Fug or Fab

Here's the thing: I mostly want to fug this dress outright.

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It's kind of dumpy on her, right? But I also think it's a really bizarre choice for a premiere of a movie -- in which she co-stars -- about a father who wakes up in his teens again and lives it up before (I assume) learning a very important life lesson about how his Youth Is For The Young, But That Doesn't Mean You Can't Enjoy Your Life As It Is, Fool. I'd have expected her to show up in something a bit flirtier, maybe shorter, more playful. -- as opposed to a gown she'd wear to someone's grandmother's charity fundraiser.

But her skin does look incredible. And it's possible I'm biased against Michelle Trachtenberg a bit because every time I see her, I'm reminded of how much I am dreading her return appearance on Gossip Girl. To keep me honest, I'm putting this in your hands.

Okay, first of all: we get it.

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Second of all, this dress is -- undeniably -- gorgeous. Thirdly: that doesn't mean it works on her. D) Have you SEEN the tag line for Grey Gardens? It's something like, "the true story of Jackie O's incredible relatives." I'M NOT KIDDING. How freaking lazy is that? I mean, I guess it's DIRECT, but it's also BORING and doesn't seem to convey the idea that Drew is playing a woman who regularly wore her skirt on her head as a fashion statement. I'm serious. That needs to be better conveyed, and "Jackie O's crazy relatives!" doesn't do it. On the other hand, this would be an amusing trend. Like, "Terminator Salvation: Yeah, Yeah, This Is the Movie Where Bale Lost His Shit." Or, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince: The Awesome One With All the Flashbacks and Stuff, But Be Warned BAD THINGS HAPPEN AT THE END.." (iv)  I guess that doesn't have anything to do with the matter at hand, but I had to get that out.

 
When I first saw this pic, I was like, "Drew looks great!" and then I looked at it closer, and I was all, "DOES Drew look great?"

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[Photo: Splash News]

My internal monologue went something like, yes. No. Yes. I love the shoes. I don't know about the hair. No. No, she doesn't. Wait. Yes. She really does.  She looks adorable. I don't know. Is it that flattering? Sure it is. She looks totally cute. I don't know, but I feel like she could have looked BETTER. Sometimes I feel like the only person in the world who doesn't like Cadbury Creme eggs. No, I think she does look cute. Is Tim Riggins returning to Friday Night Lights, and if not, whatever will I do? No, she looks mediocre. No, cute. Mediocre. Super cute. RIGGINS! I love her. No, I don't. Well, you don't HATE her. No, that's true. I like her fine. That length is good on her. What should I have for lunch? You haven't even had breakfast. I wonder where I put my pants. I DO like this. Maybe I do. Maybe I don't. I DON'T. No, I actually do.


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KEITH URBAN: I'm so very happy. I may BURST INTO SONG!

NICOLE KIDMAN: I have a wee secret.

KEITH: Just a moment, Nicole! I feel song coming on!

NICOLE: Oh, I can wait. My entire look is centered around the concept of coyness.

KEITH: Wait. What do you mean?

NICOLE: Do you really want to know?

KEITH: Obviously. Now, I'm intrigued.

NICOLE: Have you seen the front of my dress?

KEITH: Well, duh. I'm RIGHT HERE.

NICOLE: Check out the back:

Oh, JANICE. I do love you. So take this in the spirit in which it is intended:

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Girl, those things are about to make a run for it. But other than that, I am...torn on your dress. I'm having one of those days where I can't really decide on anything. Do I want cereal, or yogurt for breakfast? Do I want to wear THESE jeans, or THOSE jeans? Should I stare out the window for ten minutes, or look at the wall? Is this sweet, but just ill-fitting? Or is it sweet, but too young for you? Or...oh, take it over for me from here. I have this wall to look at.



I confess, I still think this is about 97 percent fab:

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[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

But... Is her groin FROWNING at me? What could I possibly have done to offend her pelvic region? We don't even know each other. Maybe her nethers just really hate Fug Madness. Well, too bad, Nethers. You won't win THAT one.

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[Photo: Nylon Magazine]

(a) Congrats to Nylon for making it 10 years; especially considering the current state of print media, that is an accomplishment.

(b) Congrats to whomever scrubbed the spray tan off Lilo. I hope you got a bonus.

(c) I had boxer shorts in the same print as whatever those bottoms are IN 1999, and I felt like Kelly Taylor when I wore them around. Kudos for verisimilitude!

(d) IS Lindsay Lohan REALLY a "pin-up for a new era"? I feel like, "a hot mess for a new era" might be more accurate. Or, "a Meredith Baxter Birney for a new era."

(e) Those are...some extensions.

(f) If cropped sweaters are coming back, I quit.
 
Oh, jumpsuits. Will you ever go away?

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Don't answer that question. The truth of the matter is that Christina Hendricks here looks pretty good in said jumpsuit, which surprises me in that (a) I always assumed that the jumpsuit was best suited for the very tiniest of our female brethren, (b) her boob-wrangling track record is not the greatest, although of course she is herself quite a dish. That being said, I must admit that I am scared of what this looks like from other angles. As we've learned from Poor Sad Jessica Simpson: Child of Tragedy, the BACK of the jumpsuit is often where things fall apart. And yet I have no shot of the rear view. Which means I must give the thumbs up or down based solely on instinct.

It may be that, after a week of digging through our archives to put Fug Madness together, I have become immune to certain things. It's like the GFY version of spending the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder, so that the next time I get embroiled in a battle of wits that somehow involves looking at pictures of hideous things, I will, like the Dread Pirate Roberts, prevail. Now I just need to remember not to get involved in a land war in Asia. All that being said, I feel like Ol' Drunkface here looks pretty cute:

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Although it IS a bit like underwear, no?

I am strangely attracted to this.

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The hair is sassy. The shoes are random enough to be interesting but not so much that they repel me with the rest of it. Yes, it's short, but but obscenely so -- and frankly, it's nice to see Reese having a bit of fun with the fact that she's got really insanely awesome quad muscles right now, given that she trends toward the prim a bit.

And I don't even hate the dress. It's kind of cool. But I do have to acknowledge that it ALSO could pass as a class craft project she and Ava worked on using old streamers, or the uniform of a new superhero tasked exclusively with protecting the secret recipes of Wrigley's Spearmint and Doublemint chewing gums, and preventing kids from sticking their nasty old masticated wads under tables. The image of Reese angrily supervising a bunch of ten-year olds as they chip away at hardened gum pellets underneath their desks is basically the only thing keeping me from getting on board.

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