Met Ball Archives

May 7, 2009

Met Ball Fug Carpet: Miranda Kerr

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Do you think Miranda Kerr got wrong the Met Ball theme this year?

[Photo: WENN.com]

Because I am thinking she accidentally heard "Model as Muse: Embodying Fashion" as, "Model, Use The Body As Fashion."

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

For real. This dress is made of tassels, skin, and ass cleavage. If she DIDN'T misinterpret things, then she might want to watch Silence of the Lambs to see what insanity and psychosis can befall people who decide that skin is just another form of fabric.

May 7, 2009

Met Ball Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Kate Bosworth

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BRUCE WILLIS: Hey HEY, check it OUT. Mmm. Tasty. YES. That Bosworth kid looks like an Old Hollywood movie star. Okay, so it's not as uncomfortably exciting as that time Demi wore bike shorts with a cape, but I'm fragile. I can't live through that kind of experience again. And Kate looks classy, even if it's not all that original. I mean, I don't even LIKE lace that much and she's kind of making me want to eat her whole. Yeah, that's right, I'd like to break off a piece of that and then dive hard into a fancy dipping sauce. Heh-heh. "Dive hard." See what I did there? I slay me. I hate it when I make a joke no one can hear. Maybe I should tell my wife.

BRUCE: Wait. On second thought, Emma doesn't need to know what I'm thinking. Maybe I'll just keep watching Bosworth over there and try to figure out for myself how she's making something as tired as lace-with-black-piping look alluring. Although it could be because she's standing next to a dude in a blue suit and blue-suede shoes. THAT dude is insane. I bet Demi would have made me wear that when we were married. I should probably text Ashton.

poll by twiigs.com

May 6, 2009

Met Ball And Other Carpets: Well Played and Better Played, Liv Tyler

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I would just like to take a moment to give Liv Tyler a hand. I think she's been looking great. To wit:

I feel like this is particularly flattering on her. It's very retro, and she has kind of a retro aura to me, although I might just think that because I really love That Thing You Do! and she's so cute in it. Maybe if I were super into Lord of the Rings I would be musing that I didn't think this was sufficiently elfin, or if I were the world's biggest fan of Dr T and the Women, I would complain that is was not....gynecological enough? I don't know, as I never saw that movie and thus only know that it's an Altman flick in which Richard Gere is an OBGYN...with lady problems of his own! Zing!

Anyway. She looks nice, no? And she's two-for-two because I liked what she wore to the Times 100 Whatever Whatever last night, as well:

Continue reading Met Ball And Other Carpets: Well Played and Better Played, Liv Tyler.

May 6, 2009

Met Ball Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Victoria Beckham

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The fact that our girl Posh was not even close to being the weirdest-dressed Met Ball attendee almost makes me wonder if we're in some kind of alternate universe, where up is down, down is up, high-waisted pants are universally flattering, and Intern George has a blemish.

But she's still the leggy, over-tanned exhibitionist we know and love. Or hate, or just can't be bothered to feel ANYTHING about except a mild urge to pack her back to a life of obscurity. As for how I feel about THIS, I don't know. It has all the Posh hallmarks: huge shoes that don't look especially comfortable (is she en pointe in those things?), a tiny skirt that jettisons her thigh muscles from the unbearable prison of fabric, and an eruption of attempted drama. The minidress kind of reminds me of an old-school swimsuit -- the type of thing we'd call a Bathing Costume, with the merest hint of a snooty accent to remind us that it's from Olden Times. The cape? Maybe a matching cover-up.

But I don't know if it's interesting enough to scream either fug OR fab, yet it's also not dullsville, because it's Posh, and she IS strutting around like a polka-dotted peacock. And when you factor in my general feelings of affection for Her Campiness, it's probably best to let you guys be the voice of judgment.

poll by twiigs.com

May 6, 2009

Met Ball Fug Carpet: Shalom Harlow

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I am so pleased Shalom Harlow wore this, because it almost broke my brain in the most gleeful way.

It reminds me a bit of when I was little, and I'd want to play a game in which I was a princess and/or some sort of bride (but not The Princess Bride, because that came out later), so I'd grab the comforter off my bed and wrap it around myself and parade around my bedroom while wondering if I could still reasonably sing songs from Annie if I were dressed as royalty.

And of COURSE Shalom is wearing footless tights underneath all that fabric -- God forbid she show any ANKLE. It's just so much. SO MUCH. Is she secretly pregnant everywhere but her hands, the arch of her foot, and her neck? Did she maybe get a really hideous tattoo recently while inebriated, and is refusing to expose any inch of herself until she's gone through the lengthy and agonizing removal process? Is she going to throw off the outerwear and perform a solo from Cats to show off that her new anti-perspirant totally passed the sweat-stain test? WHAT ARE YOU HIDING, SHALOM?

