Golden Globes Archives

January 14, 2009

Golden Globes Fug/Decent Carpet: Ashton and Demi

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ASHTON KUTCHER: I can't believe you just said that.

DEMI MOORE: YOU ASKED.

ASHTON: I didn't say, "do I look like a douche tonight?"

DEMI: Well, I just thought you would want to know.

ASHTON: Is it the hair?

DEMI: Eh.

ASHTON: Is it the all-black? Am I trying too hard? Would you have liked this on, like, Samuel L. Jackson because he's more of a bad-ass motherfu-

DEMI: ASHTON. WE'RE ON CAMERA. THE LANGUAGE. Anyway, Sam wouldn't wear that. He's too cool.

ASHTON: Why are you so mean to me? I told you I thought you looked like a hot 70s mama!

DEMI: Uh-huh.

ASHTON: I didn't mean you looked OLD. I just meant...I mean...shit. Uh. You look hot, dude.

DEMI: Sweet.

ASHTON: Are you making fun of Dude, Where's My Car? HOW COULD YOU?

DEMI: It's to pay you back for that facial hair.

ASHTON: Oh. OH. Oh. Okay.

January 14, 2009

Golden Globes Post-Party Fug: Lindsay Sloane

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I've heard actress Lindsay Sloane is a really cool girl, and I still have the fondest memories of her on Grosse Pointe as the Tori Spelling/Donna Martin on the show and its show-within-the-show. But, bless her, she looked a total disaster at the Globes afterparties.

Just for reference, here is what she once looked like:

And here is what she did on Sunday night:

Continue reading Golden Globes Post-Party Fug: Lindsay Sloane.

January 14, 2009

Golden Globes Fug and Fab Red Carpet: Brangelina

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Brad and Angelina had a big night at the Globes. Well, neither of them won anything. But they expended a lot of energy not talking to Ryan Seacrest on the red carpet, and that had to take it out of them. While I found the long stretch of that telecast where he chased them around and they pretended he didn't exist AMAZING in the moment, and I think we all kind of enjoyed seeing poor Ryan get it handed to him a bit, in retrospect it kind of made Brangelina look a wee bit douchey. I mean, come on: it's SEACREST. He's harmless. He doesn't even get to go inside the hotel. Throw the kid a bone. That way, later, you can congratulate yourself on being so gracious and being smug is really fun. Unlike your outfits, I feel:

Okay, okay: Brad looks great. He looks like...Brad Pitt. Angie, on the other hand....meh. You know? A particularly wise reader emailed us on Monday and pointed out that while the tabloids seem to think that Angelina and Aniston are the most interesting people in the world, they certainly don't dress like it. And I am inclined to agree. I mean, should not Angelina Jolie, one of the most beautiful women alive, who is living, by all accounts, a very interesting life, be able to engender more than a "....meh"? Also -- I'LL JUST SAY IT -- I think this dress makes her look kind of boxy. SHE'S NOT. SHE'S ANGELINA JOLIE. SHE'S HOT. I mean, I get that she is More Interested In Saving The Children or whatever than her outfits on a day-to-day basis and I agree that's probably the right order of priorities, but I still sort of want to see her sweep into places looking magically gorgeous in, like....a color? You know? Why can't she just give me what I want? I'M the Seacrest over here, all chasing after her being like, "ANGIE, ANGIE, PLEASE TRY A NICE PEACOCK BLUE? OR A YELLOW? HOW'S ABOUT A NICE YELLOW? HELLO? HELLO? HEY!" Sigh. Alas.

January 14, 2009

Golden Globes Fug Carpet: Miley Cyrus

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wearing white

Some of our good will toward Miley Cyrus evaporated when she complained to Ryan Seacrest that the Porsche she got for her 16th birthday was USED, since it used to be her mother's. We assume her diamond shoes are also too tight and that she's not sleeping well because the piles and piles of money that make up her mattress aren't terribly comfortable. In short, WAAAAH.

But, it's also a VERY 16-year-old-girl thing to rib your parents about on TV -- well, if you are rich -- and it's nice to see a kid in Hollywood acting her age, even if what's coming out of her mouth is completely unrelatable to most of our lives. I'd prefer that than her being paraded around nightclubs like she's 25 so her mother can try and pose as her older sister.

Which is why I also liked her dress:

So many people hated this. Maybe I'm just going soft, but I think it works. It's soft and sweet, and she looks like a young girl at an awards show rather than how stiff and stodgy she looked in her red dress at last year's Oscars. Okay, so the necklace disappearing into her cleavage is maybe not a great idea. And the cleavage itself, I can't decide if it's a lot or a normal amount -- from some angles it seems fine, and from others, I wonder. But overall we thought Miley looked charming. The two of us, thus far, have been on an island with that one, though. We don't mind being alone out here -- it's very peaceful -- but we'd PREFER it if we had some company, say, in the form of Sawyer sans shirt. Or Desmond, who could write messages in the sand and then read them aloud in his dreamy accent. I really hope they vote.

poll by twiigs.com

January 13, 2009

Golden Globes Post-Party Fug: Taylor Momsen

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"Hi. I'm Taylor Momsen. I'm one of the stars of the CW mega-hit Gossip Girl. And I'm here to talk to you about one of the most serious issues facing teens today. It's something that my character, Jenny Humphrey, has been dealing with all season. And it's something I've had to deal with in my own life. It's a bad haircut. And it can happen to anyone.

It starts so innocently. Someone you trust comes up to you and says, ''let's do something funky with your hair! Something to match your eyeliner. Something ROCK AND ROLL!' And you think, 'that sounds fun! Why not?' But what starts as a kicky, layered hipster cut turns into something that people on the internet feel is essentially a mullet. And at first, you're in denial. You're like, 'no. I can handle this.' But then you wake up one morning and you realize that YOU NEED HELP. Professional help. Because it is a mullet, and you can't handle it.

