I don't know about you.

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But I am DAMN RELIEVED that Rob Morrow managed to get back from his archeological expedition -- AKA, his adventure fighting the Nazis in a race against time to recover a sacred and possibly cursed artifact -- in time to attend this event. Little known fact: it's very rare to return from playing Indiana Jones (Rob's version is actually named Michigan Smith. Details.) in time to change before you go out. You just have to hope your scarf is sufficiently jaunty and get your ass on that red carpet! Ah, the life of an adventurer.

This one is tricky, right?

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It's a gorgeous dress...if you're a kicky and/or child bride. Otherwise, I think it's kind of hard to pull off, no matter how ostensibly beautiful the dress (or you) are. Me, I'd....well, I'd start by giving the girl some different shoes. These are surely lovely, but they -- and the bag -- make her look like she's just trying this dress on and showing us all for our thoughts before changing into the outfit she REALLY wore outside. How woulod you fix this? Or are you into it, just as it is?

It's that time of week, Fug Nation.  You to write the post about this photo, following our very specific guidelines. The best three (or so) entries posted in the comments  -- please don't e-mail them to us -- between NOW and 10 p.m. PST Sunday night will be posted on GFY Monday morning, with attribution, and then y'all get to vote for your favorite, to pick a winner. (Right now the only prize is THE THRILL OF VICTORY.) Enter as often as you want! Can we top last week's amazing haiku? I believe!

THE PICTURE:

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[Photo: Splash News]

THE FUGEE: Former and probably future WAG Elen Rives, who's recently split from her uber-famous footballer boyfriend Frank Lampard in what sounds like a MESSY break-up. Unlike other famous Wives and Girlfriends (...POSH), Elen does not not appear to have a job as a pop star/designer to fall back on. Right now, she doesn't even have a WIKIPEDIA PAGE, so it's basically like she doesn't exist. Hence, her agreeing to appear wearing THIS COAT at a celebration of Hello Kitty's 35th birthday.

THE GUIDELINES: Your entry must take the form of a limerick. Grammar and spelling count. You may be risque, as in the tradition of all good limericks, but try not to get crazy, full-on inappropriate. And although I think most of you are able to recognize a limerick once you've written one (much like porn), to make sure we're all clear: a limerick has five lines, with a rhyme sequence of A A B B A. This is a famous one:

"The limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical;
The good ones I've seen
Are seldom so clean,
Whilst the clean ones are seldom so comical."

Should you need further limerick-y explanation, this website is a tremendously good source for it.

EXTRANEOUS DETAILS: Ms. Rives hails not from England, like her soccer-playing ex, but from Spain. In which case, your limerick may easily begin, "There once was a model from Spain...." This may be helpful, because as My Fair Lady taught us, MANY things rhyme with "Spain."

IMPORTANT WARNING: Please keep your entry in the spirit of the site itself. We're pretty sure y'all know what that means. Now.....GO.

This outfit, when it appeared on Rihanna, became our first-ever Unfug It Up feature -- she styled it differently, of course, which was part of the issue. But it's interesting to me to see it on somebody who is not as naturally edgy or daring as Rihanna:

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This woman is an Aussie model, although in this photo it looks like she's conducting the U.S.S. Enterprise's shipboard orchestra in a fairly pedestrian rendition of "Waltzing Matilda." And the outfit... doesn't work. It's totally wearing her, instead of the other way around. Of course, it doesn't help that Lara emits a vibe of having been up all night after several failed attempts to pass out in the drawers behind her. But I think it goes to show that sometimes it's the styling that fails you, and sometimes it's just the style. As in, I don't think this is quite hers. Point to Rihanna. Now let's see if Ms. Bingle has the guts to try this one in Round Two.

So it's come to this.

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[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Lindsay Lohan is wearing TWO things that button in front of her torso, and yet somehow neither one of them manages to be fastened. Indeed, she's actually CLUTCHING it closed. Either the girl has dieted away the memory of how to use buttons, or she's about to throw open her coat and ask me if I want to buy a watch from the glittering array of Faux-lex timepieces she has swinging from the lining.

October 29, 2009
I love this story about the teen girl gang who ran a burglary ring for like a year. It's going to be an AWESOME movie. BUT:

"As juicy as the inevitable movie based on the Hollywood Burglar Bunch is bound to be, it seems that unless they add a dying sibling whose brain fog can only be cured by eating the second hand of a purloined Cartier watch, a dramatized silver-screen send-up wouldn't hold a candle to the way it has unfolded in actual fact. Especially when said facts include the collusion of a guy who calls himself "Johnny Dangerous"

Johnny Dangerous! I want someone to start calling ME that. Read the rest of our take on these terribly juicy shenanigans at NY Mag.com.
I love Sandra Bullock, and every time I see an ad for her new movie The Blind Side, in which she and her family take in an homeless orphaned football player who's never had his own bed, and he -- I presume -- teaches them a valuable lesson about family in the course of earning a college scholarship, I totally tear up. I CAN'T HELP IT. Homeless kid + football + valuable lesson about love + nontraditional family coming together = me crying. Of course, I also used to cry BUCKETS at this one Whirlpool commercial that featured like 20 seconds of an old couple smiling at each other as they loaded the dishwasher, so I'm an easy mark. I cry at everything. I cried at the DEDICATION in the final Harry Potter book. But still. I want nice things for Sandy, is what I'm saying. Which is why I am concerned that she's wearing a harem pants jumpsuit on Craig Ferguson:

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[Photos: FlynetOnline.com]

Why would you DO THAT, Sandy?

Ever since the story of Emmy Rossum's secret marriage, public divorce, and odd-coupling with Adam Duritz hit the press, we've heard various gossipy tidbits here and there from people who say she is a total pill who is OBSESSED with both bragging and complaining about how interesting she's pretty sure everyone thinks she is.

Well, Emmy, I hate to break it to you, honey, but:

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[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

You are not, and never will be, THIS interesting.

As I mentioned during Fashion Week, I have, like, a sympatico relationship with Lynn  "Top Hat" Collins here. She and I got caught up in a scrum together as reporters swarmed to attack Crazy Mickey Rourke (I was working, she was just trying to mind her own beeswax) and she totally shot me a, "this shit is CRAZY" look. We had a moment, is what I am saying. A moment in which we both were scared that the very appearance of Mickey Rourke would somehow accidentally lead to our being crushed to death together. So I am down with Lynn.

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And because we're now best friends, I feel free to ask her, is that a jumpsuit, or just a remarkably well-matched pants and shirt? And then, regardless of her answer, I feel free to make a supportive, but noncommittal, mmmm-hmmm and try and talk her into wearing something else.
 

On one hand, Paris Hilton's outfit is literally being held together with safety pins.

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On the other hand, at least SOMETHING working hard to keep her fully clothed.

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