Go Fug Yourself: Because Fugly Is The New Pretty

Emmy Fuggum

Ever since the story of Emmy Rossum's secret marriage, public divorce, and odd-coupling with Adam Duritz hit the press, we've heard various gossipy tidbits here and there from people who say she is a total pill who is OBSESSED with both bragging and complaining about how interesting she's pretty sure everyone thinks she is.

Well, Emmy, I hate to break it to you, honey, but:

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

You are not, and never will be, THIS interesting.

True Fug

Fug file:

beige,
polls

As I mentioned during Fashion Week, I have, like, a sympatico relationship with Lynn "Top Hat" Collins here. She and I got caught up in a scrum together as reporters swarmed to attack Crazy Mickey Rourke (I was working, she was just trying to mind her own beeswax) and she totally shot me a, "this shit is CRAZY" look. We had a moment, is what I am saying. A moment in which we both were scared that the very appearance of Mickey Rourke would somehow accidentally lead to our being crushed to death together. So I am down with Lynn.

And because we're now best friends, I feel free to ask her, is that a jumpsuit, or just a remarkably well-matched pants and shirt? And then, regardless of her answer, I feel free to make a supportive, but noncommittal, mmmm-hmmm and try and talk her into wearing something else.

poll by twiigs.com

The Fugly and the Fugly

Fug file:

blue

On one hand, Paris Hilton's outfit is literally being held together with safety pins.

On the other hand, at least SOMETHING working hard to keep her fully clothed.

Fug or Fab: Demi Moore

Fug file:

bows

ASHTON KUTCHER: Sorry I ran you over with the car, babe.

DEMI MOORE: No worries. It was an accident.

ASHTON: But your dress got all dirty.

DEMI: Eh, let's just pretend it's supposed to look like that.

ASHTON: God, you're smart.

poll by twiigs.com

Lipstick Fugngle

Fug file:

lace,
wearing white

I was so sad when Lipstick Jungle was canceled, but as my mother always says, everything works out as it ought to, and in fact, it did: Now hot, hot Robert Buckley is shirtless and troubled every week on One Tree Hill, which is a much better situation for all of us. Brooke Shields, on the other hand, has seen better days:

[Photo: Splash News]

I mean, not PHYSICALLY. She -- as an ENTITY -- looks great, as always. But I just want to run up to her and rip that black tulle off her skirt. She looks like she's been festooned like a porch for Halloween.

Well Played, Jennifer Lopez

"Hola, America! But no. Today is not for exclamation points. Today is for grieving. HOTLY. 'But Jennifer,' you say, 'isn't it rude to look muy caliente when you are celebrating the life and mourning the death of someone you did not know very well who is extremely famous?' Look, precious boring friends, being sad is no reason not to wear eyeliner. And it is a compliment -- no, an HONOR -- to Los Muertos to be fantastic in their memory. And so I will be a thriller. It is in my human nature to be a pretty young thing, bitches, and the man in the mirror agrees that this dangerous outfit can heal the world. And if you think that makes me a smooth criminal, and you want to be starting something, well, let me just say that you are BAD and you know it and you must let me say farewell, my summer love, in PEACE. VERY ATTRACTIVELY. And if you have a PROBLEM WITH THAT then you can BEAT IT, BILLIE JEAN. Because listen: Mr. Jackson was a PSYCHIC. Check it: He wrote a song about a RAT named BEN in the SAME YEAR THAT BEN RATFLECK WAS BORN. How did Michael KNOW? I will always regret that I did not hear his warning! Although, uno momento, amigos... why did he not come FIND ME and tell me to my FACE? I am Jennifer Lopez! I'm just over on The Block! I am so simple to find! HE SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME. IF I WERE NOT SO DEVASTATED AND MOVED BY HIS TALENT I WOULD BE MUY FURIOSA RIGHT NOW. IT MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM. It is a good thing this eye-makeup works as Angry Jennifer AND Grieving Jennifer. Ha! I am multi-purpose! Drink it in, America! Adios! I must be windswept and solemn now."

My Cousin Fugly

Fug file:

basic (or unbasic) black

One of the comments on this piece about Whitney Port wisely pointed out that she looked as though her dress had gotten caught in her underwear. And that is all I can think of, everytime I look at this picture of Marisa Tomei:

"Don't look so smug, Tomei. Your skirt is currently making sweet love to your Spanx and when you discover their indiscretions, you are going to be soooo embarrassed."

Brothers and Fugsters

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There is one aspect of Roxy "I Popped Up on Brothers and Sisters Again This Week, But That Can't Be Because Mom and Dad Work There" Olin's outfit that I LOVE:

Her Diet Coke.

The Celebrity Fugprentice

Fug file:

Carol Alt is in great shape but OH MY GOD LADY PUT IT AWAY.

That is not a top. That is a BRA. And in comparison to the totally innocuous jeans and coat, it is DEEPLY ALARMING to look at the place where a SHIRT should be and see FULL-ON, FREDERICK'S OF HOLLYWOOD UNDERWEAR. The only explanation I can think of for this is that, in a Seinfeld-like scenario, one of Carol's friends gave her undergarments in a passive-aggressive move to force her to wear some, and this is how she retaliated.

And you know what happens when you go out wearing a bra with no top:

YOU'RE FLOUTING SOCIETY'S CONVENTIONS, CAROL. I can't really say it any better than Jackie Chiles.

Random Fug: Kesha

Listen, I don't know why this Kesha person got invited to the UK premiere of This Is It.

But I do know that if you're attending a movie about the last performances of a man who died tragically and suddenly before his time, it's PROBABLY not the appropriate venue to dress like you're trying to nail Jon Gosselin.

Emmy Fuggum

True Fug

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The Fugly and the Fugly

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Fug or Fab: Demi Moore

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Lipstick Fugngle

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Well Played, Jennifer Lopez

My Cousin Fugly

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Brothers and Fugsters

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The Celebrity Fugprentice

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Random Fug: Kesha

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