Fug or Fab

At the Chloe store opening last night, I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that most of the celebrity invitees were clothed in the label's outfits, especially since many of them had the same shoes on or similarly cut things. But as I'm fond of pointing out, you can always say no to something if it's sort of blah. Ergo, onward we press.

First up: Leighton Meester, wearing something that almost gave me a heart attack because initially I thought it was the same thing Aubrey O'Day had on here. But then I realized that, no, Leighton got her hands on the expensive and better-made version:

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Those shoes are crazy, but also sort of beautiful -- I appreciate them as art, but can't help thinking they look a little clunky on an actual foot. Still, they're the least of my issues: Now that Leighton's hair is lightened, her skin is self-tanned a little more, her outfit is a fleshy peach-orange color, and she's enrolled in the Emily Deschanel School of Undereye Makeup That Makes You Look Exhausted All The Time, La Meester no longer really pops. Everything kind of blends together. Not to mention that the waistline and giant tie on that skirt reminds me of a pair of shorts I REALLY LOVED back in fifth grade. But I appreciate where the whole thing was going, and although this is faint praise indeed, she certainly could look a lot worse. And my other question is, if Aubrey O'Day wore the Designer Imposter version of this outfit first, does it ruin anything this one is trying to do?



Next up: The Sev.
Let me preface this post by noting, for anyone not in the area of where I live, that it has been so unseasonably hot in Los Angeles that it may have topped a billion degrees recently. It's the kind of weather where no matter what store you go into -- Home Depot, the dry-cleaner, Bob's Manure Emporium -- every employee seems thrilled to be there simply because it means NOT being outside. So that may explain a lot about Halle Berry's footwear choice here:

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[Photo: Splash News]

She just wants to be comfortable and not bathed in foot sweat. I understand that, in principle. And it's probably good that she pulled this with a summery, almost beachy dress -- which in general I would've liked better if it were cut off at the knee, but otherwise, whatever; it doesn't light my fire, nor does it throw water on it -- because flip-flops would look REALLY weird with, say, some frothy pastel confection from Marchesa.

Having said that: Flip-flops? Really? REALLY, Halle? At a big movie premiere? The red carpet is not a red-sand beach, much as that might improve things (just THINK of the number of poorly concealed bathing suits people would wear; we'd be updating a hundred times a day). And sure, it's been 100-plus outside and merely getting in the car and driving to the supermarket involves scorching one's palms on the steering wheel. But as the day's sweltering heat slowly became merely an extremely warm evening, are you telling me Halle couldn't have done it up a bit fancier for her pals in The Soloist? Found some cute flat sandals, if need be? Or at least worn some nicer flip-flops?

Okay, full disclosure: In my book, there is no such thing as nice flip-flops. Hey, we all have our quirks; I also hate sushi, and ergo expect to be deported from California at any moment. But, there are more event-appropriate versions that still ventilate the feet. I can't look at these on her feet here without thinking, "I don't CARE how hot it was. You're at a PREMIERE. PLEASE JUST TRY."

Here's the thing: I mostly want to fug this dress outright.

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It's kind of dumpy on her, right? But I also think it's a really bizarre choice for a premiere of a movie -- in which she co-stars -- about a father who wakes up in his teens again and lives it up before (I assume) learning a very important life lesson about how his Youth Is For The Young, But That Doesn't Mean You Can't Enjoy Your Life As It Is, Fool. I'd have expected her to show up in something a bit flirtier, maybe shorter, more playful. -- as opposed to a gown she'd wear to someone's grandmother's charity fundraiser.

But her skin does look incredible. And it's possible I'm biased against Michelle Trachtenberg a bit because every time I see her, I'm reminded of how much I am dreading her return appearance on Gossip Girl. To keep me honest, I'm putting this in your hands.

Okay, first of all: we get it.