May 6, 2009

Fuglla McCartney

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Stella McCartney is a confusing creature.

This is groovy on her. Love the shoes, love the wrap, and I even don't mind the pockets. Even with her hands jammed into them, they don't really distort the line of the outfit, which is flattering and an interesting use of balancing the intricate lace pattern with other cool accessories. In essence, it's the type of thing that makes me feel like I could walk into her store on Robertson and -- assuming I'm not tossed out because the purse I'm using right now is totally from Target and I only own Louboutins that have come from eBay -- not weep at the vision of everything being sold there.

However, then Stella goes and takes basically the same lace fabric and does this with it:

Continue reading Fuglla McCartney.

May 6, 2009

Fug AND Fab: Kate Hudson

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Ooooh, so close.

These pants are doing us all the great service of illustrating how easily an unflattering cut can add like ten pounds to your body, even if you are in like crazy great celebrity shape obtained only through the magical combination of three hour work-outs and magical genes. I'm not quite sure what happened here, but, first of all, I think Kate's pants are a little too short. Add that to the shiny white fabric, the cut of the leg, and the place on her body where that boxy blazer hits, and somehow she looks like she gained whole bunch of weight overnight -- which I think is unlikely, although I have felt that way myself after a particularly vigorous go at the hot wings and beer. (Sometimes, the only thing that can save a rough week is some wings, you know?) I am not sure how I would fix this, other than not wearing the jacket and the pants together EVER EVER again. Because I feel like the jacket could be cute with a skirt that shows some leg, and the pants might be okay with a different shoe and a more body conscious top. OR -- here's a great idea -- maybe she should just wear this again:

Continue reading Fug AND Fab: Kate Hudson.

May 6, 2009

Met Ball Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Kate Beckinsale

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go big or go home

I will say this about Kate Beckinsale: Even if it's not actually true, it feels like she shows up to everything -- no matter what level of formality it is -- in a strapless satin dress that's usually accompanied by an elaborately Prom-esque updo, so I'm pleased she went more over-the-top for the Met Ball.

In some senses, I really like this, because I totally understand why a girl might want to wear a giant skirt and train to a huge event: Where else in your life can you do it? It's not like you can wear it to the supermarket, or to yoga, or to pick up your kid at school -- well, unless you want all the other parents to conspire to lock you in the trunk of a very small vehicle with shitty suspension and take you for a quick ride around town.

But I can't decide how I feel about this PARTICULAR elaborately beskirted dress. The colors are interesting, but the top part does feel a bit like a lazily bedazzled tank, which is slowly being devoured by a sea creature from the treacherous deep. And it's also unfortunately VERY challenging to wear a dress in this vein without being compared to the benchmark of giant-traindom, Penelope Cruz's 2007 Versace from the Oscars:

Continue reading Met Ball Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Kate Beckinsale.

May 6, 2009

Met Ball Fug Carpet: Paulina Porizkova

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Well, I love Paulina Porizkova, and I think however she's doing her aging has been a magnificent choice for her. I also wish she and Janice Dickinson had gotten the chance to be on the same ANTM judging panel. Neither of them mince their words but it'd give us so many genius squabbles because while Paulina's critiques can be stern, Janice is Janice, and YES.

However:

She looks like the hottest woman in the Polyphonic Spree, whose day job is at an Orange Julius stand and who brushes her hair about 400 times a day.

And for those of you who craved a Mischa/Paulina comparison a week or so ago, let's go ahead and stick 'em side by side:

Continue reading Met Ball Fug Carpet: Paulina Porizkova.

May 6, 2009

Met Ball Fug or Fab Carpet: Anne Hathaway

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purple

This picture ALSO makes me laugh:

She's all like, "Yeah. I know. It's short. Take the picture, bub." I also love the woman in jeans in the background -- clearly a photographer or something -- who is just sort of slack-jawed by what she's seeing. I like to imagine that she's staring at Madonna right now. Although, in fairness, when I saw what Madonna was wearing, I looked more like this:

Wait, that's wrong. I was NOT asking anyone how to talk to an angel. It was more like this:

Continue reading Met Ball Fug or Fab Carpet: Anne Hathaway.

Met Ball

Met Ball Fug Carpet: Miranda Kerr

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Met Ball Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Kate Bosworth

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Met Ball And Other Carpets: Well Played and Better Played, Liv Tyler

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Met Ball Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Victoria Beckham

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Met Ball Fug Carpet: Shalom Harlow

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Fuglla McCartney

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Fug AND Fab: Kate Hudson

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Met Ball Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Kate Beckinsale

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Met Ball Fug Carpet: Paulina Porizkova

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Met Ball Fug or Fab Carpet: Anne Hathaway

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