I love Marcia Cross so very much. The blackmail! The baby-stealing! The multiple personalities! The framing Sidney for framing Jane for running Michael over with a car! The wig-ripping, my God, the wig-ripping! And that's just Melrose Place.
So this really hurts me:
Marcia, Marcia, Marcia. Why would you pull back your hair like that? You have such beautiful hair. Hair that I covet - so red, so shiny, so willing to be ripped off your head after a night of wild sex with your charming asshole doctor husband, whom you - let's be honest - would really like to see dead, although you would settle for getting him disbarred and taking all his money.
And Marcia! Marcia, Marcia. The dress. It's so frumpy. It's so unflattering. The colors wash you out so very much. The length, it is so weird. Would Bree Van De Kamp wear something so muddled and poorly cut and lacking in bright colors and/or argyle? No. Would Dr. Kimberly Shaw wear something that made her recede into the background so severely? Never. Unless she were hiding the bushes in front of Dr Michael Mancini's beach house before dragging his unconscious body from the bedroom and into the garage to be asphyxiated by carbon monoxide, of course, but that would be purely for strategic reasons. Why are you doing this to yourself?
Please don't let this happen again. You rock. And you could ruin me by either blowing up my apartment building or somehow finagling a way to get me admitted to a mental institution to give me an unauthorized lobotomy, so I really don't want to get on your bad side. Can we please return to our regular scheduled Marcia Cross Love Fest now? Thank you.
