Fug or Fab Archives

May 28, 2009

Fug or Fab: Jaslene Gonzalez

Fug file:

great shoes,
orange

A glimpse into a discussion with myself, upon seeing the below:

JESSICA: Jaslene looks great!

JESSICA: Or does she? Rather monochromatic.

JESSICA: Um, HELLO. Remember what she USUALLY WEARS??

JESSICA: Why are you yelling at me? I remember perfectly well. I'm just saying, monochromatic. It's true.

JESSICA: Dude. Even without it being a massive improvement, she looks very pretty. Why are you so uptight?

JESSICA: I'm NOT being uptight. I'm being CRITICAL in a CONSTRUCTIVE MANNER.

JESSICA: Whatever.

JESSICA: Whatever to YOU.

JESSICA: Nice comeback.

JESSICA: Leave me alone.

poll by twiigs.com

May 27, 2009

Fug or Fab: Georgina Chapman

Fug file:

designers,
dialogue

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

HARVEY WEINSTEIN: Interesting dress, honey.

GEORGINA CHAPMAN: Yes, isn't it?

HARVEY: You're very good at making things with... foldy bits.

GEORGINA: Yes, aren't I?

HARVEY: And the fabric looks like it'd freshen my breath if I chewed it.

GEORGINA: Yes, doesn't it?

HARVEY: But... I mean, there DOES seem to be rather a LOT of the foldy bits.

GEORGINA: Yes, don't there?

HARVEY: It's very busy. And it kind of looks like you have a matching dishcloth hanging from your belt.

GEORGINA: Yes, doesn't it?

HARVEY: And because I'm afraid of crushing that huge front foldy bit, which is really enormous, it makes it very hard for me to hug you terribly tightly.

GEORGINA. Yes!!!!! Doesn't it?!?!?!?!

HARVEY: ... Okay. I just thought I'd mention... okay.

poll by twiigs.com

May 27, 2009

Fug or Fab the Cover: Cameron Diaz

Here's the thing about this cover: it's fine. Cammy D looks approachable and crisp. And maybe a little older than she actually is. But it's not HIDEOUS. She has all her body parts attached, she's not wearing a beach ball as a hat, she doesn't look as though she's had someone else's eyes photoshopped onto her face. And yet. One would hope, I imagine, that one would look AMAZING on the cover of Vogue, especially considering the fact that she looks fantastic in the photoshoot on the inside (and was actually, I thought, quite charming in the interview). The choices magazines make about their cover shots are often kind of beyond me -- obviously -- and I know there are a lot of factors to consider, but wouldn't you want the BEST picture to be the one on the cover? I know smiley photos sell better, as well as approachable ones, but I suspect that one of the reasons Cameron Diaz is successful in general is that she is almost ALWAYS smiling and approachable-seeming (excluding that time she was dating Justin Timberlake and they were both unbearable crabapples) so I'm pretty sure we're not in a situation where this was like the ONLY Smiley Approachable picture. I don't know. This just isn't filling me with the unbearable desire to plonk down $4 for the magazine. And while I've got you here: I'm thrilled Vogue is including "the fashion steal of the month" -- it's smart, considering Our Terrible Hideous Crumbling Economy RUN RUN TO THE HILLS -- but someone needs to give A Dubs the tip that a $300 bikini is NOT A GREAT DEAL. IT'S A BIKINI. TARGET HAS THEM FOR $30. SWEET FANCY SNICKERS, LADY, A $300 BIKINI IS STILL INSANE WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING I LOVE YOU DON'T HURT ME.

poll by twiigs.com

May 26, 2009

Fug or Fab or Fab or Fug or Feh or Feh or...Etc.

Fug file:

MICHELLE YEOH: Hi Kerry,

KERRY WASHINGTON: Hey, Michelle.

MICHELLE: What's wrong?

KERRY: I feel weird.

MICHELLE: You didn't eat the oysters, did you?

KERRY: No, I mean about my outfit.

