Kristen Bell

I am beginning to think that either Kristen Bell or her stylist or both of them are suffering from some kind of body dysmorphic disorder wherein they think she is way, way bigger than she actually is. Because Kristen Bell is a teeny tiny little teeny person and yet whoever picks out her clothes for her everyday seems to think that she's about ten feet tall. Like this:

I actually kind of like her top. It's so LOUD and retro and Palms Springs-y, and I have a weakness for loud, retro, Palms Springs-y tops. But MAN ALIVE is it overwhelming on her frame.  I think she's wearing it with slim jeans, and rightly so (it's hard to tell in the picture), but I honestly think she's just too small to wear something this bold in both cut and print, period. It's just not flattering and I can't really think how she could ever pull it off. If it were a solid color, sure, or had either the billowing cut in the body of the shirt OR the big sleeves but not both, maybe. But as it is, she just looks like a little girl playing dress up down at her grandma's condo by the golf course. Next, maybe Grandma will let her drink some General Foods International Coffee and pretend to smoke a cigarette out on the lanai!

This isn't an isolated incident, either. La Bell is almost always wearing something that looks far too big on her. Like earlier this week, at the Neiman Marcus event that's yielded so much material for us lately:

We have fugged Kristen Bell a lot. So this is going to be a refreshing change:

Heather and I saw a fair amount of La Bell when we were at Fashion Week, and it seems like she learned a lot from her stint there -- and she didn't, thank god, pick up that she should put on some shiny silver leggings. Simply put, I love this: I love the color on her, the cut works with her petite little frame, the hair is good, the nails are good, the shoes are good -- it's all good. It's simple and flattering, but not boring, and best of all,  it's not too overwhelming on her, which is traditionally where she goes off course.  Yay!

See, we're not bitches all the time.

From the desk of Ned Sofanegra, WHEE! Entertainment's online gossip columnist:

WHEN: Sunday. WHERE: The Teen Choice Awards. WHY: Aw, jeez, I may not be the youngest buck at the rodeo, but who doesn't want to sneak a peek-a-treat at the hottest of Hollywood? We're tawkin' brunette Britters, blonde Brittany a-twitter, and Sophia Bush no longer bitter. Plus, more Jessica's than you can fit in a bathroom stall.

And so that got me thinkin': Who would these sass-packed starlets want to spank over an open toilet? And who better to ask than TV's snarkiest sleuthy cutie.

"I don't understand a single word you're saying," said Crimson -- oops, Kristen -- Bell.

Nuts -- these cagey types just don't understand a good wish-and-bitch sesh, no? But I pressed on: "Tish and pish, you delish dish -- I'm saying', if you could palm a pouty, pert patootie, whose would it be?"

But K.B. didn't let me get the answer so E.Z.: "I have to go talk to, um, Kevin Federline," she said.

The dark-rooted cutie with the primly covered booty stalked, rather than rawked, the red carpet in an old lady's canary-yellow blouse and pants with a zipper so long it's already in syndication. And so while she hoofed away like a show-pony -- trying not to trip on her prim pants hem -- I called out to the Veronica Mars honey-pie, "Would you ever date a man as old as your fashion sense?"

She didn't answer. My bet? Depends which one, if you get the incontinent implication. I mean, which ornery oldie -- short of Jack himself -- would live long enough to work that zipper to its end?

The purpose of our Well Played feature is to spotlight somebody whose clothes we like, but it's also to commend an unusual choice -- a choice we still might not love -- that a celebrity is managing to make work for them. It could be subtitled, "When Marginal Taste Works," except for how that phrasing is incredibly clunky.

So, we were throwing Kristen Bell a bone this morning. And although we don't like to feature somebody twice in one day, it does appear Kristen Bell has thrown it right back at us and cracked us in the nose. [She's a wee thing but her aim is deadly.]

