Fug or Fab

September 16, 2009

VMA Fug or Fab Carpet: Solange

You know, believe it or not, I think the haircut is the least of Solange's problems.

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It has grown on me. I actually think she might pull it off if she knew what the hell to do with her makeup -- her lips look like she just snacked on a bottle of Pepto Bismol.

And then there's the dress. For New York mag, I wrote that she's dressed as a present someone brought to a funeral, and I do still believe that. I mean, I'm pretty sure the thing on her right shoulder is something Target sells in a rainbow of colors.  But the more I stare at her, the more I conclude: She's kind of WORKING it, no? Yeah, there's some reflection coming off her left boob, but this is Solange we're talking about -- she's finally picked something unusual that DOESN'T look like she drew it after she was hanging something in the bathroom and slipped and hit her head on the toilet. I've got to give her props for that.

I'm flummoxed.

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I SHOULD think this dress is cute. But somehow it's not working for me on Alicia. Kind of like how I SHOULD like peanut butter and bacon sandwiches, because peanut butter and bacon are magically delicious, but for whatever reason the two just don't go together for me. Am I just out of sorts? Do I need more sleep? Some champagne? A back rub from Intern George? Or is my vague and hard-to-articulate sense of "meh" well-placed? I need your guidance, Fug Nation.

September 10, 2009

Fug or Fab: Jacinda Barrett

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GABRIEL MACHT: HO HO HO!

JACINDA BARRETT: What are you laughing about?

GABRIEL: Oh, just trying to look breezy.

JACINDA: Why?

GABRIEL: Oh, you know. It's good to look casual and devil-may-care at these things. Oh, HOLLYWOOD! You AMUSE! Etc.

JACINDA: Maybe we should just talk to each other. Like normal married people.

GABRIEL: Indeed! JACINDA! TREASURED BRIDE! I loved you on THE REAL WORLD! HO HO HO REALITY TELEVISION.

JACINDA: Seriously? I've been in a ton of movies. You have to bring this up? You know how I feel about it.

GABRIEL: HA HA HA YOU ARE A CARD! Pretending I have RUFFLED your RUFFLES! HO!

JACINDA: I am going to find the open bar now. Why don't you ask these nice people what they think of my outfit?

September 10, 2009

Fug or Fab: Ginnifer Goodwin

What say ye, Fug Nation: Cute, youthful cocktail dress?

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Or the model for the cake at a heart surgeon's retirement party?

September 9, 2009

Fug or Fab: Freida Pinto

When I saw this photo of Freida Pinto, I thought, "Oh, dear. OH DEAR." Because I was not sure at all I would like where this is going:

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Freida Pinto seems so low-key and charming, and SO above showing up somewhere in a dress that's a glorified bra connected to a skirt by a zipper on a sheer overlay. That feels like famewhore behavior, and she seems the exact opposite of that. Like, to the point where if Fame came up to her and offered her a really cheap rate on an erotic massage, I seriously think Freida would be like, "Nah, I'm just going to go home and watch Big Brother and wonder why the wardrobe people still manage to make Julie Chen look like she shops at Talbots For Seniors even though she's pregnant." Okay, maybe I'm projecting, but you get the gist.

Then she turned around:
September 9, 2009

Fug or Fab: Eva Mendes

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NICOLAS CAGE: Hello, special lady.

EVA MENDES: Hi, Nic. Is there something on your face?

NICOLAS: It's my new, wholly mature facial scruff. Is there something on your crotch?

EVA: Just my dress.

NICOLAS: Are you sure it's not a special awards rosette? Did your crotch win a prize?

EVA: Yes. It was named a national treasure.

NICOLAS: Was it?

EVA: No, idiot.

NICOLAS: Are you sure? Because I was just saying the other day that my National Treasure franchise needs a third part. National Treasure: Crotch of Lies? National Treasure: Woman-Cave of Mystery? National Treasure: Enigmatic Lady-Labyrinth?

EVA: You are talking nonsense that is even weirder than your hair is whenever you're in a movie.

