M.I.A.

November 3, 2009

M.Fug.A.

Either M.I.A. is launching a Sea World-inspired line of clothing, or had a VERY different experience with the movie Jaws than I did.

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[Photo: WENN.com]

Her man-eating midriff appears to celebrate the beast. But you know, maybe we ALL need to take a step back and consider whether we misunderstood that poor shark. Imagine craving a cheeseburger and finding only tofurkey in your fridge. So maybeJaws wasn't a soulless killer; it was just hungry for some steak tartare, trapped with his country-club appetite in a Red Lobster world. Like Miss Hannigan, perhaps he is the real hero.

Of course, none of that explains why M.I.A. has a different understanding of trousers than the rest of us. Boots are not pants, child. Believe.

February 9, 2009

Grammy Awards Fug: M.I.A.

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KATY PERRY: Hey, MIA.

M.I.A.: Hey, Katy. You left out the periods in my name.

KATY: Yeah, they get boring to put in there over and over again.

MIA: Right you are, I'll give you a pass this time. Your dress is very... interesting. It's kind of like an old-movie gown with a giant napkin and some pink plastic edelweiss stapled to your navel.

KATY: Thank you. And you look.... pregnant.

MIA: I am pregnant. I'm due today. Got a problem with that? Is a knuckle sandwich going to be the first sandwich to pass your lips in eight months?

KATY: No, no, it's great and all, but... look, if Violet Beauregard rolled herself out of Willy Wonka's chocolate factory and started a fashion line, and Bjork became her main investor, your muumuu would be their first collaboration.

MIA: Oh, this old thing? This is NOTHING.

KATY: Well, yes, that's actually why I came over to talk to you. I need to thank you.

MIA: For what? Is it because you idolize my rap career? Because you can't believe I kept in this baby in time to perform? Because my nail polish makes you hungry for orange Starbursts?

KATY: Not exactly. I came to thank you for deflecting most of the attention off of me.

MIA: How so?

KATY: Like, the second you hit the stage, there was no way my ridiculous performance outfit would be the most-talked-about getup of the night.
Maybe I fugged too soon on M.I.A. -- turns out she changed clothes at this event so she could then perform, and here's what she brought us.

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It's like she's the poster child for A Very Kidz Bop Easter, in which she plays the basket.

June 11, 2008

Fug.I.A.

Recipe for a Fug:

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--  Three ounces of Julia Roberts' costume from Pretty Woman
-- One cup 80s-teen beach fashion (if you can't find "t-shirts knotted at the waist," you may substitute half a cup of "t-shirt hem pulled up over and back through the bra" or "t-shirt tucked underneath bra")
-- A sprinkling of Patricia Field, to taste
-- Twelve jiggers of rum (divided)

Mix all ingredients until merely adequately blended. Down as many of the 12 jiggers of rum as you need in order to blur your vision. Then don and dash.

Serves: No one.

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