Here she is at the premiere of something called Pulse:

What moldy costume shop ejected this? I'll give her that she looks very slim in it, but the collar-and-cuffs detail looks nappy and worn, and the bottom half of the skirt -- from which there is a thread snaking out onto the red carpet like so many cobras on a jetliner -- bears the wear-and-tear of a thousand high-school actresses dragging it around backstage and inadvertantly stomping on it as they tread the boards.

She's also not doing herself any favors with the bright white purse and that abdominal explosion of a flower at her waist -- when you put something that stark next to a dress that's a few shades darker, the effect makes the outfit look like it hasn't been dry-cleaned since somebody's great-grandmother wore it to her wedding.

It pains me to rip the "Fastest Backslide" award from Tara Reid's grubby hands after her recent and speedy skid from unfugging to uberfug, because what else is Tara Reid going to win? And yet, Kristen takes the prize.

Much to the consternation of Veronica Mars fans, we here at GFY have been frustrated more than once by Kristen Bell's clothes. Unfortunately, the girl has a history of dressing like either a frump with no sense of occasion, or an old lady.

Such expressions are often met with upset e-mails from the show's supporters instructing us that we can criticize anyone we like, anyone at all, except Bell. She is apparently supposed to be exempt -- something about how every episode of Veronica Mars was massaged by God himself, largely as a reward for their devotion but also because he got bored of Gilmore Girls and One Tree Hill and he's trying to show those ungrateful hacks how it's done. There's usually also something about how Bell's hair is spun by angels out of gold dust and puppy fur.

And while no one is untouchable to us here, we do occasionally like to throw a well-deserved bone to people who do things well, or at least better. That's the key here: better. Everyone has his or her day, and this is Kristen's, for all you Bell lovers out there.

There's elements of this I don't like: the bizarre strings of pearls strapped to her shirt and flapping around aimlessly, for one; also, there's the slightly high-waisted skirt, which is tough to pull off. And I'm not sure about the pattern.

But you know what? She sort of is pulling it off. She looks cute and happy; she looks her age, but without the trendy trappings of trash that so often adorn other young actresses. She is being herself without sweating about being noticed. And, as a woman, I know that is really hard to wear something that rises that far over the hips and have it be flattering, especially when you have a shorter torso, when it risks chopping you weirdly in half. But instead, this complements her wee waist and the curve of her hip.

So, yeah, I'm wondering a bit why her accessories needed to be stapled to her top. Still, while this might not be a giant leap forward, I do think that her making these elements work for her -- as in, when I saw the photo first, I saw her, and not the clothes -- is an important baby step.

Many happy returns to Kristen Bell of Veronica Mars, who, despite her birthday being in mid-July, apparently turned 82 last night at the Superman Returns premiere:

Now, most grandmothers wear that kind of smock either while shuffling around the house making some kind of pork-chop-and-prunes special recipe, or out to the hairdresser with white slacks and natural pantyhose poking out of clear plastic open-toed sandals. Props, then, to Granny Bell for showing a little leg as her tentlike Palm Beach couture billows around her.

But, psst, Kristen! Don't be late for bridge! Marge is bringing her famous date-topped Jell-o salad!

Stumpy is the watchword:

For real, Bell.  You're as cute as a sassy little pixie, but when you're five foot nothing , it does you no good to bury yourself in smog-colored gauze, kinda maybe belt it, throw on a lairet and call it a day. You're all lost under all that stuff.

Or wait. Maybe you're undercover. Maybe someone at the Globes killed your stylist and you're in disguise and on the case. That explains a lot.

So nice of Kristen Bell to dress up for this occasion:

[Photo by Daily Celeb.]

From the waist up, it's Flashdance; from the waist down, Dancing With The Stars. At the afterparty, I hope she felt up John O'Hurley's crotch with her foot during a steamy paso doble.

Kristen Bell is an adorable girl, but this bermuda shorts thing has GOT to stop:

[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb.]

First, just because against all odds some 1980s fashions have come back in style, it doesn't mean we have to embrace EVERYTHING that was popular in that decade. Second, linen shorts? With that Joan Collins top? Tsk tsk, Kristen. Alexis Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan would be horrified.