Fug Madness 2009 Archives

March 30, 2009

Fug Madness 2009: Sweet 16 results and Elite Eight preview

Wow, last week was jam-packed with amazing games -- in particular, I had a moment there where I thought Katie Price really might turn spoiler and upset our favorite Pantless Wonder, Lady Gaga -- and the upcoming rounds promise to be even more nail-biting. Want a preview of the match-ups scheduled to make your brain implode this week? Read on:

(1) AUBREY O'DAY vs. (7) COURTNEY LOVE-- Monday, March 30

C. Love managed a squeaker over Juliette Lewis and now is tasked with the possibly Herculean task of going closet to closet with Aubrey O'Day (and her little dog too), who CRUSHED Lisa Rinna and her thigh cleavage with a hardy 80% of the vote. Aubrey's a strong competitor, but stranger things have happened...and certainly to Courtney Love.

What else do we have to look forward to, you ask?

Continue reading Fug Madness 2009: Sweet 16 results and Elite Eight preview.

March 27, 2009

Fug Madness 2009, Sweet Sixteen continued: Madonna bracket

(1) SOLANGE vs. (4) JOAQUIN PHOENIX

"Hello. I'm Joaquin Phoenix. I used to look like this:

And now I look like this:

Continue reading Fug Madness 2009, Sweet Sixteen continued: Madonna bracket.

March 27, 2009

Fug Madness 2009, Sweet Sixteen continued: Charo bracket

(2) KATY PERRY vs. (3) AGYNESS DEYN

We've seen Agyness be boyish. We've seen Agyness be shredded and dishevelled. We've seen Agyness dressed as some kind of Cirque du Soleil character from my nightmares. But what happens when Agy tries to be, you know, fancy?

[Photo: WENN.com]

How sad -- I didn't realize Agyness got electocuted at her Disney Princess Birthday Bash.

And this is... rough:

[Photo: WENN.com]

She kind of looks like a homeless woman who, having once been rich and refusing to give up her favorite fur, went dumpster-diving at a bridal store to find an appropriately shiny dress to wear with it.

Actually, the pink reminds me of something her opponent Katy Perry wore to the Grammys -- the one with the giant corsage stapled to a napkin and glued to her stomach. But since (unlike Agyness) we're all already rather familiar with Katy's super-girly clothes -- from the boob eyes to the irritatingly cutesy hot-pants phase -- let's do the opposite for her, and see what happens when La Perry attempts pants:

Continue reading Fug Madness 2009, Sweet Sixteen continued: Charo bracket.

March 27, 2009

Fug Madness 2009, Sweet Sixteen continued: Bjork bracket

(1) MISCHA BARTON vs. (4) MADONNA

I don't even know what there is to say about these two that hasn't yet been said. So let's just speak in pictures:

[Photo: WENN.com]

I'm glad you approve, Mischa. You might not approve so much of this:

Continue reading Fug Madness 2009, Sweet Sixteen continued: Bjork bracket.

March 27, 2009

Fug Madness 2009, Sweet Sixteen continued: Cher bracket

(6) JULIETTE LEWIS vs. (7) COURTNEY LOVE

As so often happens with Cinderella contenders, our recesses of accidentally missed -- or not-yet-regurgitated -- material for these two ladies have almost run dry. So now, more than ever, check out Juliette and Courtney's respective archives for a refresher course.

You will get to relive this:

Based on that stiff stance, I'm not totally sure she can move or sit down in those tight satin shorts. I'm also afraid they're cutting off all the blood flow to both her pelvis and her legs, and our girl can't get up to her usual gyrating, shirt-pulling-up, crotch-thrusting stage antics if her lower half is as taut as a noodle. For safety reasons ALONE, these should be burned.

Somewhere along the way, though, we did miss this little gem:

Continue reading Fug Madness 2009, Sweet Sixteen continued: Cher bracket.

March 26, 2009

Fug Madness 2009 Sweet Sixteen: Madonna Bracket

(3) BAI LING vs. (7) CHRISTINA AGUILERA

Just when you think we MUST have exhausted our supply of Bai Ling outfits:

[Photo: Splash News]

A) That's not a shirt. I'm pretty sure it's a cropped jacket.

B) Those are bloomers, right? With suspenders? Thought so.

C) Don't look so surly, love. At least you're not wearing this:

Continue reading Fug Madness 2009 Sweet Sixteen: Madonna Bracket.

