Go Fug Yourself: Because Fugly Is The New Pretty

Oscar Post-Party Fug Carpet: Hilary Swank

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"Hello, movie producers of America!

"You might remember me as Girl Who Played A Boy in Boys Don't Cry, or Girl Who Played A Boxer in Million-Dollar Baby. You probably don't remember me as Girl Who Was in P.S. I Love You, because nobody saw that, or Girl Who Was In That Other Thing, because nobody saw that either, and I really HOPE you don't remember me as Girl Who Was In The Disaster Movie About Drilling That Wasn't Armageddon, although Stanley Tucci was in that with me, and doesn't that sound right? That man is in EVERYTHING. Anyway, what I really want you to remember as is Girl From That Movie Where She Spent The Whole Time Looking Super Hot. Unfortunately, nobody has given me that part in a movie yet, which is why I've decided to show up to the Oscars tonight as Girl Who Borrowed Pam Anderson's Bathing Suit And Made A Sarong Out Of Satin. Do you see these boobs? You didn't know I had 'em, did you? They're great. And did you see the back?

Continue reading Oscar Post-Party Fug Carpet: Hilary Swank.

Oscars Well-Played Carpet/Post-Party Fug Carpet: Anna Kendrick

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As with most things, my opinion of this dress has changed a bit with the benefit of an extra day. We were lukewarm on it on Sunday, gave her a reluctant edge over Carey Mulligan in our NY Mag slideshow, and now today suddenly I am on board the Anna Train -- and no, it's not because I bet that train has Intern George's address, although that is a bonus.

This is romantic and pretty and flattering, and although I often struggle with flesh tones on fair-skinned girls, it's much easier when you are a brunette and can offset all delicacy south of your neck with the darkness of your hair and eyes -- like, it means Anna didn't need to do what most people do with this color, and that is, slather on red lipstick in a desperate ploy to avoid a washout.

I think I remember reading that Anna's gloriously purple SAG dress, which we liked, is something she actually had dyed to that shade. There is a part of me that wishes I could've seen this in a couple similarly rich hues -- like, in any medium shade of green, like this one, or even something with just a touch more lime in it, it would've been totally unforgettable. As it is, I find it lovely and functional and will probably forget about it entirely in about two weeks. But since I don't think it's fug, I will give her a pat on the back for surviving her first awards-season gauntlet with class, dignity, grace, and nominations on her resume that you just KNOW are going to cause potentially false but nonetheless juicy rumors of a rift on the Tyler Perry Presents: The Twilight Series: Breaking Dawn set.

Like so many ladies who don't want their gowns trampled, Anna changed for the after-party:

Continue reading Oscars Well-Played Carpet/Post-Party Fug Carpet: Anna Kendrick.

Oscars Well Played Carpet: Meryl Streep

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wearing white

This is the second major awards show that Meryl Streep has attended dressed by Project Runway alum Chris March.

I think she looks swell. This may not set the world on fire, but it is very well-suited to her: it's not all crazballs fancypants poufy princess, but it's still a bit sexy. (Meryl's cleav does deserve a night out, after all.) It's not too young, it's not too old. It is, as Goldilocks would say, just right.
I am beyond thrilled that the delightful Chris March -- he of the human hair outfits, glorious drag queen concoctions, and general awesomeness -- has been, of late, the official Awards Show Designer of MERYL STREEP.
I mean, it's MERYL STREEP.
AND she was nominated.
For an OSCAR.
Applause!

Oscars Well Played Carpet: Rachel McAdams

I love this on Rachel:

Not a sentiment I ever thought I'd attach to something that is ostensibly inspired by the watercolor. But it's a good reminder that while watercolors are something we often associate with crappy paintings in three-star beach motels, they're also the work of, you know, great artists and whatnot. RMcA looks flirty and romantic, but not dowdy, or as though she's wearing a shower curtain, which was definitely the risk with this one. It's so nice to see her back in fine fettle once more.

