Kristen Bell Archives

November 12, 2009

Well Played, Kristen Bell

I don't know if K. Bell has changed stylists or started eating her Wheaties, or what, but she has been looking really cute lately. To wit:

How cute is she? I think I would have worn a bracelet, but that is the nittiest of picks. Shall we take a gander at the back of this? Let's do:

Continue reading Well Played, Kristen Bell.

October 20, 2009

So, between Forgetting Sarah Marshall and her recent Q&A thing with Entertainment Weekly, I have decided I totally like Kristen Bell. I mean, the girl admitted to watching Tool Academy. Anyone who shares my obsession with that show -- which yielded a contestant who called himself Matsuflex; the quote, "You may be dead but what's in my pants is very much alive"; eliminates people by saying, "I'm sorry, you're just a tool"; inspires the contestants to get rabid about protecting the integrity of the academy (seriously); and features them coping with anger by tearing off their shirts -- rates highly in my book.

As does this dress:

I know it's kind of busy, and I know that I can't completely tell what the pattern is because I'm squinting at my laptop screen due to the fact that I'm forced to work at a Coffee Bean that appears to be located on the surface of the sun. The skirt, through my near-closed eyes, reminds me a bit of very cold bumblebees being squashed, although maybe that's just me projecting my dislike of bees. Yes, I've heard they have secret lives, but they also want to violate my flesh, which is NOT OKAY.

Anyway: Regardless of all that, I think this is cute on her. Much more befitting of a girl who seemed, in that EW questionnaire, like she might be fun to hang out with, or whose DVR list at least might resemble mine. Which means that if she walks in here to order a pumpkin ice-blended in five minutes, I can walk up to her and be all, "Dude, what is UP with Hillbilly Tool wanting to use his prize money to buy 200 trailers?!?" and she'll go, "I KNOW, and I totally miss Matsuflex and that other tool whose girlfriend that brought him to the academy got ousted in favor of his ACTUAL girlfriend of six years that she didn't know existed, and who at the reunion show had a THIRD girlfriend who was pregnant!" Sigh. Good times.

Unlike this cover:

Continue reading Fug The Cover: Kristen Bell.

October 7, 2009

Fug or Fab: Kristen Bell

Fug file:

green,
metallics

Kristen Bell just trotted out something fresh from Marchesa's Spring 2010 presentation, and it's got me a tad indecisive.

Pro: It doesn't make her look stumpy.

Con: It does make her look bandaged.

Pro: It's intricate!

Con: It looks like it's a magician's assistant who accidentally swallowed the magic scarf and just sneezed it to freedom.

Pro: I love the restrained styling everywhere else.

Con: I don't have her shoulders.

Pro: I could maybe get her shoulders if I exercised more.

Con: That's so not happening.

Pro: Oh, really? You can't find ten minutes at night to do some push-ups or something before bed?

Con: Shut up.

poll by twiigs.com

August 12, 2009

Teen Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Kristen Bell

Fug file:

Somehow, in all the Teen Choice hoo-ha that makes us feel increasingly like ancient old biddies every year, we forgot to talk about Kristen Bell.

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

Clearly, if neither of us seized a chance to tear into this outfit on the first or second day it was in the offing, we are experiencing a heightened sense of Jumpsuit Fatigue. Symptoms include staring absently at the computer screen, coming up with lame excuses for procrastination that include, "Oh, I haven't been to MenWhoLookLikeKennyRogers.com in about four years -- I wonder if men still look like Kenny Rogers now that Kenny Rogers doesn't even look like Kenny Rogers," an otherwise inexplicable willingness to watch Deal Or No Deal reruns on the Game Show Network, and migraines. If you or someone you love is experiencing Jumpsuit Fatigue, talk to your doctor about how you can learn to live with this untreatable condition. And then send Kristen Bell a letter explaining that she has sent you down a rabbit hole, and that you are furious that dude didn't take the deal two suitcases ago, because COME ON, I don't care what the girl holding #23 said, she has NO IDEA whether she's holding $250,000 and if you want to bet your student-loan payment schedule on her hunch just because she's got really white teeth then that's your cross to bear, pal.

Ahem. That is all.

July 16, 2009

Fugll and Fugson

Fug file:

KRISTEN BELL: Heh-heh. Heh.

RACHEL BILSON: What? Why are you laughing like an idiot?

KRISTEN: Oh, uh, nothing. Never mind. Hee. HEE.

RACHEL: This is going to get real annoying, real fast.

KRISTEN: It's just... HAVE YOU SEEN YOURSELF? HA!