But what you don't realize is that the road back from a bad hair cut is a long, long, long one. And it's hard. People say, 'it's just hair. It will grow.' But, dude. It grows really slow. And sometimes the emotional scars take even longer to heal. Look at me: my hair is truly on the way back from Mulletville, but I'm too scared to let anyone near my bangs. And you can tell from my expression that I may never fully recover from what my hair did to me this year. I'm full of resentment. And a little hate. And I can never get back my innocence. It's gone, even more surely and more completely than any residual love you might have had for my character, that annoying little Jenny Humphrey.

So think about that, friends, when someone from craft services comes up to you wielding a pair of pinking shears and promising to just take a little off the top. Your hair might grow back, but your spirit dies forever.

Thank you for listening. Please watch Gossip Girl, Mondays at 8pm on the CW. I heard that some people have a pool for how and when Schwartz is going to kill me off. I put $50 on season three November sweeps, being mauled by lions at the Bronx Zoo. Cross your fingers."

January 13, 2009

Golden Globes Post-Party Fug: Jennifer Esposito

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AW HELL NO:

I am NOT doing that shoulder pad thing again. HAVE YOU SEEN MY 7TH GRADE PICTURES?

January 13, 2009

Golden Globes Post-Party Fug: Blake Lively

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Dear Serena,

You're GORGEOUS. I covet both your hair AND your boobs. You are crazy hot. That being said, you should know that is it totally okay to go up a size if something feels a little snug. For one thing, it makes it easier to eat later. I know this for a fact. Just in case you were wondering. Okay? Okay. Nibble on Chuck Bass's ear for me, would you?

xoxo

Fug Girl

January 13, 2009

Golden Globes Post-Party Fug or Fab: Heidi Klum

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The problem with Heidi Klum is that she could probably show up somewhere wearing a bag of sugar and a hat made of three live cats and sort of pull it off, because she's so dang good-looking. Let me be clear: this is probably not a problem for HER. But IT MAKES OUR LIVES HARDER. How are we supposed to know WHAT TO THINK ABOUT HER? Like, take this, for example:

That is one big flower. The whole thing, in fact, is kind of Carrie Bradshaw on steroids. Although I appreciate the fact that she hasn't accessorized with a six-pound, solid-gold "HEIDI" necklace, or broken up with Seal twelve times on the way into this party, only to finally allow him to marry her at the end of the event even though he's been a total manchild who will never grow up, thus sending a message to the women of America that -- okay, deep breaths. I'm still not over how crappy that Sex and the City movie, I guess. Call me, Kristin Davis: we can commiserate! What was I talking about? Ah, yes: this frock.

poll by twiigs.com

January 13, 2009

Golden Globes Post-Party Fug: Yvonne Strahovski

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pink

It really pains me to do this, because Yvonne Strahovski is SO good and SO pretty and SO kick-ass on Chuck. I mean, it takes a lot to hold your own in a scene with Adam Baldwin, due to his intimidating, innate, awesome badassitude, but she does it. I want nothing but good things for her.

Ergo, I do not want this dress for her.

It's... kind of a cross between a ballroom dancing costume, and something one might wear to the Rhythmic Gymnasts' Association season-ending formal. Although, in the end, that event might be more fun than a Globes party: There's probably just as much free-flowing alcohol, but about a 70-percent greater chance of seeing two people start dueling drunkenly with those ribbons-on-sticks.

January 13, 2009

Golden Globes Post-Party Fug: Eva La Rue

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The voting on Marisa Tomei's Golden Globes ensemble was split pretty much down the middle as of this writing: 50 percent of people liked it, and the other 50 percent were divided between the other three more negative options of not getting it, not liking it, or thinking they would've liked it if she'd executed it better.

So I'll be curious to see what you think of Eva La Rue's more casual variation on the theme.

With Tomei's, I voted "I appreciate what she's going for, but I don't think it worked." And I have to say, I feel almost identically about this. In general I prefer this belt to Marisa's weird lacy cummerbund, and I think Eva's shoes are super cute. But the blouse is awful. It looks like it cost her about $5 to buy this thing off a barmaid at the Hofbrauhaus in Las Vegas. Plus the sleeve poofs are both larger and less elegantly executed than those on Marisa's shirt -- I would not be at all surprised to find out that Ms. La Rue had a horrible accident with a pair of Kleenex boxes ten minutes before arriving on the red (grey) carpet.

So overall, I think I'm giving the win to Marisa. Especially because, in life, Eva La Rue has the clear advantage -- I mean, she once got to come back from the dead on a soap opera, even if it was a horribly executed comeback involving prolonged amnesia, AND she works with David Caruso at her day job. We keep asking Intern George to put on a red wig and sunglasses and speak only in halting, hideous puns before making dramatic exits from the room after each sentence. But so far he has not obliged. (We'll keep him anyway.)

poll by twiigs.com

Golden Globes

Golden Globes Fug/Decent Carpet: Ashton and Demi

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Golden Globes Post-Party Fug: Lindsay Sloane

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Golden Globes Fug and Fab Red Carpet: Brangelina

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Golden Globes Fug Carpet: Miley Cyrus

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Golden Globes Post-Party Fug: Taylor Momsen

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Golden Globes Post-Party Fug: Jennifer Esposito

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Golden Globes Post-Party Fug: Blake Lively

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Golden Globes Post-Party Fug or Fab: Heidi Klum

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Golden Globes Post-Party Fug: Yvonne Strahovski

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Golden Globes Post-Party Fug: Eva La Rue

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