NICOLAS: WELL. If you're going to get personal, I'll point out that I'm pretty sure the cut of that dress went out of style two years ago.

EVA: Petulance doesn't suit you.

NICOLAS: I KNOW YOU ARE, BUT WHAT AM I?

EVA: Right.

September 3, 2009

Fug or Fab: Olivia Wilde

I love Olivia Wilde, and not because she managed to slog her way through that somewhat poorly-executed Marissa Experiments With Lesbianism storyline on The OC without visibility rolling her eyes on camera.

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I love her because when she was interviewed about being ranked Number One on Maxim's Hot 100 List over the summer, she was kind of hilarious, noting that she was "honored to be considered warmer than the average taco," saying that she stays so hot thanks to "fourteen tablespoons cayenne pepper in [her] VERY HOT coffee each morning," and she used the word "thrice." Anyone who uses the word "thrice" is automatically noted as A Friend of GFY.  And she certainly is very pretty. But let's talk about her dress. Does it make me want to running screaming out into the yard and set the squirrels on fire with rage? Absolutely not. In fact, I think I might like it. And it looks comfortable. You guys know how I feel about clothing in which I feel that I could comfortably eat an enchilada platter or two: VERY pro. But I woke up this morning and thought it was Friday, so who knows if I'm on the right track.
 

First and foremost, I think we can all agree that Tatyana "Ashley Banks" Ali grew up to be super gorgeous.

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But let's talk about her dress. I kind of can't figure it out. Like...literally. It's sequined....right? And....sort of striped? Or that's just how she's standing? And if so, does it vaguely resemble newsprint? And if so, is that still okay? Or is what looks like a pattern actually just reflections of the light combined with the way she's standing? Or are they a sort of Rorschach test-esque pattern in which I keep seeing a sports bra, and if so, does that mean my subconscious wants me to work out more? Or does any reference to The Fresh Prince just act as a flimsy excuse for me to post this?




(YouTube has yanked the sound from that video, but you KNOW what song is playing. Hum it at work.) You be the judge.

I am getting old.

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Five years ago, this would have whipped me into a FRENZY over how RIDICULOUS it is that the Olsen twins are wearing #%tddw$%^##^&*()()))#@!!!  tulle rabbit ears, like two tragic Playboy bunnies who're going through some kind of tiresome art school phase where they lounge around the mansion reading Anais Nin and smoking cloves and talking about how their work as centerfolds is really just a post-modern reclamation of the male gaze and telling Hef not to be such a phallocentrist perv. But now that I'm old, I feel like, a) screw The Girls Next Door, THAT's the reality show I want to watch, and b) eh, the rabbit ears are kind of cute in an admittedly obviously silly way, and the twins look fantastic from the neck down -- well, A does. M-K's dress is a bit too festooned for my taste, but...details -- so let's all just have a beer and relax.
 
Sweet Mary Jane, I love the Daytime Emmys. For one, I love soaps, and for another, it gives all these people who work tirelessly to make sure that we can still watch characters coming back from the dead, or marrying their way through an entire extended family, or trying to make themselves temporarily blind by injecting Botox into their [WORD REDACTED TO AVOID CAUSING ME SEVERE MENTAL TRAUMA].

And speaking of Mary Jane, this lady -- Stacy Haiduk -- plays a character on The Young and the Restless by that name.

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Now, Mary Jane is really Patty Williams, who had good old-fashioned face-changing surgery so she could skulk into town pretending to be someone else and wreak havoc on her enemies, and also executed a good old-fashioned "drug a dude so he'll think you're someone else, sleep with you, and get you pregnant" scheme. And so even if I hate what she's wearing, this is probably the perfect thing for Ms. Haiduk's character: We can see her villainous nipple shields, and she's wearing truly evil semi-detached beaded sleeves, all of which make her look like a classic overdramatic soap villainess who likes to throw gala parties at which everyone drinks punch spiked with hormones and a dead body falls out of a cake (so, you know, your typical Labor Day barbecue).

But in aligning fashion and fiction, I'm thinking maybe Stacy shouldn't have gone QUITE so far. For instance, she brought her co-star:

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