Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen

November 14, 2008

Well Played: Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen

Can we take a sec to talk about the Olsens?

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Sure, M-K's boots are totally wack and that MIGHT be a poncho she's belted, and (despite my passionate love for vintage and vintage-y coats) I'm not entirely sure about Ashley's outerwear, but let's have some perspective. Remember this? Or this? Or OMG -- this? I'd say they're looking kind of awesome, in comparison. Awesome and healthy and happy. Sure, they're never going to wear Loubs that don't look maybe half a size too big, but let's be honest. It's...well, it's downright refreshing. They look pretty and interesting and...YES. YES. I KIND OF WANT TO READ THEIR BOOK. There. You got it out of me. Are you happy now? Are you?!

Permalink | Posted By Jessica at 10:51 AM in Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, Well Played
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July 14, 2008

Mary-Fug Fugsen

Fug file:

The next time Mary-Kate and Ashley decide to come out with a new clothing line, they should call it Walk of Shame. It would mix and match relatively normal-looking pieces with stuff that appears to have been excavated recently from the bowels of a man-closet:

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[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

All she'll need to do is take a pair of scissors back into her boyfriend's house, and she'll have a whole horde of new pieces to sell for triple-digits at Barney's. Look for the legs that were once attached to those cutoffs to appear as a tube dress, or a pair of really flappy arm-warmers.

I hope she leaves the shoes behind, though. My first reaction when I saw them was, "I hope she put sunscreen on her legs." Yeow.
Permalink | Posted By Heather at 01:02 PM in Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen
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June 27, 2008

Fug or Fab: Mary-Kate Olsen

You guys, I have a confession to make. It IS Embarrassing Friday Facts day, after all -- there's something about the end of the week that tempts me to tell everyone that, say, I secretly kind of love Tori Spelling's reality show (this is also kind of true). It turns out that I think I kind of love Mary-Kate Olsen this week. IT'S ALL THE SMILING SHE'S DOING. Also, she came out against Spencer Pratt on Letterman last night, which probably endeared her to millions. All that, and I think this is actually kind of cute:

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[Photo: Splash News]

poll by twiigs.com
Permalink | Posted By Jessica at 11:18 AM in Fug or Fab, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen
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June 26, 2008

The Fugness. Sort of.

Mary-Kate Olsen went the Alicia Keys route last night at a screening/party for The Wackness, which I didn't even know she was in, and modeled multiple outfits. First, we got this little number:

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Very Mary-Kate and kind of cute in that in Mary-Kate Belted Her Bathrobe Again kind of look that she tends to go for. People, let's be honest: we're all just really glad she's not dressed like she rolled out of the Dumpster behind Starbucks anymore. Also, is that...do I see...could she be about to...SMILE?

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OH MY GOD SHE CAN STILL SMILE. Clearly, all she needed was for Access Hollywood to pay some attention to her. Apparently M-K's got a raging crush on Billy Bush and finally things look like they might be working out! Congrats, you two crazy kids! This is a romance for the ages -- I can't wait until they run off together and get married. Us Weekly is going to lose their shit. What will we call them?  Bary-Kate? Bolsen? Mary-Killy? It's so exciting!

Anyhoodle, clearly flush with the thrill of at last realizing her one greatest romantical dream, Mary-Kate decided she felt comfortable showing some leg....
Continue reading The Fugness. Sort of..
Permalink | Posted By Jessica at 12:56 PM in Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen
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May 28, 2008

Fug or Fab: Ashley Olsen

Fug file:

I do at least get what Ashley Olsen was going for here...


[Photo: Splash News]

... but I can't help feeling like she might have pulled off the whole female-tuxedo thing better if she'd, say, washed her hair. And removed and replaced last night's eye shadow. And not worn the cummerbund. And hemmed the pants. And picked a blazer that fit. Or, say, not picked a blazer at all. She seems to be aiming at business-chic, but jerked her arm at the last minute and hit the "exhausted blackjack dealer at The Champagne Pit" spot on the target instead.

But, you know, she's an Olsen. Should she get points for having a clear intent that doesn't involve evoking the homeless? Do we give points for that sort of thing? Personally I don't like grading on a curve. But I know a lot of people who'd have flunked freshman chemistry without one, so let's give it a whirl here.

poll by twiigs.com
Permalink | Posted By Heather at 11:20 AM in Fug or Fab, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen
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May 6, 2008

Met Ball Fug Carpet: The Olsens

Fug file:

ASHLEY: People will get this, right? That I'm going as a superhero's VICTIM? With the ripped clothes?

CHRISTIAN LOUBOUTIN: POW!

