Kerry Washington Archives

October 30, 2009

Unfug It Up: Kerry Washington

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This one is tricky, right?

It's a gorgeous dress...if you're a kicky and/or child bride. Otherwise, I think it's kind of hard to pull off, no matter how ostensibly beautiful the dress (or you) are. Me, I'd....well, I'd start by giving the girl some different shoes. These are surely lovely, but they -- and the bag -- make her look like she's just trying this dress on and showing us all for our thoughts before changing into the outfit she REALLY wore outside. How woulod you fix this? Or are you into it, just as it is?

May 26, 2009

Fug or Fab or Fab or Fug or Feh or Feh or...Etc.

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MICHELLE YEOH: Hi Kerry,

KERRY WASHINGTON: Hey, Michelle.

MICHELLE: What's wrong?

KERRY: I feel weird.

MICHELLE: You didn't eat the oysters, did you?

KERRY: No, I mean about my outfit.

MICHELLE: Really? Because I was just thinking that this version works better than Rihanna's did.

KERRY: I feel so FUSSY next to you.

MICHELLE: I feel boring next to YOU.

KERRY: Also, I can't believe you're 47 year old. You look great.

MICHELLE: I can't argue with that. I DO look great. But I'm unhappy with my shoes. I feel like I should have gone for something strappy and metallic and a little sassier. Because my dress is so simple.

KERRY: I'm unhappy with MY shoes. I love these, but it's a lot going on with the rest of my stuff. You know what I mean.

MICHELLE: I know. I kind of feel like we should have gotten ready together.

KERRY: Next time.

poll by twiigs.com

January 21, 2009

Fug or Fab: Kerry Washington

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I generally loooove shiny things. Like a magpie, I find them distracting and eminently collectible. Which means I should be all over this disco ball of a dress like peanut butter on jelly. And yet....

I just don't know. She's lovely, as a general rule, and I have the urge to go up to her (on, like, the astral plane or whatever because it's not like I can go back in time and position myself at this party and grab her) and see what the skirt feels like, because it's texturally interesting. At the same time, it's a little Dynasty On Ice. Which would actually be awesome. You know. On ice.

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poll by twiigs.com

July 2, 2008

Fuggy Washington

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So here's the thing: It's a little hard for me to be objective about Kerry Washington, because in the last year or two her face has been doing that off-putting tight-lipped Nelly Furtado thing where she always looks like she's smiling through root-canal pain, or as though she just realized she accidentally put on her Bog Of Eternal Stench-scented deodorant today. Ergo, I can't promise my opinion about Kerry-adjacent things, like her clothes, is going to be unbiased. But I am pretty sure I have a legitimate, non-stinkface-related cause for concern here.

Separately, these pieces might be lovely -- the skirt and shoes in particular seem kind of girly and romantic. But I don't think the two halves belong as a whole. The top is a gentle lemon sorbet, and the bottom is ice cream from a tub where you've been using the same scoop to dig into bins of five different flavors and so there's bits of them all contaminating each other's containers and melding together into a muddy Pistachio Chocolate Strawberry Vanilla Peach Melba Swirl flavor. You wouldn't put that accidental sundae in a dish and serve it as dessert, unless it was called Queasy Like Sundae Morning and came with a complimentary bucket.

October 30, 2007

I Think I Love My Fug

I do not know what Kerry Washington is up to, here:

[Photo: Splash News]

Is this an early re-purposing of her Halloween costume? And if so, what was she? A sexy witch with a fetish for goth shower curtains? The Employee of the Year at Hefty, attending a trash-bag-themed ball in her honor? An incredibly depressed employee of JoAnn's Fabrics, who's wrapped herself in the glummest remnants and is about to write a long, long diary entry about how the selvage of her soul will never end up in the rag bag of your heart, but will instead occupy the center of a quilt of truth and justice, stuffed with the cotton batting of justice and understanding? I hope it's the last one.

October 29, 2007

Fuggy Washington

This dress adds ten pounds to Kerry Washington that I'm fairly sure she wishes would go back to the theoretical realm whence they came, or at least go and plague photos of somebody else whom she doesn't like very much.

Still, that's what you get when you don something from Mr. Snuffleupagus's ready-to-wear line -- sure, he may be a sensitive friend with the kind of cruelly long eyelashes that could make any girl weep with jealousy, but the dude doesn't really understand how to design for a woman's body.

October 26, 2005

Save The Last Fug

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[Photo by Daily Celeb.]

Kerry Washington failed the fugculus portion of her SATs, it seems. Let's go over the multiple-choice question:

Two mismatched wrongs + one hideous sash make ______:

a) a right

b) my right eyeball twitch

c) a girl aware of her right to remain silent while the fashion cops arrest her, on charges of reckless behavior, being a menace to society, DUI (dressing under the influence of idiots), and mixing white and cream.

d) both b and c.

I think the answer is clear, but sadly, Kerry chose A.

Kerry Washington

Unfug It Up: Kerry Washington

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Fug or Fab or Fab or Fug or Feh or Feh or...Etc.

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Fug or Fab: Kerry Washington

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Fuggy Washington

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I Think I Love My Fug

Fuggy Washington

Save The Last Fug

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