Maggie Gyllenhaal

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MAGGIE: Hi, Jake. I know you're my brother, but it must be said that you're very cute.

JAKE: Thank you. And you also look lovely. I think.

MAGGIE: You think?

JAKE: Well, it's.. you know, it FITS, and it's INTERESTING, but...

MAGGIE: Lay it on me, bro.

JAKE: The longer I stare at the skirt, the more the pattern feels like the psych-ward musings of a deranged bee driven to madness by the dangers of his lifestyle.

MAGGIE: Actually, it IS.

JAKE: Really?

MAGGIE: No, but that would be a better story. I am calling it Bee Movie 2: Full Metal Straitjacket.

JAKE: I will say that at least it's better than what you wore to the Independent Spirit Awards. 
Without being 100 percent sure, I am fairly confident I have never before said on this blog what is about to pour forth from my fingers: I love Maggie Gyllenhaal's hair.

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How FANTASTIC does that bob look? It's smooth, it's stylish, it frames her face... usually this girl's hair is a crow's nest of deviant strands. But that is PERFECT. Now if only she could pair it with a better dress. The Gyllenhair deserves better than a limp frock that says, "Come inside and have your oatmeal with Pa on the lanai while I boil some water for your bath." 
There's a pleasing origami feel to Maggie's dress here.

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Unfortunately, it's origami someone performed with the table linens at the Albuquerque La Quinta Inn, which totally screwed the wedding reception they were supposed to have in Conference Room #2.

But I have to say, fabric aside, I like this better in this photo than I did live on the red carpet -- at the time, her face looked washed-out and the dress didn't look that great in motion, and I wasn't sure about the hair... the whole thing felt like a blob of vanilla pudding on white bread with mayonnaise. But I see the detail in a slightly different light now and it's prettier than I remember.

I wonder if I'd like this better if it cut off at the knee, and if the rest of Maggie's styling -- like her head -- didn't seem like an afterthought. I also thought briefly about if the base dress was one color and the overlay detail was in a contrasting hue, but maybe that's too much. Come play designer in the comments.
This is more....there's a question here. And it's not (entirely) "Why Did She Wear This? And What Can We Do To Fix It?"

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It is: this photo was snapped last night, at the National Board of Review. And yet the night before last, I saw Maggie G here wearing LITERALLY this exact same outfit on Jimmy Fallon. What gives? Has she been wearing it for 24 hours? Or was....Jimmy Fallon being beamed to us from the future? Because if Jimmy is coming to us from the future, then we could just ask him how this whole NBC Late Night Talk Show Host kerfuffle shakes out. Team Conan!

Question two: What IS she wearing? Can it be fixed? SHOULD it be fixed? Have you ever really, really, really, really, REALLY REALLY ever loved a woman? Why can't this be love? Are you lonesome tonight? What would Brian Boitano do? Do you hear the people sing? What's the frequency, Kenneth?

December 9, 2009

Crazy Fugs

So disappointing.

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And to think, until now, I was so excited about my 25-percent-off coupon for Cowboy Al's Satin Barn.
October 7, 2009

Fugcretary

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[Photo: Splash News]

PETER SAAAAAARSGAAAAARD:Maggie.

MAGGIE GYLLLLLENHAAAAL: Peter.

PETER: A word?

MAGGIE: Does it use the letter 'a'? Because our surnames may have already used up our daily quota.

PETER: No. The word is, "Yikes."

MAGGIE: I don't like that word.

PETER: How about "criminy"?

MAGGIE: That word sounds like it should be a type of fish.

PETER: "Jeepers"?

MAGGIE: An accessory to an off-roading vehicle.

PETER: Well, what word would you use to say, "Honey, that jumpsuit you're wearing is heinous and doesn't even fit you that well and it's rather unflattering and I could lose an entire bottle of Dom in the depth of the wrinkles from when you sat down in the limo"?

MAGGIE: Maybe just drop to your knees, wave your fist at the sky, and shout, "NOOOOOOOOOO."

PETER: Thanks. I'll try that next time.

This dress seems to be one of the most polarizing of the Golden Globes. Tragically, it is not a tutu made of beer cans, or a genie/Jeannie outfit made of black mesh, or an emu costume, or any other such wackiness that we got at the Globes of yore. It says a lot about how tame the clothes were that this is one of the more controversial pieces:

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On first glance, watching the red carpet, I hated this. But then I saw more of her posing and moving around in it, and had to admit that Maggie kind of pulled it off, and suddenly I liked the damn thing, so maybe my initial knee-jerk had more to do with my feelings about HER -- and how smug she sounds much of the time, and how ungracefully and kind of snottily she handled Seacrest's questions about Heath Ledger, as if the subtext of her answer was, "Can we stop talking about him please and talk about ME? I WAS IN THE MOVIE TOO," which may not be what she meant, but it's how she SOUNDED, and you're an ACTRESS, honey, so FIGURE OUT how to come across pleasantly.

Ahem. Anyway, the big floppy shoulder thing is still a tad aggressive for my tastes, but the cut and color DO suit her. Then again, the pattern reminds me a bit of one of those Magic Eye posters that look like nonsense but if you stare at it for long enough, you space out and see the 3-D image jump out at you. (Maybe if I keep gazing, I'll see a 3-D image of her fiance Peter Sarsgaard. He makes everything better.) I can't decide, sweet readers. I need you. Now more than ever.

November 12, 2008

Fug, je t'aime

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[Photo: BauerGriffinOnline.com]

PETER SARSGAARD: Maggie. Maggie, Maggie, Maggie.

MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL: Yes, Dad? I mean, Peter?

PETER: I don't look THAT old with this thing.

MAGGIE: Certainly not. But, just let me know if you want me to proofread your Gettysburg Address.

PETER: Oh, how interesting -- I didn't think cavepeople could read anything that wasn't scrawled on the wall in picture form. Congratulations.

MAGGIE: Touche, Tom Hanks. Give Wilson the volleyball my best.

PETER: I will! I would tell you to give my regards to Old Mrs. Henderson's beloved cats, but I suspect they have shuffled off this mortal coil. In related news, your hairy life preserver smells like Whiskas.

MAGGIE: God, all this passive-aggression is getting me hot.

PETER: Let's clasp hands and think about passion.

MAGGIE: And shaving.

PETER: Sure.



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"Sigh. Why am I here? Everyone around me seems so full of joie de vivre, and I...I feel but melancholy. Also, I wonder if this haircut was the right move."

We've individually featured several of Maggie's Dark Knight press-tour outfits on this site -- like the weird blue and black one, the bra dress, and oh, that billowing jumpsuit from hell -- and concluded that many of them are not to our taste. However, if you step back and view them together, with an eye toward inferring something about her style... yeah, it won't help. Isn't the idea to make a statement without saying a word?

[At least] Anne Hathaway's Get Smart looks each seemed cleverly chosen to rub her ex-boyfriend's nose in her unavailable hotness; similarly, when Gwyneth Paltrow promoted Iron Man, her endless string of super-short minidresses helpfully reminded us that she's still a relevant, sexy woman with legs for weeks, rather than just Madonna's musty old macrobiotic-loving best friend.

Click through to the whole column, if you so desire, to share in our confusion. Hey, maybe you can interpret her style gibberish.

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