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Second of all, this dress is -- undeniably -- gorgeous. Thirdly: that doesn't mean it works on her. D) Have you SEEN the tag line for Grey Gardens? It's something like, "the true story of Jackie O's incredible relatives." I'M NOT KIDDING. How freaking lazy is that? I mean, I guess it's DIRECT, but it's also BORING and doesn't seem to convey the idea that Drew is playing a woman who regularly wore her skirt on her head as a fashion statement. I'm serious. That needs to be better conveyed, and "Jackie O's crazy relatives!" doesn't do it. On the other hand, this would be an amusing trend. Like, "Terminator Salvation: Yeah, Yeah, This Is the Movie Where Bale Lost His Shit." Or, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince: The Awesome One With All the Flashbacks and Stuff, But Be Warned BAD THINGS HAPPEN AT THE END.." (iv)  I guess that doesn't have anything to do with the matter at hand, but I had to get that out.

 
When I first saw this pic, I was like, "Drew looks great!" and then I looked at it closer, and I was all, "DOES Drew look great?"

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[Photo: Splash News]

My internal monologue went something like, yes. No. Yes. I love the shoes. I don't know about the hair. No. No, she doesn't. Wait. Yes. She really does.  She looks adorable. I don't know. Is it that flattering? Sure it is. She looks totally cute. I don't know, but I feel like she could have looked BETTER. Sometimes I feel like the only person in the world who doesn't like Cadbury Creme eggs. No, I think she does look cute. Is Tim Riggins returning to Friday Night Lights, and if not, whatever will I do? No, she looks mediocre. No, cute. Mediocre. Super cute. RIGGINS! I love her. No, I don't. Well, you don't HATE her. No, that's true. I like her fine. That length is good on her. What should I have for lunch? You haven't even had breakfast. I wonder where I put my pants. I DO like this. Maybe I do. Maybe I don't. I DON'T. No, I actually do.


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KEITH URBAN: I'm so very happy. I may BURST INTO SONG!

NICOLE KIDMAN: I have a wee secret.

KEITH: Just a moment, Nicole! I feel song coming on!

NICOLE: Oh, I can wait. My entire look is centered around the concept of coyness.

KEITH: Wait. What do you mean?

NICOLE: Do you really want to know?

KEITH: Obviously. Now, I'm intrigued.

NICOLE: Have you seen the front of my dress?

KEITH: Well, duh. I'm RIGHT HERE.

NICOLE: Check out the back:

Oh, JANICE. I do love you. So take this in the spirit in which it is intended:

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Girl, those things are about to make a run for it. But other than that, I am...torn on your dress. I'm having one of those days where I can't really decide on anything. Do I want cereal, or yogurt for breakfast? Do I want to wear THESE jeans, or THOSE jeans? Should I stare out the window for ten minutes, or look at the wall? Is this sweet, but just ill-fitting? Or is it sweet, but too young for you? Or...oh, take it over for me from here. I have this wall to look at.



I confess, I still think this is about 97 percent fab:

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[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

But... Is her groin FROWNING at me? What could I possibly have done to offend her pelvic region? We don't even know each other. Maybe her nethers just really hate Fug Madness. Well, too bad, Nethers. You won't win THAT one.

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[Photo: Nylon Magazine]

(a) Congrats to Nylon for making it 10 years; especially considering the current state of print media, that is an accomplishment.

(b) Congrats to whomever scrubbed the spray tan off Lilo. I hope you got a bonus.

(c) I had boxer shorts in the same print as whatever those bottoms are IN 1999, and I felt like Kelly Taylor when I wore them around. Kudos for verisimilitude!

(d) IS Lindsay Lohan REALLY a "pin-up for a new era"? I feel like, "a hot mess for a new era" might be more accurate. Or, "a Meredith Baxter Birney for a new era."

(e) Those are...some extensions.

(f) If cropped sweaters are coming back, I quit.
 
Oh, jumpsuits. Will you ever go away?

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Don't answer that question. The truth of the matter is that Christina Hendricks here looks pretty good in said jumpsuit, which surprises me in that (a) I always assumed that the jumpsuit was best suited for the very tiniest of our female brethren, (b) her boob-wrangling track record is not the greatest, although of course she is herself quite a dish. That being said, I must admit that I am scared of what this looks like from other angles. As we've learned from Poor Sad Jessica Simpson: Child of Tragedy, the BACK of the jumpsuit is often where things fall apart. And yet I have no shot of the rear view. Which means I must give the thumbs up or down based solely on instinct.

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