Go Fug Yourself: Because Fugly Is The New Pretty

Infugreious Bastfegs

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Man Fugs

Can we all just take a second to absorb what Brad Pitt has done to his facial hair?

[Photo: Splash News]

Yes. I believe those are wee goatee ponytails. Or maybe he's considering making an attempt at face-dreads? Am I allowed to pretend that this is either leftover from Halloween, or that he lost some crazy bet with Pax? Yes. Yes, let's all make a pact to agree that this is the off-spring of a bet. Oh my god, I feel better now.

Fugmilla Belle

You know, I'm sorry for all the times we make jokes about how people look like they're figure-skaters.

But people could help us out a little, you know. They COULD stop dressing like they're about to bust out a triple axle and then land on the head of a man dressed as a giant baby that's balancing on the toes of three acrobats, as part of Mystere On Ice. This would save us all a lot of aggro. Particularly the giant baby-man who's about to get a skate blade to the noggin. (Although, have you SEEN Mystere? He totally has it coming.)

Parenthetically: I love a hidden platform in a shoe. It makes the super-high heels secretly very manageable. But I think perhaps footwear is veering away from "hidden" platforms and more toward "I nailed a doorstop to the bottom of my feet." It's kind of freaky. Either hold me, or buy me a Diet Coke. Thanks.

Melbourne Cup Omnifug

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secretly awesome

You know what I love? If you've been reading long enough, you probably do: Diet Coke, sandwiches, Josh Jackson, shoes, and when people wear wacky hats to horse races. Yesterday (or...two days ago? I get confused with the whole international date line thing, and how our friends in Australia are living in THE FUTURE) was the Melbourne Cup, and it was not disappointing. Let's examine the ladies and their wacky/fabulous hats, shall we?

Former Miss Universe Jennifer Hawkins looks fine, if maybe in need of a slightly larger skirt. Like, half a size. Maybe a quarter of a size. Just so I can't see her hip flexor muscles. But what's that on her head?

Continue reading Melbourne Cup Omnifug.

Fug Moon

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[Photo: Splash News]

TAYLOR LAUTNER: I'm so excited to be here to promote New Moon.

KRISTEN STEWART: New Moon? I thought we were here for a screening of Newsies.

TAYLOR: No.

KRISTEN: Are you sure? Why else would I be dressed as an urchin?

TAYLOR: Maybe you just want to pick a pocket or two.

KRISTEN: I kind of AM in the mood to rob a bitch. And then break into a totally spontaneous choreographed dance routine that ends with me picking my teeth with a tire iron, or something.

TAYLOR: I really wish they'd send me to these things with Dakota Fanning.

I Fug You, Beth Cooper

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AT LAST I have something to say to Hayden Pantywaist should I ever find myself standing next to her in line for the ladies room:

"How are things going with you and Danny Zuko? I just love that kid! Please give him my best."

Fug or Fab/Unfug It Up: Leighton Meester

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You might think I would object to this dress on the basis of the giant flower alone.

[Photos: WENN.com]

Not true. There is potential in that flower. It has gumption. It would walk into a CEO's office, straight past the protesting assistant, and demand to be considered for a promotion. No, more than that, it would impersonate its boss while said boss is recovering from a broken leg sustained during a skiing accident, borrow liberally from the boss's wardrobe, arrange a major deal with Harrison Ford that involves crashing a dude's daughter's wedding just to convince him to take a meeting with you, get a horrendous haircut that's supposed to be more chic and professional than her teased-up ferry-proof hair, dump stupid cheating Alec Baldwin, and then win the day and an office of her own when the boss returns and tries to claim the brilliant deal idea as her own -- all while delivering its lines with the diction of a 13-year old girl who accidentally drank a glass of scotch. That flower has moxie.

But those shoes have a giant blackhead. And the blue print blossoms on the skirt are kind of distracting, like the dress fell down hard and bruised itself. Not to mention that Leighton's lank mane is kind of competing with the bloom that's growing from her torso. There is a lot going on here, and what I'm saying is, I don't think all blame can be pinned on the very dramatic chest flower.

In the interests of full disclosure, or at least as full as I can make it, here is a photo that shows the back:

Continue reading Fug or Fab/Unfug It Up: Leighton Meester.

Califugnication

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Initially, I was going to make this an Unfug It Up.

[Photo: WENN.com]

Then I realized it would be the shortest discussion ever (presumably) because I can point very clearly to the thing that is derailing Madeline Zima here. Yeah, okay, the dress boasts a giant red arrow to her pelvis, as if someone is at risk of not understanding that the Love Canal entrance is thither. But it might be cute; I don't know. It's difficult for me to focus on anything with those leaden grey tights mucking up the works. If she scrapped the stockings and the twee Mary Janes, then I could resume analysis of the rest of her outfit, marvel at how much Ms. Zima reminds me of Alicia Silverstone, and end with a well-timed Clueless joke and a query about vegan cupcakes. Alas, let us weep for what could have been, dear readers.

Fug or Fab: Paula Abdul

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When I saw this photo in thumbnail size, I thought Paula Abdul here was Jasmine Guy -- her hair is similar to Jasmine's on Vampire Diaries, and I had just been talking about how Ms Whitley Gilbert is MUCH too young to be playing a grandmother on said show, so I had her on the brain. (It has been pointed out to me that Whitley's VD character IS a witch, so maybe she's staying young-looking thanks to MAGIC, and I feel like I might be able to accept that. And trust me, I am happy to see her working, but still. Jasmine Guy is no grandma. Anyhoodle.) Which is why I thought, "is Jasmine Guy actually kind of working high-waisted leather pants? She IS a witch!!"

Look, it's possible that I have totally lost the plot. This is the third day in a row that I've had a fever. Last night, I had a feverish delirium that Ryan Seacrest and I were being forced to perform "Tardy for the Party" for President Obama and I couldn't find my wig. (Ryan was cool about it.) So let's take a looksee in the close-up:

Continue reading Fug or Fab: Paula Abdul.

Freaky Fug Friday: Tuesday BIG WINNER Edition

Congratulations to OKCKate, this week's winner of Freaky Fug Friday and the author of your favorite limerick about Elen Rives. Her victorious lines were a relatively last-minute entry, and we're thrilled that her epiphany was so popular. Here it is, your winner, with 42 percent of the vote:

[Photo: Splash News]

There once was a woman from Spain
Whose efforts to match went in vain.
So she tried to distract
With a coat made of cat.
Chica! Kitty and mink ain't the same!

-- OKC Kate

Congratulations again! We'll have a new challenge on Friday. Remember, if you want your entry to be credited a certain way (your full name, or, say, Barbara from Sioux Falls, or whatever), include that in the comment, or else we'll just go ahead and use your commenting handle. See you Friday! ... Well, except that I'll still be here the rest of the week doing other things, but you get what I mean. Right? Right.

Fugvate Pracfugce

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I do love a nice slim suit, so apart from the velvet jacket seeming a bit heavy, I think Kate Walsh looks pretty chic here.

[Photo: WENN.com]

Of course, when I say "here," I mean, "in this photo, from this angle." Because like so many things -- Top Chef challenges, any episode of Murder, She Wrote, Marilyn Manson -- this outfit is not what it might first seem.

Continue reading Fugvate Pracfugce.

Infugreious Bastfegs

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Fugmilla Belle

Melbourne Cup Omnifug

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Fug Moon

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I Fug You, Beth Cooper

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Fug or Fab/Unfug It Up: Leighton Meester

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Califugnication

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Fug or Fab: Paula Abdul

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Freaky Fug Friday: Tuesday BIG WINNER Edition

Fugvate Pracfugce

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