High Fugshion

How sad am I that security wouldn't let us get anywhere near the front rows at Calvin Klein? For that reason I missed the sassy anecdote that I'm SURE should accompany this photo of Lauren Hutton:

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I hope she's saying, "What the hell is with these jumpsuit cuffs? Am I on death row? I DON'T THINK SO."

-- Also at Thursday's Calvin Klein show: Miss Tyra totally stole all the thunder and a paparazzo yelled at Rachel Zoe. I never thought I'd feel bad for her, but lo and behold, my heart grew three sizes that day.

-- We were very concerned that Anna Wintour's longtime boyfriend's daughter might go into labor in the middle of the Vera Wang show. That would make one hell of a review: "So good, my water broke!" Also, does that make Anna a step-grandmother of sorts? I'm sure the very thought gives her the vapors.

-- At Phi, Emmy Rossum wore dominatrix shoes. Also, in typing up that story, I kept mistyping the word "public" as "pubic," and then I would notice the typo and go in to fix it and type "pubic" AGAIN. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

-- Cynthia Rowley tried to kill everyone at her show. She may not have REALIZED that's what was going on, but seriously, anyone who wasn't Julia Stiles or Tatum O'Neal put his or her life on the line just trying to get into a seat.

-- Diane Kruger didn't bring Pacey to Tommy Hilfiger. HOW DARE SHE DO THAT TO US?
Let's see....what happened yesterday? We did not end up stuck in an elevator with Anna Wintour. (If this happens, I plan to talk to her about tennis.) We did not talk our ways into a cameo on Gossip Girl (I want to play the crafty blogger who makes out with Chuck as a way to help him make Blair jealous).  We did not trip out of our high heels and land in the laps of any luminaries. However, we did see this:

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"Hee hee! Tell me again how pretty I am, Mr. de la Renta. TELL ME!" If you can only have one celeb at a show, it might as well be Ms Lo.

Also included with purchase:

Emmy Rossum + Leighton Meester = I don't know how to feel.

It turns out that Lauren Conrad is lovely in person and Lo looks like she's about to tell you to f' off.  And, in fact, probably wants to, at least in my case.

Blake Lively was very pretty at Michael Kors, but could she outshine BETTE FREAKING MIDLER? What do you think?

Oh, Amy Lee. Your name rhymes with Anna Sui. And how crazy you be.

AHOY MATEYS!

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Get ready, ladies! The men of Spring 09 are going all pirate on your ass! Well, at least they will for Betsey Johnson, whose show was the most CRACKED OUT yet, which is saying a lot. Did we mention she had a pirate walk the runway? Tossing out doubloons? Because she DID.

Nothing, really, can top that. But we did go to some other shows:

-- So, NASTIA LIUKIN AND RYAN LOCHTE ARE TOTALLY DATING! We saw them together, it must be true. Also, other people came to Max Azria. Who? We don't know. We're busy picking out what to wear to the wedding.

-- Julianna Marguiles is incredibly gorgeous in person and her husband is wickedly hot. We'd hate her, but she seems so nice. Also at Narciso Rodriguez: Claire Danes (with bitchface) and Jessica Alba, who we suspect is trying to get herself a Vogue cover.

-- What else happened today? Dear reader, we are kind of sleepy right now. Forgive us if this thing is riddled with typos. I only had one Diet Coke today. ONE. I should be on a caffeine drip this week! Oh, right: we saw a very cute Kelly Osbourne at Matthew Williamson, which was also full of really cute dresses.

-- Also full of pretty things? Monique Lhuiller, which also boasted Rosetta Getty (and others), who managed not to scream expletives about Sienna Miller to the thundering heavens, which is more maybe than we could have managed.
Whoever told Little J this haircut was a good idea should be shot.

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We would have said something ourselves when we saw her yesterday at Chris Benz, but we had Eva Amurri's Hammer pants to contend with.

Also in the mix: our girl A Dubs skipped Proenza to see her hot sexy tennis player friend/secret lover Roger Federer win his fifth US Open. PS: She really didn't miss much. Except Nicole Richie. And Kayne West talking about his blog. It's going to be so much fun when he starts guest-fugging for us.

We went to Diesel again this year, and witnessed much canoodling and also Juliette Lewis.

And, finally, we saw Renee Zellweger at -- where else? -- Carolina Herrera and, sadly, were not impressed. STOP THE BOTOX MADNESS, RENEE.



When I noted that Blake Lively wore an unfortunate jumpsuit to last night's Miss Sixty show, I was NOT KIDDING:

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Next stop: Chico's. But for real. If Blake Lively can't wear those, WHO CAN? Also, are they...cargo-y? Hold me. And then, while you're stoking my hair, you can read about the crazy behavior I saw that this show above and beyond ye old jumpsuit.

We kicked off our Sunday with a Mermaids reunion at DNKY, when Cher was seated next to Jake Ryan. By which we mean, "when Christina Ricci was seated next to Winona Ryder," which, honestly, is almost as good. And Nicole Richie was there! And PETA stormed the runway! It was pretty awesome, actually.

Next, we tackled the world of the bandage dress at Herve Leger, and had an unexpected brush with death. At the hands of Rosario Dawson, of all people. Well, inadvertently.

Once we recovered from almost dying, we ran downtown to hang out with Vincent Gallo. Unbeknownst to him. Also seen at Y3: calf-length, mesh man-dresses. Pick up one for your boyfriend today!

And because we, like Vanessa L Williams, like to save the best for last, we closed out our weekend with the sartorial stylings of Justin Timberlake at William Rast. Complete with bonus buckets of beer!
AND WE HAVE LOHAN:

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And Ronson, too. Photo by Heather, who managed to get much closer than I did.  Lindsay was NOT wearing leggings -- or even any leggings-esque jeans -- which is probably good because who knows what we would have said to her if we could have gotten her attention. Oh, let's be honest: it probably would have been something like, "Your shoes are awesome." The crush of paparazzi around the lovebirds was a sight to behold. You can read all about it here.