RACHEL: What's wrong with me?

KRISTEN: Oh, I don't know. Could it be that you're wearing cuffed bermuda shorts and a matching blazer in LAMÉ?!?

RACHEL: So? If anyone could pull this off, it's me.

KRISTEN: Julia Roberts wore that outfit in Pretty Woman, except it was in orange, it was culottes, and it was 1990, and she was a hooker who didn't know better.

RACHEL: Oh, come on, admit it -- you secretly think I am working this.

KRISTEN: NEVER. In fact, I think that's the outfit Doc Brown rejected before he went back to 1985 wearing that mustard-colored caftan.

RACHEL: Well, before you throw a stone, maybe look at yourself.

KRISTEN: What's wrong with ME?

RACHEL: You got suckered into wearing one of those messy-looking dresses that seems to be sewn to a tank top. And doesn't look like it fits.

KRISTEN: HA! That's all you've got? Oh, Bilson, I win this one.

RACHEL: Maybe this battle, yeah, but not the war. UNTIL NEXT TIME, Tank Girl.

KRISTEN: Bring it, Cuffs.

June 25, 2009

Fug or Fab: Kristen Bell

Fug file:

As per usual at this point in the week, I don't know what to think, and need an assist from the Fug Nation. Behold Kristen Bell:

She's cute, of course, but I worry she got this from the Stevie Nicks Juniors Collection. The fringe! The black! The...texturally confusing shrug! The back:

Continue reading Fug or Fab: Kristen Bell.

June 22, 2009

Fugsten Bell

Fug file:

dialogue

ANNA FARIS: Hi, Kristen. Or should I call you Helga?

KRISTEN BELL: Why would you do that?

ANNA: Because you look like some kind of S&M milkmaid.

KRISTEN: I was going for "retired Jabba slave."

ANNA: You didn't quite hit it. I could MAYBE see that you're at a Xena: Warrior Princess fan club gala.

KRISTEN: Can we stop ragging on me, and talk about how your dress strap is actually a zipper?

ANNA: No.

KRISTEN: Why not?

ANNA: Because it's sort of funky.

KRISTEN: IS IT, though?

ANNA: Compared to your bodice? Yes, Helga, it is.

KRISTEN: Dammit.

ANNA: It's okay. If we make The House Bunny II: Udder Madness, about a sorority of militant Dutch cow-tippers, you can TOTALLY audition.

April 16, 2009

Scrolldown Fug: Kristen Bell

Fug file:

scrolldown fug

Everything started out so normally: A cute if maybe oddly cropped tank top, a necklace, a giant watch that conveniently seems to match the display of timepieces behind her at this party...

... but then it turned into something you'd wear for a job interview at The Gap in 1991.

March 5, 2009

Well Played, Kristen Bell

Fug file:

blue

Oh, K.Bell. We have gone through so many ups and downs, haven't we? And I was so scared when I saw you at the Miss Sixty show, figuring you might get some toxic ideas in your head and show up at parties in that acid-washed-denim strapless jumpsuit. But maybe that show was your way of reminding yourself what NOT to do, as this is most decidedly a crest and not a trough:

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

I LOVE that dress. I want that dress. I will never have that dress. Which is not a very happy ending for me, but I'm used to it -- my relationship with pretty celebrity fashion has always been one of unrequited ardor, and my bank account prefers it that way. I suppose keeping the roof over my head, rather than buying dresses with four-figure price-tags but living beneath an overpass in an old appliance box, IS a happy ending in itself.

February 18, 2009

Fuggis at Fugshion Week

Fug file:

dialogue

KRISTEN BELL: Is Paris Hilton's dress in danger of dropping off, while I sit here looking like I'm running the Church Easter egg hunt?

MICHELLE TRACHTENBERG: Is Paris Hilton actually wearing sunglasses inside like she thinks she's Anna Wintour?

JESSICA STROUP: Is Paris Hilton REALLY wearing tights that make it look like she has a giant leg tattoo?

PARIS HILTON: ME!!!!!!!

NICKY HILTON: I'm totally not with her.

Kristen Bell

Well Played, Kristen Bell

Fug The Cover: Kristen Bell

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Fug or Fab: Kristen Bell

Fug file:

Teen Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Kristen Bell

Fug file:

Fugll and Fugson

Fug file:

Fug or Fab: Kristen Bell

Fug file:

Fugsten Bell

Fug file:

Scrolldown Fug: Kristen Bell

Fug file:

Well Played, Kristen Bell

Fug file:

Fuggis at Fugshion Week

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