Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen Archives

November 18, 2009

Full Fugs/Fugsney Todd

Fug file:

ASHLEY: So... you stole my coat.

MARY-KATE: What of it? We're twins. For all we know, you stole my FACE.

ASHLEY: I just... it looked more like a coat on me. And less like I was wearing rug from The Sims 3's line of bachelor-pad furnishings.

MARY-KATE: Okay, crabby.

ASHLEY: And did you recently work at an ice-cream parlor in a funeral home? Because if not, what is the deal with that hat?

MARY-KATE: Oh, whatever, you should just be glad it looks like I washed my face.

ASHLEY: I know, that IS a nice change. In fact, I... wait. Oh my God. She's HERE.

MARY-KATE: Who? Who's here?

ASHLEY: Your soulmate. Crap.

MARY-KATE: SHARON STONE IS HERE?

ASHLEY: Dude, in what universe is Sharon Stone your soulmate?

MARY-KATE: I'm wearing a giant coat and a WTF hat with dramatic lipstick. These are SUCH Sharon moves.

ASHLEY: Well, no. I'm not talking about Sharon Stone. THINK, Mary-Kate. Who is basically the grown-up version of you? Hot mess, all knots and tangles? Seems vaguely deranged?

MARY-KATE: Oh my GOD. You mean...

ASHLEY: YES.

Continue reading Full Fugs/Fugsney Todd.

November 10, 2009

Fug House

Fug file:

Aw, how sweet:

Bob Saget and that pretty girl in the awesome coat took dragged that poor conjunctivitis-afflicted grandma out to a party. What a tale she'll have to tell the rest of the ladies at the home!

September 1, 2009

Fug or Fab: Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen

Fug file:

I am getting old.

Five years ago, this would have whipped me into a FRENZY over how RIDICULOUS it is that the Olsen twins are wearing #%tddw$%^##^&*()()))#@!!! tulle rabbit ears, like two tragic Playboy bunnies who're going through some kind of tiresome art school phase where they lounge around the mansion reading Anais Nin and smoking cloves and talking about how their work as centerfolds is really just a post-modern reclamation of the male gaze and telling Hef not to be such a phallocentrist perv. But now that I'm old, I feel like, a) screw The Girls Next Door, THAT's the reality show I want to watch, and b) eh, the rabbit ears are kind of cute in an admittedly obviously silly way, and the twins look fantastic from the neck down -- well, A does. M-K's dress is a bit too festooned for my taste, but...details -- so let's all just have a beer and relax.

poll by twiigs.com

June 16, 2009

Fug or Fab: Ashley Olsen

Fug file:

orange

So, I have been thinking about this:

I might love it. Is it as '80s as Bret Easton Ellis doing a live reading of Bonfire of the Vanities while standing on top of a pile of cocaine before leaving to get sushi with Mickey Rourke and his original beautiful face?

[This one:

]

NO. Don't be ridiculous. It's not that '80s. Is it as '80s as reading a copy of Less Than Zero while eating some Cool Ranch Doritos? Yes. I mean, it DOES have shoulder pads and is potentially made out of the same sweatpants material as my most favorite periwinkle blue Esprit skirt circa 7th grade. But I dig the color, and Ashley can kind of pull this sort of thing off, when other starlets/multi-millionaire entreprenuers might look a little too Styled By Someone Else.

poll by twiigs.com

May 6, 2009

Met Ball Fug or Fab Carpet: Ashley Olsen

Fug file:

This photo totally cracks me up:

Ashley Olsen's bf, Justin Bartha: Book of Secrets, is totally checking out her ass. And I think he likes what he sees:

Continue reading Met Ball Fug or Fab Carpet: Ashley Olsen.

April 24, 2009

Full Fugse

Well, she looks healthy, so that's something. But now I just feel like Mary-Kate is throwing her wardrobe in a figurative blender.

This feels like a hybrid of her once-standard witch's robes and this kicky little number she wore on Letterman so as to look perky and non-threatening while insulting Spencer Pratt (little does she know, she could've shown up with a human head in her hand wearing nothing but a t-shirt that said, "If you are watching this I'm going to kill you in your sleep," and we'd STILL have appreciated her insulting Spencer Pratt). It's like maybe she's a slightly horny witch-in-training who's been hitting the books too hard and decided to go out and show some leg and see if she can pick up a warlock, or perhaps a randy knave. Maybe that's why she came with her hair pre-mussed -- no one notices that you just had a roll in the hay if you looked like you just crawled out from behind a few artfully arranged bales in the first place.