Oscar Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Penelope Cruz

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dialogue,
red

Last night, Jess and I were in raptures over this color. Whatever it is.

HEATHER: I don't even know how to define it. "Dark red" seems boring.

JESSICA: Burgundy?

HEATHER: Or is burgundy more purple? I can't remember.

JESSICA: Just say "wine-colored."

HEATHER: True. Although I guess burgundy IS a kind of wine. Maybe I'll say Cabernet.

JESSICA: Merlot.

HEATHER: Malbec.

JESSICA: Chianti.

HEATHER: Rioja!

JESSICA: Bordeaux!

HEATHER: Beaujolais!

JESSICA: Grenache!

HEATHER: Shiraz!

JESSICA: Sangiovese!

HEATHER: I'm starting to feel like that scene in Best In Show where Christopher Guest's character starts naming every kind of nut.

Once we decided that this is essentially a very deep red that makes us thirsty for something brain-blurring, we took a look at the dress itself. In the end, I quite like it, although my one complaint is that I don't recall ever before thinking Penelope didn't have a waist. It's so boxy on her. Maybe, in honor of that, I should refer to this as Penelope's Franzia dress.

poll by twiigs.com

Oscars Fug Carpet: Robert Downey, Jr.

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RDJ: Susan, honey, you look spectacular.

SUSAN DOWNEY: Thank you!

RDJ: That dress basically boils down to a lot of glittery horizontal stripes, but you look fabulous in it, and your face is gorgeous, and if I were a lady blogger sitting at home I would think to myself how much I love your hair and wonder how to replicate it.

SUSAN: Well, I am married to a super charming and talented man, so I have to bring my A-game.

RDJ: You are too good to me.

SUSAN: However...

RDJ: Yeeeees?

SUSAN: The super charming and talented man to whom I am married is not supposed to be Tim Burton.

RDJ: Let me guess; You don't like the tinted shades.

SUSAN: They worked for your Douchey Actor bit at the ceremony with Tina Fey, but the fact that they match your bow tie is a little... And couldn't you get your tux pants hemmed? And maybe wear them with actual dress shoes? Your bottom half seems to believe it's at the Grammys.

RDJ: You know what will make this better?

SUSAN: What?

RDJ: When we're at home and I take all this off and we roll around having sex in the piles of money I'm making now because I'm kind of a genius.

SUSAN: Oh my God, you're right, that WILL help.

RDJ: See? Genius.

Oscars Fug Carpet, and then Oscars Better-Played Party: Diane Kruger

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OH DIANE. At least you've never boring. And I mean that sincerely. While I am often perplexed and dismayed by Diane Kruger's wardrobe -- as well as often delighted and amazed -- I adore her for always keeping things interesting. I think she just wears what she wants, and that is as it should be: I mean, honestly, who REALLY cares if some yahoos on the internet/in the back of Us Weekly/Joan Rivers think[s] your outfit is dumb? And I say that as one of many yahoos. After all, it's not like you're going to be forced to wear that one dumb outfit for all eternity, suffering the slings and arrows of said yahoos until yahoos cease to walk this earth.

That being said, I think this outfit is dumb. Now, while my reaction to the back of it last night was, "HOLY GOD, THE BACK OF HER DRESS GOT SUCKED INTO A BANANA CLIP," I actually sort of don't mind the back this morning. It's a LOT of stuff happening, and yes, it bears a resemblance to the back of my own head, circa 1987, on a day in which I wore one of those banana clips that also had ribbons and beads hot-glued to it, but it COULD work. I mean, THEORETICALLY.

But in reality:

Continue reading Oscars Fug Carpet, and then Oscars Better-Played Party: Diane Kruger.