March 26, 2009

Fug Madness 2009 Sweet Sixteen: Charo Bracket

(1) SWINTON vs. (5) BEYONCE

How apt that SWINTON became a one-named wonder just in time to compete against a woman who may not need a surname, but who has an alter ego named Sasha Fierce just in case she needs a scapegoat for willingly wearing things like this:

SWINTON needs no scapegoat. SWINTON is simply SWINTON, and she swintons herself in swintonian things like this with nary a thought of deflecting blame:

Continue reading Fug Madness 2009 Sweet Sixteen: Charo Bracket.

March 26, 2009

Fug Madness 2009 Sweet Sixteen: Bjork Bracket

(2) LADY GAGA vs. (14) KATIE "JORDAN" PRICE

This one could get close. We've covered, in previous rounds, the crazy shenanigans these ladies get up to when they're promoting themselves, either by singing or....whatever Katie is selling at the moment (equestrian miniskirts, children's books, the amazing cover of "A Whole New World" she did with husband Peter Andre). So let's look at them out and about:

[Photo: Splash News]

Yes. You're wearing a nude leotard -- presumably to give the impression that you're totally naked under that blazer -- but god forbid someone look at your FACE.

Continue reading Fug Madness 2009 Sweet Sixteen: Bjork Bracket.

March 26, 2009

Fug Madness 2009 Sweet Sixteen: Cher Bracket

(1) AUBREY O'DAY vs. (12) LISA RINNA

By now, Lisa Rinna's cleavage -- of both chest and thigh/crotch -- has been burned on your brains, although feel free to revisit them as part of your research in making this deeply important decision. And even though she has admitted that her cheeks, at least, are man-made, we're steering clear of discussing anything she may or may not have done to her face. So all that's left is to examine what she wears when she's covering things up instead of whipping them out:

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

Even with all that fabric, this is a peekaboo moment just waiting to happen, and indeed her nipples are trying to make it so as best they can. On the plus side, you could hang her on a yacht mast and she'd sail you straight to Catalina Island.

Lisa hasn't been featured enough on the site to have her own archive -- yet -- but we have also marveled at her lengthy marriage to leopard print and her Joan Collins hair, so drink those in as well.

Conversely, her competitor Aubrey has had a hugely prolific Year of Fuggery that includes this fur monstrosity, this glorified nightie, this multicolored puffball, and... you know what? IT'S ALL BAD. Seriously. All of it. And that archive, somehow, doesn't even include this:

Continue reading Fug Madness 2009 Sweet Sixteen: Cher Bracket.

March 25, 2009

Fug Madness 2009: Round 2 results and Sweet 16 preview

Wow, Round Two brought some really close contests -- the kind that had me hitting refresh a lot to see if the lagging celebrity could corral enough support to make up a bare one or two percentage points. Several high seeds fell, and Paris Hilton and Madonna were neck-and-neck for a good chunk of Tuesday morning, which is probably a lot closer to Paris than Madge has ever been or would ever want to be.

Want to see how it all turned out, and what's coming next? Read on...

(1) AUBREY O'DAY vs. (12) LISA RINNA-- Thursday, March 26

It was truly awesome watching people debate the merits/demerits of Aubrey O'Day and Phoebe Price, and the matchup was close: Aubrey got 52 percent of the vote to stay alive. Lisa Rinna continues to be a Cinderella story of this tournament, knocking off another high seed in Sarah Jessica Parker -- and pretty convincingly, with 69 percent of the vote.

(6) JULIETTE LEWIS vs. (7) COURTNEY LOVE -- Friday, March 27

These two giant-killers booted No. 3 seed Taylor Momsen and No. 2 Lindsay Lohan, respectively -- the second year (in our whopping two-year history) that a high-seeded LiLo hasn't even SNIFFED at the Elite Eight, much less the Final Four. And neither game was as close as we expected: Juliette drew loyalty from two-thirds of you, whereas Courtney Love had almost three-quarters of the vote over Lindsay.

Continue reading Fug Madness 2009: Round 2 results and Sweet 16 preview.

Fug Madness 2009

Fug Madness 2009: Sweet 16 results and Elite Eight preview

Fug Madness 2009, Sweet Sixteen continued: Madonna bracket

Fug Madness 2009, Sweet Sixteen continued: Charo bracket

Fug Madness 2009, Sweet Sixteen continued: Bjork bracket

Fug Madness 2009, Sweet Sixteen continued: Cher bracket

Fug Madness 2009 Sweet Sixteen: Madonna Bracket

Fug Madness 2009 Sweet Sixteen: Charo Bracket

Fug Madness 2009 Sweet Sixteen: Bjork Bracket

Fug Madness 2009 Sweet Sixteen: Cher Bracket

Fug Madness 2009: Round 2 results and Sweet 16 preview

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