Kristen Bell

 

KRISTEN BELL: Is Paris Hilton's dress in danger of dropping off, while I sit here looking like I'm running the Church Easter egg hunt?

MICHELLE TRACHTENBERG: Is Paris Hilton actually wearing sunglasses inside like she thinks she's Anna Wintour?

JESSICA STROUP: Is Paris Hilton REALLY wearing tights that make it look like she has a giant leg tattoo?

PARIS HILTON: ME!!!!!!!

NICKY HILTON: I'm totally not with her.

Kristen Bell has learned the hard way that aluminum foil is better used lining your baking sheets for easier cleanup than for fashion:



Next up: Trying to make sure she doesn't turn to cling film next. And hustling her out of there before anyone slaps a pork chop on her stomach and attempts to fold her into a very elaborate swan.

Oh, K BELL. We'd made SO MUCH PROGRESS in the last year! You went from Often Stumpy to Usually Fab. And yet who amongst us has not backslid? I, in fact, just absentmindedly ate two Flaming Hot Cheeto Puffs whilst making coffee. That is disgusting and wrong. And I need to stop buying them because they're like crack: I can't quit them and even though I am disgusted by myself, I don't even want to. Horrifying. So I can't hold your sequined party pants and weirdly-fitting tank top against you:

Well, take a look at this!

Frequent fug offender Kristen Bell looks pert and pretty and plain old adorable in something that actually fits her! I am so relieved to see that she's hopped off the 11:05 to Stumpytown and finally boarded the....huh. That train metaphor completely ran out of steam on me there. One might even say it went TOTALLY OFF THE RAILS! See what I did there?  See?! Oh, dear readers, welcome...to Friday. Or as we call it at GFY HQ: Sleepy.

Anyway. What was I talking about? How much I secretly love Celebrity Apprentice because I privately find The Donald kind of hilarious? How I recently tried Alberto VO-5 hot oil treatment for the first time in years and it actually made my hair really kind of bouncy? How STOKED I am about the return of Lost? Oh, that's right: La Bell. She looks a treat, no? Check out the back:

Oh, fine. Go ahead and look proud of yourself, Kristen Bell:

You look cute. And non-stumpy. And your narration work on Gossip Girl is quite good. And Gossip Girl itself is quite, quite, quite addictively good -- how am I going to wait however long I have to wait until we all find out what Blair plans to do to destroy her enemies? How can I stand not knowing whether or not poor tragic Nate is going to take up with that surprisingly somewhat conniving  yet still in-over-her-head Jenny? Most importantly: how can I live week-to-week without knowing what color turtleneck Chuck is wearing? How, I ask you? How?  I know, I know: you'll never tell. But your dress is good, okay? Don't say I never said nothing nice about you, Bell.

XOXO

Fug Girl

Our roller-coaster of a relationship with Kristen Bell's fashion sense continues apace:

[Photo: infdaily.com]

Nice cleavage, babe! And you actually look kind of tall with that empire waist. Your makeup also perfectly complements the red in the dress, and in case I didn't mention it strongly enough before, I really meant it: Nice cleavage. Enjoy not having to wear a bra while you can, little girl. Gravity will chafe your navel soon enough.

Still, I do spy a few wrinkles -- I do still think there's a REASON "satin" is only one vowel away from being "Satan" -- but I'll let it slide because the overall effect is so good. Furthermore, the satin isn't nearly as crinkled and crunched as I've seen it before, and really, it's hard to hide from that fabric forever. Sometimes it's unavoidable, like a pimple, or Brad Garrett. You just have to accept it as part of life, learn to live happily anyway, and hope you own a really wicked travel steamer. For the satin, that is. I've never known a travel steamer to work on Brad Garrett. But then again, maybe it's just that nobody has tried.

KRISTEN: HI THERE!

HAYDEN: Hey there, Kristen... um... that's an interesting look.

KRISTEN: Let's be friends! We have so much in common. We're both tiny. We're both blonde. We're both wearing black and white. We're THE SAME.

HAYDEN: Not quite the same, maybe, though, huh? For one thing... no offense but I look kind of great.

KRISTEN: But... but I don't look stumpy!

HAYDEN: No, but the ruffle is not good, hon. It looks like a terrible bib.

KRISTEN: What? SHUT UP.

HAYDEN: I'm just trying to help. I see where you were GOING with it, but it just kind of looks like you were sniffing glue one night and decided to use it on one of your little black dresses.

KRISTEN: I don't have to put up with this. I'M GOING TO GET YOU FIRED.

HAYDEN: Good luck with that. What with them saying "Claire is the key" a lot lately and making a whole SLOGAN about how they couldn't save the world without saving me first, well, I am pretty sure they are going to laugh in your face, babe.

KRISTEN: OH, well, THEY WILL COME AROUND. Once I pitch them my promo package where they show clips of me being all sparky while "Electric Youth" by Debbie Gibson plays in the background, I will be the queen of the show and you will be FIRED and I will clean out your trailer myself with this dress.

HAYDEN: That's fitting, since I'm pretty sure the bib ruffle cost you about as much as a rag. Have fun! I'm going to go take some pictures with Milo that will make people think we might be dating, so that we can deny it some more.

KRISTEN: Oh yeah? Well I'm going to go find Evil Sexy Sark because WE are dating ALLEGEDLY and he is way hotter and more interesting, and his fake accent will make the whole world's loins explode.

HAYDEN: You have a point there.

KRISTEN: You will never beat me, little girl. GAME SET AND MATCH to ME. Bib and all.

It's so nice to see them get something right:

At last, at last, Wee Bell has realized that less is more on her weensy little frame! Not to mention the fact that this is an amazing color on her. Hmm, if she's sussed out the mysteries of her wardrobe, maybe it's not too much to hope that she'll manage to whip the current seriously lackluster season of Heroes into shape after all.

Oh, Kristen Bell, I don't even know:

I mean, no one loves the whole Ruffly 80s Barbie Top more than I do, if only because it brings back memories of the Christmases of my youth, and because it makes me wonder if -- like many tops owned by Barbies of that era -- it is reversable, turns into a mini skirt, is hiding a sequined tube top, or will later be used to strangle Dream Date Ken to death after it is revealed that he is ALSO squiring around Tracy, of the Tracy and Todd wedding dolls. (My Tracy and Todd endured a terrible tragedy, namely that the rubber band holding his lower body to his upper body snapped while they were dancing at their wedding reception -- a lavish affair in my family's TV room -- and she found herself married to a bitter paraplegic and sought comfort with that cad Dream Date Ken.)

Equally tragic is K. Bell's insistence on wearing her Barbie top with a poufy tulip skirt, thus making her look rather like an oversized black and white cookie.

With apologies to those of you attending this production of RYAN AND REESE: THE MUSICAL!, tonight the role of Reese Witherspoon will be played by Kristen Bell:

The management thinks you'll agree that Ms Bell is currently a remarkable facsimile of Ms Witherspoon, circa The HA! IN YOUR FACE, RYAN! Years, which we think will prove especially effective in our big Act II number, "Abbie Cornish? (What Is She, A Game Hen?)" as well as in the finale, where she and Jake Gyllenhaal (played by Peter Sarsgaard) ride off into the sunset in a flying car. We thank you for your understanding in this matter, and hope you enjoy the show!