March 17, 2009

Mary-Fug Fugsen

Fug file:

hot messes

The shadows in this photo are, quite by accident, brilliant -- as if the darkness is literally AND figuratively preparing to devour Mary-Kate with its inky maw:

Although the jazzy witch's robes aren't much new for her, here she looks especially devious and crabby, like she's two seconds away from mugging you on the offchance you've got some contraband spleen of platypus in your purse. My main concern, though, is everything from the neck up -- the hair that looks like a Blake Lively wig sample that's been crammed into a plastic bag at Aah's for two months, and the way the crimpson lips and the eye makeup wash out the poor kid and suggest she's in dire need of a healing nap. Do we need an intervention to keep Mary-Kate here from turning into Courtney Love? You'd think reading through our archives would be enough, so perhaps we'll have them bound and shipped to her manager under the title Refried Ass: The Courtney Love Fashion Story, or How To Lose Your Shit In Ten Days. Or perhaps something simpler, like, Um, NO. Hopefully that will do it.

March 4, 2009

Fug the Cover: Mary-Kate Olsen

Fug file:

random-ass magazines

Oops, Fashion magazine -- because if Mary-Kate really "can't stand looking like everybody else," then she's probably going to hate this cover, in which she looks like: a) a fairly generic, if still pretty, tousled blonde with dark eye makeup wearing a boring white sweater; b) the Joker before he's applied his makeup for his daily fear-mongering rampage; and c) an actress who's had so much collagen shot into the skin under her nose that one might assume a duck bill had been implanted in there surgically. Now, I realize the quote probably means she hates DRESSING like everyone else -- which means she must be irate that the likes of Shenae Grimes and flame-haired fame-whoring doofus Phoebe Price have taken to wearing shredded, homeless-looking leggings, since M-K gets credit for first plucking that style from Zoolander and turning it into a fug phenomenon -- but it's also still kind of a weird choice for the cover from a girl who has a near-clone as a twin. You know Ashley's going to run across this cover and think, "Wait, is THAT why she never gets up to watch Full House with me during the early-morning reruns? I always thought she just hated my popcorn," and then we might be barreling toward a massive miscommunication and subsequent twin estrangement that not even the soothing touch of John Stamos can mend, and then where will we be? LOOK WHAT YOU'VE MAYBE DONE, FASHION MAGAZINE. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF.

February 27, 2009

Independent Spirit Awards Fug Carpet: Mary-Kate Olsen

Get ready for the return of shoulder pads, guys. According to the New York runways, they're hot for fall; according to Mary-Kate Olsen, they're hot for NOW.

These aren't even that extreme, but on her they're like tiny little end tables glued to her shoulder, on which someone taller could rest a cocktail during the party. I'm not sure I'm ready to revisit the times when we all looked a helmet and a mouth guard away from throwing a block or sacking the quarterback, but if my shoulders could be in service of, say, Intern George's margarita habit, then maybe I can get on board.

poll by twiigs.com

November 20, 2008

Full Fugs

Fug file:

You know, I'm beginning to think Mary-Kate is just trying to plan ahead and be smart:

If she stocks up now on daytime caftans, evening caftans, and pajama caftans -- of which this could actually be considered any, or all -- then by the time she and Ashley are ready to reunite for Full House of Golden Girls, they'll already have enough wardrobe for four seasons. She could wear this for the episode when Ashley almost gets married to a shyster who, we learn later, secretly hit on their elderly mother (played by Dakota Fanning in all of Estelle Getty's old makeup). Or she could don this for a midnight cheesecake binge. Or for lemonade on the lanai. Or bingo night. God, it's just so all-purpose. Clever girl.

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen

Full Fugs/Fugsney Todd

Fug file:

Fug House

Fug file:

Fug or Fab: Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen

Fug file:

Fug or Fab: Ashley Olsen

Fug file:

Met Ball Fug or Fab Carpet: Ashley Olsen

Fug file:

Full Fugse

Mary-Fug Fugsen

Fug file:

Fug the Cover: Mary-Kate Olsen

Fug file:

Independent Spirit Awards Fug Carpet: Mary-Kate Olsen

Full Fugs

Fug file:

Search

Fug Favorites

Featured Fugger

The Book of fug

Subscribe to GFY

Featured Brands

Featured Searches