MICHELLE: Really? Because I was just thinking that this version works better than Rihanna's did.

KERRY: I feel so FUSSY next to you.

MICHELLE: I feel boring next to YOU.

KERRY: Also, I can't believe you're 47 year old. You look great.

MICHELLE: I can't argue with that. I DO look great. But I'm unhappy with my shoes. I feel like I should have gone for something strappy and metallic and a little sassier. Because my dress is so simple.

KERRY: I'm unhappy with MY shoes. I love these, but it's a lot going on with the rest of my stuff. You know what I mean.

MICHELLE: I know. I kind of feel like we should have gotten ready together.

KERRY: Next time.

poll by twiigs.com

May 26, 2009

Fug or Feh or Fab: Solange

Fug file:

She's ba-aaaack.

[Photo: WENN.com]

And in a way, Solange here is making my heart hurt, because I had hoped she'd bounce back from her Fug Madness elimination by coming at us with something bolder, stronger, madder, and wronger than anything that came before it.

Instead, she's flummoxing me a little. Because in principle, there's nothing objectionable about the silhouette she's working here, and I don't even mind some of the pieces separately. Yet I can't help looking at this and feeling totally overwhelmed. Even Solange's posture makes it seem like she's weighed down, as if she got caught in a deluge of hoo-ha raining down from the ceiling of her closet. The purse almost gets lost next to the metallic snakeskin skirt, the giant belt of an entirely DIFFERENT texture competes for attention with everything below it AND the shoulder ruffle above, she's debuting very severe bangs, and on top of all that she's got giant dangly earrings. I know we quote Tim Gunn to a fault on this site, but he did say it best: It's a whole lotta look. In fact, I'm half-surprised she's not sporting tights and elbow-length gloves just to make it as busy as possible. Maybe those are the two pieces she edited out before leaving the house.

Or am I being too harsh? It's Solange, after all. The woman is a fiend, capable of so much more destructive crimes of fashion than this middling, piddling one. Although sometimes, in the words of my father, nothing is so bad as something that's not-so-bad. Translation: Maybe it's better to be at one extreme or the other than languishing somewhere forgettable in between.

poll by twiigs.com

May 22, 2009

Fug or Fab: Diane Kruger

Fug file:

This picture amuses me.

I feel like Pacey is trying so hard to get Kruger to laugh, and she is just NOT LOOKING AT HIM. Over the last several years, I have managed to get weirdly invested in their relationship. Like, a few weeks ago, I read a blind item that implied -- to de-blind it -- Katie Holmes was leaving Tom Cruise and spending a lot of time with her ex-boyfriend, although it was unclear as to whether or not she was involved with said ex in a romantic fashion. (Obviously, all of this is ALLEGEDLY.) Of course, you had to wonder if that ex was Pacey here. And while back in the day, I believe I begged the heavens to let Pacey save Joey from Maverick, NOW I really just want Pacey and Diane to help Katie Holmes deal with her (alleged) problems as concerned friends to her and nothing else. Pacey and Diane are so cute together! I don't want him to leave her to go back to Katie Holmes! That would be terrible! It would ruin the fanfic I'm obviously about two weeks from writing, based on how much I love this next photo:

Continue reading Fug or Fab: Diane Kruger.

May 20, 2009

Fug or Fab: Brad Pitt (with an assist from the Fab Diane Kruger)

Fug file:

BRAD PITT: Bonjour, Diane.

DIANE KRUGER: You are hilarious.

BRAD: Why, whatever do you mean?

DIANE: The ascot? HILARIOUS. You look so SUAVE. Like you just slithered off your yacht.

BRAD: But you like it when Pacey does this. And I don't have a yacht.

DIANE: Let me put it this way. I didn't say I DIDN'T like it. I said it's HILARIOUS. Pacey also finds it hilarious. I just treasure you, Brad.

BRAD: Angelina laughed when she saw it, too. What's so funny about a well-tied scarf?

DIANE: It's just that...you're so...it's really....let's just say it's charming, and it delights me.

