Fug or Fab

October 14, 2009

Fab or Fug: Lauren Ambrose

So, this is kind of unusual. This dress appears to be held up by MAGIC:

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But I think I really like it. I, TOO, give it the thumbS up. Am I crazy? By the way, when you ask Dr Google if you're crazy, the answer you most often get is that you are actually PSYCHIC. Which means I can finally tell you guys some of the information I have about you: Jennifer K in Philadelphia, your boyfriend IS going to propose! MAZEL TOV! We're so excited for you. Allison L in Des Moines, make sure you get your oil changed. Katherine in Topeka, that leftover spaghetti in the fridge has turned. DO NOT EAT IT. Tom in Rhode Island, those pants do NOT make your ass look fat, that coworker is just jealous. Francine from Minneapolis, you should not buy those boots right now, they WILL go on sale. And, finally, Jessica in Los Angeles, do NOT buy this dress, you're supposed to be saving your money.
 

Well. America Ferrera looks fantastic from the neck up.

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From the neck down, on the other hand, she looks like sgaeyqi0o8hy6YNHBBBBBBBBZPGIOJI3UUUUUUU 3RUtGXDHHHOoooooooqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqq.

Excuse me. I'm so sorry. I just lost consciousness, due to FLAMING FIERY BOREDOM. I mean, sure, this is fine if you're going to court to contest a speeding ticket or to a meeting of your co-op board at which you will be questioned for hours regarding a loud and inappropriate Beer Pong party you may or may not have had, or to sign your will. If you are a twenty-four year old actress, and you are not in Halloween costume as Katie Couric, however, it is unacceptably SNOOZEVILLE. Plus, it is doing her youthful bod no favors.

Later, America changed into this:
Our girl Sophia Bush has been out and about a lot the last couple of days, handily illustrating the thrill of sartorial victory and the agony of its defeat.

This one, I think, is a win:

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Does she look like the world's sexiest referee? Maybe, although she was smart to leave her whistle at home. But she also looks sort of modern and graphic and curvy -- frankly, I think this works, although I'm concerned that her shoes are brown. Surely that's just craziness on my part, however, yes? Brown shoes would be foolishness at the level of the fact that last night's One Tree Hill involved NO MALE SHIRTLESSNESS. Considering that this is the first time that has EVER happened on that show, let's just say....I am concerned. Also, I'd like to take this moment to officially thank the OTH crew for casting Hot Hot Robert Buckley as Nathan's Generally Shirtless Troubled Manwhore Agent With a Heart of Gold and MYSTERIOUS PAST.  I'd also like to share that when I originally wrote that sentence, I accidentally left out the word "Agent," and I admit that I would also watch THAT show.

Anyway, further craziness on Sophia's part, however, is amply demonstrated by THIS:
Penelope Cruz was all over the place this weekend -- drumming up early press for Nine, I guess.

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[Photo: Splash News]

Also, judging from this photo, doing an artful impression of some of the 1980s' most trendily-decorated breakfast rooms, all covered in white trellis and redolent of wicker and Morgan Fairchild and white wine spritzers. Someone somewhere is surely looking at her and thinking, "I can't wait to serve a quiche on that."

Luckily, she went out on Sunday night looking a bit less like somewhere you'd go for brunch with your grandma:

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Look, I'm not here to judge whether Marge is crazy to decide to follow in Heidi Pratt's footsteps and pose for Playboy. (I do have to wonder whether or not she's thought about the fact that her goodies are going to be oogled by everyone in Springfield, from Kent Brockman to Supernintendo Chalmers to Milhouse. I mean, the reaction from Ned Flanders alone is going to make inter-neighborly conversation mildly unbearable for at least a month, don't you think? I can't even conceive of poor Lisa's reaction -- horror, surely.) But suffice it to say, I find it bizarre that such a sensible, grounded celebrity as Marge Simpson --  who was once a member of the Citizens' Committee on Moral Hygiene and bulldozed a house of ill-repute! -- would decide to make this career move. Perhaps it was inspired by that time she worked at the erotic bakery? Is she having a mid-life crisis? Does she really need to get Homer's attention (because if so, I hope the pictorial inside involves posing with a donut over each breast)? Clearly, we'll never know. But what I do know is that there is NO WAY the fine people at Playboy didn't have a better option for this cover: Marge is one hot number -- especially for her freakishly indeterminate age -- and she surely could be WORKING this beehive-and-chair look. Instead, I feel like she looks a bit cold and a little freaked out. I expect more hotness from a woman who's been working the same strapless dress for twenty years, don't you?