MARY-KATE: You know who'd have loved this? Frankie Sinatra. Oh, he was a card.

ASHLEY: What?

LOUBOUTIN: ZAP!

M-K: It all reminds me of the time I did Carson with a lit cigarette in my hair. How McMahon did laugh! He was all hands, that Eddie. And what a tongue!

ASHLEY: I don't understand.

LOUBOUTIN: KER-BLAM!

M-K: Somebody get me a scotch, neat, and make it a double. God, that reminds me of that night with Carol Channing and the Hardy Boys. I've got stories about that hussy that would make your toes curl.

ASHLEY: How is it that we're related? Sometimes I think this whole thing is a bizarre accident.

LOUBOUTIN: WHAMMO!

M-K: It's like Bette Davis used to say: "If you can't take off your clothes, then it's not worth having dinner." Or was that Paris Hilton?

ASHLEY: The worst part is, people might think you're ME. Clearly I have to dye my hair again.

M-K: You want to talk about buying new drapes? Let me tell you about the day Phyllis Diller came over for canasta and absinthe -- we'd both been having these WICKED hot flashes, see, and...

LOUBOUTIN: SPLAT!

ASHLEY: Time to go.

Permalink | Posted By Heather at 10:52 AM in Lagerfeld & Friends, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, Met Ball
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April 25, 2008

While We Were Gallivanting: Mary-Fug Fugsen

Fug file:

In our absence last week, an immense number of e-mails arrived in our Inbox claiming that Mary-Kate Olsen threw caution to the wind and wore something totally deranged.

I can't figure out what those people meant. Caftans and velvet inner-tubes are all the rage in my house.

Permalink | Posted By Heather at 01:19 PM in Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen
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April 9, 2008

New Fug Minute

Fug file:

Somewhere amid the blurry flurry of Fug Madness voting, Mary-Kate Olsen snuck past me in a satin shorts-suit and a purse longer than femur.

It's as if she's getting ready to go on safari in Sharon Stone's closet. Which... yeah, I'm going to need to go with her.

Permalink | Posted By Heather at 09:03 AM in Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen
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November 16, 2007

Fuugs

Oh, MK. When first I saw this, I thought, "Oh, MK. Why are you wearing a high-fashion version of the beach over-up my Great Aunt Doris bought in San Juan in 1986?"

I mean, no offense to my Great Aunt Doris -- she was awesome, and used to buy me acid-washed Guess jean jackets and other items deeply coveted by junior high school students without regard to what my mother would allow -- but she was a sun-worshiping, chain-smoking septuagenarian. And MK is...well, 21.

And then I realized that this is not merely the high-fashion version of my Great Aunt Doris's 80s Puerto Rican Vacation Cover-Up, but it is also A ROMPER. Did you hear me? I said it was A ROMPER! This moves her from the realm of Something Your Elderly But Still Sassy Relative Would Wear on a Tropical Jaunt and into What The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man Wears On Summer Vacation.

You know, if he were taking strip class there. That's quite a pair of shoes.

Permalink | Posted By Jessica at 12:45 PM in Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen
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October 17, 2007

Fab or Fug: Mary-Kate Olsen

Oh my god, M-K. Take a seat, so we can chat. You know I kind of love you now -- I loved your Harper's Bazaar cover, I love that you're not a lazy dilettante, and everyone loves a twin, right? -- but you concern me sometimes. No, no -- I'm not worried about your weight or your love life (I have my own weight and love life to think about, after all). I'm worried about your lip stick, gloss, stain or colorant of your choosing:

Namely, where is it?  I'm not wild about the shroud you're running around in either -- it's inching toward the city limits of Blandsville-- but you do love a nice long frock and it does seem very Calvin Klein-y minimal-y and who doesn't love the whimsical use of an elephant belt, am I right? If only the rest of you didn't look so bedraggled, like your car broke down and you had to walk thirty blocks to the event in really painful shoes, and now you FINALLY made it and you're EXHAUSTED and SWEATY and you chewed off all your lip gloss trying to hail a cab and oh my god, yes, fine, it's true, this dress WAS made from a window treatment, but it was a very SUBTLE and CLASSIC window treatment, so shut up and take the picture already.

And yet....somehow, someway, part of me feels like you almost make this work. Have I accidentally brainwashed myself from reading multiple articles about how you work really hard and aren't all fame-whorey and whatnot? And if so, how do I get deprogrammed? Do I have to lock myself in the bathroom with a pile of Atlantic Monthlys? Because, honestly, that would probably do me some good.

But, seriously, while I'm incarcerated, you've got to get some Revlon on up in there.

polls by twiigs.com...
Permalink | Posted By Jessica at 11:14 AM in Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen
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