Jessica Alba Archives

October 9, 2009

Fantastic Fug

Last time I saw this outfit, I felt so sick.

[Photo: Splash News]

Because I was hung over, and watching The Breakfast Club on TBS. Ah, pleated, baggy, belted shorts, I have not missed you one iota. Can't we agree, as a society, to leave you in reruns of teen movies and old copies of The Babysitters Club, where you belong?

March 16, 2009

Fug Angel

Fug file:

Let me see if I've got this straight. As soon as Jessica Alba's face loses its fringe....

...her body gains one. I'm not sure that's how it's supposed to work.

January 20, 2009

Fugah Silverman

Fug file:

SARAH SILVERMAN: I had a dream, Jessica.

JESSICA ALBA: ... Who is this person?

SARAH: I had a dream that I spent MLK Day at a pre-inaugural ball, wearing my very awesomest ratty torn jeans, a totally kick-ass shirt that rode up on my stomach, and my fancy-dress tuque with the best skull-and-crossbones on it. And of course, my fingerless gloves, and my going-out backpack.

JESSICA: Are they letting homeless people into these parties now?

SARAH: And YOU were there.

JESSICA: Are you hallucinating, Disheveled Stranger? Security!

SARAH: You wearing a gold lame vest of some kind. Or possibly a scarf. It was hard to tell.

JESSICA: Can someone please get this person some hot soup and a nice warm spot under a bridge?

SARAH: Yes, I had a dream, Jessica Alba. And today, it has come true. But today, as I live my dream, your once-terrible bangs are looking way cuter than I ever could have imagined.

JESSICA: Wait, never mind, forget I complained. Maybe we should let her stay a while.

January 9, 2009

Fug Men and Fug City 2

Fug file:

JANUARY JONES: Phew. I made it.

JESSICA ALBA: Me too.

JANUARY: I ran all the way from the valet. Can you tell? I feel bedraggled.

JESSICA: Your hair is a little....yeah. I can tell.

JANUARY: Well, so's yours!

JESSICA: What on earth are you talking about?

JANUARY: The bangs...and the....rest of it. You sort of look like my first grade teacher, circa 1981. She made her own flax seeds.

JESSICA: IT'S FOR A PART.

JANUARY: Does that explain your dumb-ass pants?

JESSICA: You look like you got attacked by a beaver with a sleeve fetish!

JANUARY: I AM ON A VERY CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED TELEVISION SHOW.

JESSICA: I....okay. You win.

JANUARY: I hate it when we fight.

JESSICA: Let's go find the bar.

December 3, 2008

Fugba and Knowlfugs

Fug file:

They say three is a trend, so we're two-thirds of the way there with a really weird little accessory that's popped up in the past few weeks. First let's study its most recent incarnation, on the midsection of the misguidedly banged Jessica Alba:

Ignoring for a moment the giant bow on her shoulder, the shoes that kind of look like they were fashioned out of a booth at Johnny Rockets, and the fact that the overall cut is reminiscent of a badly home-sewn oven mitt, I can't quite figure out the point of all that hoo-ha at her waist. It looks like a junk drawer in an antiques store, where they toss all the stuff they can't be bothered to fix. It doesn't help that her facial expression is about as thrilled as if she actually DID accidentally glue her great aunt's jewelry box to her midriff and now has to figure out a way to sneak the dress back to the designer without having to pay to fix it. Indeed, were I a designer, I'm not sure I'd be that stoked to have her wearing my clothes, if the only facial expression she can muster says, "The only thing I cherish MORE than a root canal without anesthetic is this f'ing dress." Fix the bitchface, is what I'm saying.

Anyway, back to the belt. Beyonce Knowles did something similar earlier in the week:

Continue reading Fugba and Knowlfugs.

Jessica Alba

Fantastic Fug

Fug Angel

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Fugah Silverman

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Fug Men and Fug City 2

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Fugba and Knowlfugs

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