BRAD: Are you patronizing me, Kruger?

DIANE: No! Maybe a little. But I mean it. It's DELIGHTFUL. Can't you see I am delighted?

BRAD: It's costume-y, isn't it? I KNEW IT. Clooney told me it made me look more masculine than I'd ever been.

DIANE: Oh, Brad. Don't trust him.

BRAD: He did also ask when we were sailing to Capri for the season....I thought he meant it. That sounds fun, right? I thought it would be fun.

DIANE: Shhh. You're so pretty.

BRAD: So are you, actually.

DIANE: Oh, I know!

poll by twiigs.com

May 20, 2009

Cannes Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Penelope Cruz

Fug file:

Jessica and I were just discussing poor Penelope Cruz's unfortunately timed food poisoning in Cannes, and how after being forced to skip one event because of it, we admire her for bucking up like a good little camper and making the rounds for her other movie. Even if her poker face is maybe not so great.

[Photo: WENN.com]

I feel like this photo says, "I am trying so hard to smile, but oh, Lord, I might still be sick. I am wrapped in a giant ace bandage and if I don't hold onto this desk I am going to fall down and vomit all over the floor and that's why I didn't wear a necklace -- because they always flip forward when you're hanging over the toilet and you end up puking on your jewelry -- and someone had better give me a bonus for even being here today because I WANT TO DIE."

She didn't look like she felt much better at the nighttime event:

Continue reading Cannes Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Penelope Cruz.

May 19, 2009

Fug or Fab: Hilary Swank

Fug file:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Objectively, she looks totally fine. The dress is great. Yadda.

And yet it leaves me cold. And I don't know why. The color is fine. The fit is fine. I am not a huge fan of the graduated hem, but whatever. I think part of the problem, for me, is that the shoes match so perfectly that it gets is a bit bridesmaid-y for me, although obviously this outfit would be for a wedding in which the bride really was trying to bankrupt her attendants, as I'm sure both dress and shoes cost more than my car. I don't know. I really can't put my finger on it. Something about this look prompted in me the kind of reaction you get when you sit down to a dinner that you've slaved over and you realize that the 2 hours you just spent in the kitchen have someone made you utterly disinterested in eating the meal you prepared: I realize it's been artfully created, I appreciate it on a technical level, I hope and expect others to love it, and I just kind of don't want anything to do with it and would rather have an ice cream cone.

poll by twiigs.com

May 18, 2009

Fug or Fab: Michelle Monaghan

Fug file:

multi-colored

I have been thinking about this, and I think I actually might love it:

The pattern is so dramatic, but the cut is really simple, so I feel like it works. But this pattern is not for everyone. Although I like it, in clinical trials it was proven to cause headaches, anxiety, insomnia, nausea, constipation, vomiting, dry mouth, abnormal fixation on low-fat cheeses, indigestion, heartburn, drowsiness, ringing in the ears, dizziness, weight gain, joint pain, blurred vision, nasal congestion, a marked increase in saliva, diabetes, suicidal thoughts, high blood pressure, abnormal muscle movements that accidentally became permanent, unexplained and freaky rashes and swelling, hyperthyroidism, gas, canker sores, spontaneous yeast infections, impotence, hair loss, and death. Please notify your doctor if you experience any of the above side effects from this pattern.

poll by twiigs.com

Fug or Fab

Fug or Fab: Jaslene Gonzalez

Fug file:

Fug or Fab: Georgina Chapman

Fug file:

Fug or Fab the Cover: Cameron Diaz

Fug or Fab or Fab or Fug or Feh or Feh or...Etc.

Fug file:

Fug or Feh or Fab: Solange

Fug file:

Fug or Fab: Diane Kruger

Fug file:

Fug or Fab: Brad Pitt (with an assist from the Fab Diane Kruger)

Fug file:

Cannes Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Penelope Cruz

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Fug or Fab: Hilary Swank

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Fug or Fab: Michelle Monaghan

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