fun, and hopes you show up in droves on Monday to vote in the finals. And then maybe clear your cookies and vote again. Regardless, one thing is for sure: This season's "One Fugging Moment" photo montage, which runs on Tuesday, is going to be an especially magnificent eyesore.

For a look at how the entire season played out, click on the graphic below -- it'll display the completed bracket, crossed-out losers and all, in a new window. And remember: Vote early and often on Monday.

April 2, 2009

Fug Madness 2009: Final Four, Game Two

If you want to see the entire Road to the Final Four, click on the thumbnail above to view (and print, if you like) a full-size updated bracket, which we tried to do in the NCAA crossed-out-and-red-for-losers, green-for-winners style. Sorry, we meant to have this available earlier, but you know how it is when American Idol is on -- Intern George gets so worked up that he ends up in a puddle behind the coffee table, overcome with nerves, and we have to soothe him with milk and cookies.

(1) SWINTON vs. (1) MISCHA BARTON

"Dear SWINTON,

"My name is Mischa Barton. I'm an actress. I was such a pivotal part of The O.C. that they killed me off -- seriously, that is, like, the highest compliment you can get as an actor, because it means they think the whole world will miss you and cry.

"But I haven't worked on anything good in a while, and I'm bored. Tired of my clothes. Tired of my icky brown tights. (You know the ones. I used to wear them all the time.) Tired of my stupid headbands that just leave marks on my forehead that take forever to come out, and give me zits. Tired of my spandex faux-jeans, or whatever the hell those were. Instead, I want to be deliciously crazy so that people will like me. I want to be YOU.

"And look, I'm already sort of trying!

"Most people might look at this and think 'Wow, it looks like a candy wrapper for some kind of urine-flavored marshmallow treat.'" But not you, SWINTON! I bet you'd see it as a CHALLENGE!

"And what about this? You are going to love this:

Continue reading Fug Madness 2009: Final Four, Game Two.

April 2, 2009

Fug Madness 2009: Final Four, Game One

(1) AUBREY O'DAY vs. (1) SOLANGE

Today, we're going to SHOW, rather than tell. So strap in, darlings:

WHAT?

Continue reading Fug Madness 2009: Final Four, Game One.

April 1, 2009

Fug Madness 2009: Final Four Revealed

Well, it happened: The champ is OUT. There will be a new fugliest fugger for 2009, and it could be, quite seriously, ANY of the people still in the competition. Without further ado, here are Thursday's pivotal clashes:

(1) AUBREY O'DAY vs. (1) SOLANGE

Solange just continues to lay waste to the competition, doesn't she? With 73 percent of the vote, she stormed past Bai Ling, whom voters apparently felt just didn't bring it with her usual zest in the past year. Next, she faces off against some of the most formidably veiny, exposed cleavage we've ever seen. It takes a truly frightening girl to out-fug Courtney Love AND Phoebe Price AND Lisa Rinna in the same tournament, but that's exactly what Aubrey did, winning her C.Love contest with a whopping 70 percent.

(1) SWINTON vs. (1) MISCHA BARTON

Early on Tuesday morning, Lady Gaga had Mischa at roughly 50-50. Then she had a four-percent edge. Then, twenty minutes later, Mischa had claimed that same edge, and she never gave much of it back: With 52 percent of the vote, La Barton surged past the pantsless princess and into her first-ever Final Four. She'll face off against SWINTON, who put back the charge from Katy Perry with 55 percent of the vote.

So, for the first time in our resplendent two-year history, all four No. 1 seeds made it through to the Final Four unscathed. It should be a hotly contested and very fugly day here on Thursday; vote early and as often as your browser cookies will allow.

March 31, 2009

Fug Madness 2009, Elite Eight: Madonna bracket

(1) SOLANGE vs. (3) BAI LING

Here it is: The upstart top seed Solange versus the seasoned fug veteran and defending champion Bai Ling. And this woman is the definition of daunting competition:

But if anyone is well-positioned to beat Bai, it is THIS woman:

Continue reading Fug Madness 2009, Elite Eight: Madonna bracket.

March 31, 2009

Fug Madness 2009, Elite Eight: Bjork bracket

(1) MISCHA BARTON vs (2) LADY GAGA

I'm tired of staring at Lady Gaga's crotch. So, I leave it to you to go back through our other Fug Madness posts and revisit the nude bodysuit, the Little Red Riding Hood leotard, and the bedazzled panties, because I'd just rather not gawk at Gaga's gaga today. Instead, let's take a look at some of what she picks when she's decided to keep the Bat Cave hidden:

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

This is what the tour guides wear when -- spectacularly missing the meaning of the name -- they lead a group through Superman's Fortress of Solitude.

And this is what people wear when they want it to look like Molly Ringwald's character from Pretty In Pink designed their dream Ice Capades wedding dress:

Continue reading Fug Madness 2009, Elite Eight: Bjork bracket.

March 30, 2009

Fug Madness 2009 Elite Eight: Charo Bracket

(1) SWINTON vs. (2) KATY PERRY

BRAD PITT: I'm confused.

SWINTON: I'm SWINTON.

INTERN GEORGE: I'm DEBONAIR.

BRAD: Don't you want to know why I'm confused?

SWINTON: Isn't that just the way your face usually looks, sweetie-love?

GEORGE: Oh, SWINTON. You are a card.

BRAD: No. I mean, I don't get this contest thingie you're in, SWINTON. You are not fugly. You are AWESOME. I mean, you look like some kind of Greek goddess in this mustard dress you're wearing. Even if it IS mustard.

SWINTON: Because I am SWINTON, dear boy. I succeed where others would fail.

BRAD: Then why do you keep winning these vote-y things?

GEORGE: I think I can explain. After all, I do work there. See, Brad, there are all kinds of fug: tacky, cheap fug; outrageous, attention-seeking, ridiculousness; BORINGNESS -- like your ex-wife. And, actually, your current lady, sometimes, too; and, finally, the wacky avant garde sort of shenanigans that our dear SWINTON gets up to, with varying degrees of success. After all, even SWINTON doesn't always look that fantastic. BEHOLD:

Continue reading Fug Madness 2009 Elite Eight: Charo Bracket.