Lady Gaga

I have this new theory about Lady Gaga that I am telling everyone, so you might as well be next. Namely, she is actually really talented -- every time I hear "Paparazzi" I think, "Oh, that's right, she CAN sing" -- and therefore probably doesn't need to be wearing this sort of thing:

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I mean, for all our LOOK INTO PANTS screeching about Gaga, I get it: Her wardrobe is  performance art, or at the very least, it's a ploy for attention that can easily be explained away as performance art. But I think these wacktacular get-ups are starting to distract from her actual skillz. Also, at a certain point she's going to reach the end of her wacktacular rope and cycle around to wearing, like, jeans and a tank top. THAT would shocking at this point. So, now that I think about it, maybe her two-year reign of pantlessness was all just an elaborate ploy designed so that, eventually, girlfriend can leave the house in her Slanket and we'll all just be like, "Well, at least she's comfortable." Right?

Oh, this outfit? I mean, I don't know. What can you say about this? She's a very confused widow, mere days from incarceration in the asylum, who's just had a terrible baking incident?  What do you say when you meet Lady Gaga at a party and she's wearing Joan Holloway's underpants, covered in flour and making claw hands? "Wow, I just love your batshit crazy face veil. Is that attached to your wig?"  "Carpal tunnel is a bitch, right? Gosh, I'm crazy about...that button down." Or just, "Can I get you something from the bar?"
October 2, 2009

Fugarazzi

I need to sit down. Well, technically, I am sitting down. I need to stand up and then sit back down.

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I feel like, in comparison to Lady Gaga's usual, this is the equivalent of one of us -- the pants-wearing people -- leaving the house in like, a pair of jeans layered over leggings, worn under two skirts and a pair of Bermuda shorts. Sure, I'm pretty sure this is what the cocktail waitresses at Vegas's newest American Revolution-themed casino -- Paul Revere's Alehouse and Whist Emporium -- are going to be eventually be forced to wear, but that doesn't mean it's not progress.
September 16, 2009

Pokfug Face

I wish I'd watched the entire VMA telecast, because then I'd have seen all of Lady Gaga's outfits and could've knocked them out in one post, as opposed to scattering them around and dragging it out in a way that's sure to please her. I had intended to ignore the ones I didn't notice right away. But I couldn't resist posting this smoking pile of crazy:

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[Photo: WENN.com]

That is... that is the Santa Claus you find  in your apartment complex's dumpster, reeking of whiskey and urine. That is the property of one very cold chicken. That is what happens when you go to summer camp and the girls in your cabin hate you, so they cover your face in honey and cut up your pillows.

And that is the soulmate of this person:
September 16, 2009

Lady Fugda

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You want me to believe Minnie Mouse wore white on her wedding day? Girl, PLEASE.

September 14, 2009

VMA Fug Carpet: Lady Gaga

Gaga Laboratories really outdid itself this time.

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Here, she's styled herself into an Aztec dominatrix with a sprained neck who lives in the basement of Radio City Music Hall, jealously haunting the patrons whose heads have a full range of motion.

But you guys, as grating and dull as I find her antics of late, and as unnecessary and disturbing and unappealing I found the VMA performance in which she ended up splattered in fake blood and feigning death-by-hanging or whatever (really sensitive, too, considering the first chunk of the telecast was honoring an artist who died before his time), I almost finally fell in love with Lady Gaga when I saw this photo:
September 9, 2009

Lady Fugga

So we've gone from a willful lack of pants and do-it-yourself nipple shields... to this:

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It's like one part Madonna, one part Liberace, a sprinkling of Liza Minnelli, a droplet of Joan Collins, all thrown in a blender and frosted with a divine icing made of this:

July 28, 2009

Poker Fug

Well, I suppose it was only a matter of time.

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[Photo: Splash News]

After performing in Ibiza in this incredibly well-thought-out bra and panty set, which is clearly made to fit a child prostitute and looks like she made it out of Ace bandages and a purloined chandelier, our girl Gaga finally slipped her nips.

It's actually starting to happen in the above picture, but the following is a bit less safe-for-work -- although only a bit:

July 15, 2009

Fugdy Fugda

Okay, Lady Gaga. This is it. You've stunned us with bubble dresses, heinous leotards, panty-hose, and countless flashes of your buttock flesh. You wore a hair donut. You carried a tea cup. Fine.

But this is the last straw. YOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR:

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[Photo: Splash News]

Tsk tsk, Gaga. You shoved your Little Miss Muffet into an Animal-head tuffet. I don't care if this is fresh off the catwalk -- you are encouraging the use of a muppet as some kind of madcap performance art, while his dead-eyed gaze peers out from under his signature monobrow as if to say, "It's too late for me. Go now. GO NOW AND SAVE YOURSELVES." Well, I will. You violate my eyes? Shame on me for looking. You play along with violating a muppet, though, and you are dead to me forever. Or, at LEAST until another slim-pickings fug day. I don't know. I have only so much inner strength. Suffice it to say that, much the way Animal was prone to doing with his face during his heyday, I hope someone picks you up and uses your crotch as a drumstick.
July 9, 2009

Poker Fugce

Well.

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[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Either Carol Channing has had a really severe mental break, or Lady Gaga woke up with a raging volcanic zit on her face this morning.

July 7, 2009

Fugger Face

GUESSSSSS WHOOOOOOOO?

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[Photo: WENN.com]

You'll never guess! You'll never, never guess. You'll simply never, never, never never never never hazard a guess. IT'S SUCH A CONUNDRUM!

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