Go Fug Yourself: Because Fugly Is The New Pretty

M.Fug.A.

Either M.I.A. is launching a Sea World-inspired line of clothing, or had a VERY different experience with the movie Jaws than I did.

[Photo: WENN.com]

Her man-eating midriff appears to celebrate the beast. But you know, maybe we ALL need to take a step back and consider whether we misunderstood that poor shark. Imagine craving a cheeseburger and finding only tofurkey in your fridge. So maybeJaws wasn't a soulless killer; it was just hungry for some steak tartare, trapped with his country-club appetite in a Red Lobster world. Like Miss Hannigan, perhaps he is the real hero.

Of course, none of that explains why M.I.A. has a different understanding of trousers than the rest of us. Boots are not pants, child. Believe.

I've Run Out of Variations on Phoebe Price.

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Here's the thing about Phoebe Price:

This photo was taken on Halloween. It SO EASILY could have been snapped on, say, Thanksgiving, or Veteran's Day or National Sandwich Day (which is today, by the way! GO TELL A SANDWICH YOU LOVE IT). I mean, seriously, Phoebe? "Rear Admiral"? Give me a break. That's JV squad material, and you know it. I expected to see you walking up and down Robertson Blvd wearing one pasty with Jon Gosselin's face on it, and one with Kate's face stuck to the other boob, while reading a copy of Star and yodeling. This is like barely even trying, for you. In fact, I'm concerned. Are you depressed? Do you feel unwell? Do you have a brain fog that's preventing you from giving Halloween your all? What is going on here? Maybe you should consult an expert -- I'm sure Bobby Trendy could help.

Poker Fug (CAN'T READ MY CAN'T READ MY)

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WTF

I have this new theory about Lady Gaga that I am telling everyone, so you might as well be next. Namely, she is actually really talented -- every time I hear "Paparazzi" I think, "Oh, that's right, she CAN sing" -- and therefore probably doesn't need to be wearing this sort of thing:

I mean, for all our LOOK INTO PANTS screeching about Gaga, I get it: Her wardrobe is performance art, or at the very least, it's a ploy for attention that can easily be explained away as performance art. But I think these wacktacular get-ups are starting to distract from her actual skillz. Also, at a certain point she's going to reach the end of her wacktacular rope and cycle around to wearing, like, jeans and a tank top. THAT would shocking at this point. So, now that I think about it, maybe her two-year reign of pantlessness was all just an elaborate ploy designed so that, eventually, girlfriend can leave the house in her Slanket and we'll all just be like, "Well, at least she's comfortable." Right?

Oh, this outfit? I mean, I don't know. What can you say about this? She's a very confused widow, mere days from incarceration in the asylum, who's just had a terrible baking incident? What do you say when you meet Lady Gaga at a party and she's wearing Joan Holloway's underpants, covered in flour and making claw hands? "Wow, I just love your batshit crazy face veil. Is that attached to your wig?" "Carpal tunnel is a bitch, right? Gosh, I'm crazy about...that button down." Or just, "Can I get you something from the bar?"

Agyness Fugyn

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I was just wondering the other day what happened to model Agyness Deyn here. (By the way, did you know her real name is actually the very y-deprived Laura Hollins? According to Wikipedia, "Deyn's name was apparently coined to further her modeling career after she consulted her mother's friend, a numerology expert, who advised her of the most 'fortuitous' way to spell the name 'Agnes'." I always just assumed her given name WAS Agnes and she was spelling it wackily, and that ergo I would probably be more successful if I started spelling my name, "Jyssykah" but it turns out I should probably start going by, like, "Ethyyll.") You see, it's not that I thought she'd retired or anything, I just hadn't seen her out and about as much wearing, like, neon buckets on her head, or the like. Thank goodness something dragged her out:

Although this...happened last night, I can only presume she's just blowing through discarded Halloween costumes and this was originally intended to serve as Haute Couture Oliver Extra, or someone who is really, really into those Jack in the Box "Bowl Cut" commercials. But...what's going on with her FACE?

Continue reading Agyness Fugyn.

Lindsfug Fughan

Let's say you're promoting a beach resort. And you want a celebrity to show up and make it look like a tempting, hip, exotic locale. Would you feel cheated if you invited Lindsay Lohan and she showed up thusly?

Because, I mean, Sad Starving Starlet Wearing Grandma's Curtains isn't likely to make me shell out my hard-earned cash for a vacation -- although it IS possible it would make me start up a collection for donations to some kind of Five-Dollar Footlong Fund. Perhaps this resort should become sponsored by Subway.

The McFugd Family

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[Photo: WENN.com]

ANGEL MCCORD: I am a freaking GENIUS. Sexy Inmate 50035! Because if you look at the number from a distance, it kind of seems to say BOOBS! HA HA HA!