Oscars Well Played Carpet: Vera Farmiga

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pink,
ruffles

I love it when I talk myself into or out an opinion. I was going to Fug or Fab this, and then the more I looked at it, the more I decided it was pretty and interesting and dramatic in all the right ways. Well, not that there's a WRONG way to be pretty. Although, hang on, if she were wearing a very pretty dress that was nonetheless clearly designed for an eight-year old to wear at her First Communion, that would be wrong. But that doesn't apply here, unless we're talking about one MAJORLY bitchin' loss of eucharistic virginity.

If there's one constant in life, it's that Marchesa will turn out a dress full of dramatic architectural froofery, and this one delivers. The color is sensational -- the E! broadcast made it look like a hard red, but once we switched to ABC, we saw it's that lovely deep dark pink that goes wonderfully with Farmiga's fair skin, and her lipstick complements it without being distractingly The Same. Plus, we're delighted she went so splashy with the color, at long last, and she gave a very nice speech about why Intern George is the ruler of the universe, even if after a while I just wanted her to be quiet so that Jeff Bridges could collect his inevitable award and Georgie could go to the bathroom and take a few pulls from his hip flask. None of which detracts from this ace get-up, though, so well played indeed, Vera. You seem like a kick in the pants. Go get a drink with Gabby Sidibe; I bet you'd get on like a house on fire.

Oscars Well-Played Carpet: Cameron Diaz

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metallics

Well, well, well. Wonders will never cease.

Usually, we're crabbing about Cameron Diaz showing up at formal events looking like she hasn't washed her hair in six weeks and/or is in the midst of embracing a new-age philosophy called WRINKLEQUE, in which nothing she wears can be touched by the cruel, hot fingers of an iron or steamer. But last night? Hot damn! Turns out all Cammy needed was a splash of Oscar de la Renta and a hairstylist who has her best interests at heart. Honestly, that's probably true for all of us. But it's still nice to get a little visual aid to remind everyone.

Oscars Fug or Fab Carpet: Carey Mulligan

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Ugh, I just wrote a long, impassioned piece about Carey Mulligan here, and then my browser hiccuped and I lost the whole thing. Let's see if I can recreate what I assure you was MAGIC:

My talking points were: When we saw this from the waist up, while Carey was milling around the red carpet, I loved loved loved it. Do I sort of wish she'd worn a color? Yes -- but I think the bodice and the beading are divine, and her much-questioned new hair is correspondingly much improved. (It has been noted that the beading on her dress is, partially, wee little scissors and knives and forks and spoons, which I admit I find very charming indeed. I love tiny things.)

And then we saw the shoes. You guys, those shoes make me want to cry. On their own, I suspect they're very cute. But very cute with something less formal, and something a bit shorter. (Like, I'm picturing them right now worn with a red pencil skirt I own, that hits right at the top of the knee and they're adorable.) But worn with this particular hem, they just look clonky and orthopedic. I don't actually hate the asymmetry of the hem. It's just that the line of the hem and those indelicate shoes combine so potently that all I can do is STARE AT THEM TOGETHER. It's distracting, it's bottom-heavy, and it's kind of a shame, because I suspect that, as separate pieces, they're both kind of great. It's just TOGETHER they create chaos. Kind of like when you have two friends who are both awesome, but they start dating and everyone finds out that they're a really incredibly annoying couple, each of whom brings out the worst in the other. And you really don't want your Oscar Outfit to be That Couple Everyone Wishes Would Just BREAK UP ALREADY. Do you?

poll by twiigs.com

Oscar Post-Party Fug Carpet: Hilary Swank

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Oscars Well-Played Carpet/Post-Party Fug Carpet: Anna Kendrick

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Oscars Well Played Carpet: Meryl Streep

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Oscars Well Played Carpet: Rachel McAdams

Oscar Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Penelope Cruz

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Oscars Fug Carpet: Robert Downey, Jr.

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Oscars Fug Carpet, and then Oscars Better-Played Party: Diane Kruger

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Oscars Well Played Carpet: Vera Farmiga

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Oscars Well-Played Carpet: Cameron Diaz

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Oscars Fug or Fab Carpet: Carey Mulligan

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