October 9, 2009

Fug or Fab: Freida Pinto

I love Freida Pinto. I think she is so pretty. Today would be so much more delicious if I were Freida Pinto, running around Paris and looking at myself in the mirror and brushing my pretty shiny hair. Although....would I have to be wearing THIS?

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The color? Divine. The skirt? Shall we call it...intriguing? I must admit that I rather want to touch it. At least it's tactile-y....fascinating, rather like an adorable and complex high-end loofah. Her shoes? Be-spatted, or covered in little wine-bottle gift bags? Her bag? An afterthought, yes? Her face? Gorgeous. At least she's got that.

October 9, 2009

Fug or Fab: Sophia Bush

You guys, I'm so glad One Tree Hill is back. Seriously. I miss Chad Michael Murray's squints of judgment/joy/sorrow/fear/ambivalence, but it's still juicy. Murderous grave-immolating heart-eaten-by-a-dog Dan Scott is a life coach! He's married to ex-drug addict and semi-trashy cheerleader (and former classmate of both his children) Rachel! Nathan may or may not have impregnanted a ho one night on the road with his NBA team! Robert Buckley is charming and sometimes shirtless! Jana Kramer is hilarious as a shallow movie star! Skills hasn't gone to prison yet in real life and so he's still being all awesome with little Jamie! Brooke Davis has a hot boyfriend for the first time in two years! Haley's hair color is totally wrong! Mouth is... never mind. But suffice it to say, I'm glad the secret greatest show on television is entertaining me anew.

Which is more than I can say for Sophia Bush's dress. Nice transition, eh? No? Well, too bad, so sad -- which, again, is something I might say to Sophia Bush if she asked me about this outfit.

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I know that's a pretty negative intro for a Fug or Fab, but here's why the post is filed thusly: This MIGHT be very pretty. But it's hard for me to judge the dress on its own merits, because something about it is so very wrong to me on Sophia. Maybe it's the styling: Loose hair flowing into shoulder ruffle flowing into large ruffled skirt equals a whole lot of STUFF. There's no grace, no neck;  it's all shoulders and floppy bits. The judging panel of America's Next Top Model would be horrified, before complimenting her on her ability to "smize," and yes, Tyra has invented her own contraction for "smile with your eyes." I KNOW. It's only a matter of time before she buys Webster's and puts out a dictionary all her own.

Back to Sophia: I don't think the dress works in motion, either:

Hey guys,

Starting this one off with a bit of housekeeping. Because we've really enjoyed having comments open on the Unfug It Up posts, we've decided to open them occasionally on other sorts of posts as well -- like Fug or Fabs, so you guys can weigh in on the very pressing issues at hand, as well as voting. Thanks for being such an awesome community, and we look forward to reading all your funny, constructive, clever commentary.

ONWARDS. Let's talk about Leighton.

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First off, I need to say in a public forum that I found Hilary Duff to be surprisingly kind of charming and likeable on Gossip Girl this week. She's a better actress than certain regulars who shall remain nameless (not you, Leighton. You're always excellent, even if there's something about your current plotline that makes me mutter, "don't you have CLASS TO GO TO?" like a crotchety old bat). Charming and likeable, much like this entire look...until you get to the shoes. Which I love. But the socks make me want to stab myself with a baguette and pelt innocent children with hardened discs of pate (...when in Paris). And I don't understand why she appears to be holding what is surely the poshest, priciest, most covetable laptop bag ever. In short, confusion reigns. As usual.
 
October 7, 2009

Fug or Fab: Kate Moss

I've got to say...a leather turtleneck dress? BOLD.

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Also, hot: both in the sense that's it's very Angelina Jolie In Mr and Mrs Smith Sexy, and it must be literally, Wow I'm Sweating Like the Proverbial Prostitute in a Place of Worship hot. Although, let's be honest: we all know Kate Moss never has to deal with anything as plebeian as sweat tricking down the back of her knee.  I know I started this entry with an eye to polling you on whether she looks Fug or Fabl, but I must be honest: I think she looks, as Miss Tyra would say, FIERCE.
October 7, 2009

Fug or Fab: Kristen Bell

Kristen Bell just trotted out something fresh from Marchesa's Spring 2010 presentation, and it's got me a tad indecisive.

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Pro: It doesn't make her look stumpy.

Con: It does make her look bandaged.

Pro: It's intricate!

Con: It looks like it's a magician's assistant who accidentally swallowed the magic scarf and just sneezed it to freedom.

Pro: I love the restrained styling everywhere else.

Con: I don't have her shoulders.

Pro: I could maybe get her shoulders if I exercised more.

Con: That's so not happening.

Pro: Oh, really? You can't find ten minutes at night to do some push-ups or something before bed?

Con: Shut up.

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