What else did we do today, other than stalk Lindsay Lohan, you ask? We swam through a tropical storm, took shelter in many of Manhattan's finest bars, and:

-- Observed a way-cranky Andy Roddick, whose post-US Open loss funk could not be lifted even by Chuck Bass-esque menswear at Lacoste.

-- Decided we saw Evangeline Lilly in ugly pants at Rosa Cha. Now we're not sure it was her. But it might have been. Oh, eyesight. Why have you forshaken us? Also at the same event, we managed not to run over to Zoe Saldana and scream, "I'm the best goddamn dancer in the American Ballet Academy. Who the hell are you?"

-- Had our first glimpse of A Dubs, who was wearing a sweater and a coat in 135-degree heat and 100% humidity and yet never broke a sweat, because she has ice water in her veins.

-- Underwent tragic umbrella-stealage and less-tragic Becki Newton-stalkage at Vena Cava.

-- And finally, we ogled the boys from Gossip Girl and floated a theory as to why Mary-Kate Olsen suddenly looks....well, really cute and totally clean.


September 6, 2008

New York Fugshion Week: Day 1

It had been years since we gave Leonor Varela a second thought -- probably, in fact, almost a decade, since she was Cleopatra in that terrible TV movie starring Billy Zane (!!) as Mark Antony. And yet, in just our first hour at Fashion Week, we nearly saw too much of her:

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[Photo: Splash News]

I have no idea how, but despite this dress's best efforts, nary a nip slipped. She'd get major points for this, had she not made it all the way out of her hotel and to the show without realizing her assets might be compromised. Also, she totally should have turned her head to the right, because as we realized later, gymnast Alicia Sacramone sat two seats down -- and toting her newly minted Olympic silver medal. We are kicking ourselves that we didn't find a way to fall into Alicia's lap so that we could then accidentally touch it. Sigh. Jail would've been worth it.

-- At BCBG, we also saw Vivica A. Fox, who wins the Understatement of the Week award ALREADY for her comment about Valentino being "very tan."

-- Nigel Barker ahoy! We saw the dreamy Top Model judge for the first time at Yigal Azrouel's show. He does not change. He remains at the exact exquisite level of hotness with which he first breezed into our lives. Bless you, Nigel. In these turbulent times, we need you.

-- A passel of actresses we weren't aware even KNEW each other acted very friendly at Nicole Miller.

All right, I suppose if you have seen The Texas Chainsaw Massacre or Hostel: Part II, then actress Lauren German technically is not random to you (assuming you could see anything through the blood). And presumably, since she got invited to LA Fashion Week, she's a familiar face to the good people at Mercedes Benz as well.

She also seems to be on a first-name basis with the entire staff at Nordstrom's juniors department.

I hear they have developed a sport out of throwing any old thing over her dressing-room door and awarding a bonus to the salesperson who convinces her to buy the dumbest ensemble. This one, prominently featuring pants that I'm pretty sure my friend Becky wore to sleep over at my house when we were in fifth grade, has to have been worth at least a $50 prize to one such cruel genius. I guess Lauren is milking the ten months she has left in her twenties, but seriously, even my nine-year old friend did better with those things -- and this was at a time when we were madly, blindingly in love with the lead singer of a-ha, wore a minimum of two Swatches at once, and wrote things like, "Stay sweet! Have a great summer and I'll see you next year! BFF 4EVA!" in each other's yearbooks. I am not sure what Lauren's excuse is.

All of Fashion Week was fun, but few things will match the experience of seeing this man in the flesh at a  show:

I wonder how Wilmer Valderrama felt, sitting quietly as he did in his seat before Federline arrived, having read the name on the chair next to his and therefore knowing what was coming. Hopefully this conversation does not involve Kevin giving Wilmer tips on how to apply that wimpy little mohawk to his own head. And yes, for the record, K-Fed totally changed his suit in the 15 minutes between the end of Sean Jean and the time he showed up at Marc Jacobs. I can't wait until this clothes-conscious step in his evolution ultimately takes him straight down Elton John Blvd. to wearing outrageous jumpsuits and other crazy crap. Hey, it beats saucy trucker hats.

  • At Donna Karan, Susan Sarandon showed those plastic-faced actresses how it should be done.
  • We were standing two feet from K-Fedat Sean John and we didn't once want to smack him! Well, maybe because of that awful hair. But otherwise, we must really be okay with him now.
  • And finally, our wrap-up post, including bits and pieces we couldn't fit anywhere else and our disappointment that J.Lo didn't show up at ex Sean Combs' fashion show. Tell me that wouldn't have been dramatic.

You know, it looks like we might get out of this city without an arctic blast, after all. We were afraid to hope.

This woman is afraid of nothing.

I would be afraid, for instance, of: Diet Coke, marinara, city grime, potato chips, fruit, energy bars... pretty much anything. It takes a lot of guts to wear that much glaring white. Of course, it also takes guts to wear high-waisted jodhpur-like pants. With a belly shirt. I'm pretty sure they stuck poor Tiffani Thiessen in stuff like this both on Saved By The Bell AND on Beverly Hills, 90210, and so all Ali's really done here is a) look really dated, and b) remind us of an actress we like a whole lot more. Also, I can't figure out why Ali Larter wears so much white -- she does it with dresses, too, and it's not that flattering to her skin tone. I suspect this all began with Varsity Blues, when she wore that whipped-cream bikini and decided to make that her style inspiration for the rest of her life.

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