RACHEL MCCORD: I'm either dressed as Sexy D-List Wannabe, or Bobby Trendy. You decide!

ANNALYNNE MCCORD: The more I keep trying to shove my sisters down people's throats, the more people will start to appreciate me when I show up places alone.

ANGEL: BOOBS!

RACHEL: LOOK AT MEEEE!

ANNALYNNE: That's right, America. I am teaching you to love me, one half-naked sibling hanger-on at a time. BRILLIANT.

Freaky Fug Friday: Monday Voting Edition

Another week, another awesome passel of entries -- we got almost 700, and I've never been so happy to do work on a weekend as I was in sitting down to read through them. As usual, narrowing these down was brutal. But here are the four finalists for this week, in random order:

[Photo: Splash News]

LIMERICK #1, by OKCKATE:

There once was a woman from Spain
Whose efforts to match went in vain.
So she tried to distract
With a coat made of cat.
Chica! Kitty and mink ain't the same!

LIMERICK #2, by JEMI

A certain unknown WAG Latina
Wore "fur" in the fashion arena.
Paired grey woolly stockings
With golf shoes - how shocking!
Sanrio should serve a subpoena.

LIMERICK #3, by RACHEL

Let's all cut dear Elen a break
For her honest (if fugly) mistake:
It was near Halloween,
and she thought "Peachy keen!
What a lovely mall kiosk I'll make!"

LIMERICK #4, by KATIE C:

Kitty and Kermit were first
In this character-hunting outburst.
If PETA won't protest,
Then someone must be next.
Is Sesame Street on alert?

poll by twiigs.com

Happy Fugloween

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You know, maybe I'm not giving the army of Hollywood Sexy Halloween Whatevers enough credit. Maybe it takes rather a LOT of creativity to go as a Sultry Fill-In-The-Blank that people can't entirely figure out; Sexy Pirate, for instance, is really simple. But Jessica Lowndes here wasn't content with an eye-patch and a stuffed parrot, so she hunted all around town for the proper striped socks and corset and sleep shorts, and came up with this:

[Photo: Splash News]

It's the PERFECT ensemble if you want to make bystanders wager martinis with each other over whether you're in costume as the referee at the Lingerie Bowl or you're an ACTUAL Keg Softball umpire who's just taking a dinner break.

This one was more confusing:

Continue reading Happy Fugloween.

Paris and Fug

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dialogue,
Halloween

[Photo: Splash News]

PARIS HILTON: You make a hot Tooth Fairy, dude.

DOUG REINHARDT: I know, babe. And you make a really great showgirl.

PARIS: UGH. You think I'm a showgirl? LAME.

DOUG: Huh? Well what are you, then?

PARIS: I'm the refreshing cool mint taste of Colgate Total with whitening agents, for a sparkling and surprisingly tart clean that leaves your teeth sparkling. DUH.

DOUG: You are?

PARIS: HA. No. I don't even know what those words mean. Nicky taught me that sentence.

DOUG: I knew it. Great showgirl costume, babe.

PARIS: UGH. You think I'm a showgirl? LAME.

DOUG: But I thought you...

PARIS: I'm a SLUTTY BALLERINA with a HEADDRESS FETISH. DUH.

DOUG: Sounds like the same thing to me.

PARIS: That's because you're really stupid, dude. You put the "duh" in "Doug."

DOUG: Oh, yeah, and who taught you THAT one?

PARIS: YOUR MOM.

DOUG: I love you.

PARIS: I love YOU. Let's go inside and have sex on the bar.

DOUG: DONE.

Fugchel Zoe

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Halloween

Heidi Klum's annual Halloween bash seems like a place where anything goes. I mean, the hostess herself once went as a Hindu deity, and this year she went the whole ten yards and did herself up as what I assume is The Raven.

Looks awesome, but I'm sure after wearing that all night, she could've salted every soft pretzel on sale at Yankee Stadium. Quoth her sweat glands, "Nevermore."

But, Heidi isn't the point here. Rachel Zoe is. And at a party where it appears that you get the whole range of costumes from a whole range of people -- Dancing With The Stars' Mark Ballas did it up as Jason Voorhees, hockey mask and all, and Rick Fox and Eliza Dushku went as Zombie Bonnie and Clyde; on the other end of the spectrum, various CW starlets went as Sexy Whatevers -- this is the best that La Zoe could come up with on the big night:

Continue reading Fugchel Zoe.

M.Fug.A.

I've Run Out of Variations on Phoebe Price.

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Poker Fug (CAN'T READ MY CAN'T READ MY)

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Agyness Fugyn

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Lindsfug Fughan

The McFugd Family

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Freaky Fug Friday: Monday Voting Edition

Happy Fugloween

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Paris and Fug

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Fugchel Zoe

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