Misc. Awards Shows

Heather and I were having this conversation the other day about the Teen Choice Awards -- as you did at your office, I'm sure -- and how surprised we were that Rihanna was shut out of the all important "Choice Red Carpet Fashion Icon: Female" category. Sure, I don't love everything she wears, but she always makes interesting choices (and her hair is cute). Like this one:

81695412.jpg

On one had, the color is great on her and it's so summery and feminine. On the other hand, I think this dress -- along with a huge yellow wide-brimmed hat with a bow -- made several appearances on bridesmaids of the 70s. So, there's that. That can't be good. Unless Chris Brown is hanging around in a blue ruffled tux, in which case...I'll allow it.
Oh, SOLANGE. Just because you're the Knowles no one remembers, it doesn't mean you have to upholster yourself like a sofa someone left out by the street:

81695571.jpg

At the very least, upholster yourself like something that's still in the house.
Um, Miss Minnelli?  I hate to disturb you. You're pretty awesome, and I'm happy you're still up and kicking around. In fact, I wish you'd write your autobiography, because I know it would be a juicy read, especially accompanied by a cold martini. But, uh, I think you forgot something?

81582237.jpg


Shh, let's act like you did it on purpose and maybe no one will notice.

Something about this is SO WRONG, it's come around to being awesomely right, by which I mean, totally hilarious:

I mean, what can I say that will add to the hilariousness already inherent in this dress? That it looks like something a starfish would wear to a formal dance in an episode of SpongeBob SquarePants? That it's a item of clothing that will provide hours and hours of gleeful chuckles and bad jokes to the drunk? That it appears to be a sartorial salute to the body's major arteries? No. You have to just look upon its majesties and enjoy.

CRISS ANGEL: You seem to be having a good time.

POPPY MONTGOMERY: Sure! I just had a baby and I look great! I have no idea what I'm doing here, but at least I look good doing it. Why are YOU here?

CRISS: I'm MAGIC.

POPPY: No, really.

CRISS: I AM MAGIC.

POPPY: Do you have a show on CBS now, or something?

CRISS: A MAGICAL SHOW.

POPPY:...okay, then can we talk about what you're wearing?

CRISS: Is it not magical?

POPPY: It is not. Unless "magical" is a synonym for "frighteningly reminiscent of the contents of a hormone-fueled nightmare I once had about being chained to Nikki Sixx at a biker bar while being haunted by Lord Voldemort's Dark Mark." In which case: totally.

Oh, Carrie Underwood. I know I spent years and years railing about your habit of wearing formal shorts to perform, but I have to say, I rather prefer the shorts to this:

You're adorable and in great shape and very young. Now is not the time to dress like you're the headliner on Carnival Cruises' Nifty At Sixty Salute to The Golden Girls as interpreted by someone with a long-term Barry Gibb fetish. You are doing your bum a disservice -- which is not to say that your bum looks bad, merely that your bum would probably prefer to be encased in something less agonizingly cheesy. But maybe the front is better:

Note to Sara Evans:

You're allowed to go up a size.

So this got needlessly complicated:

That is a whole lot of curtain-inspired, rumple-y sheeted, fabric-y business going on from the hips down and while I appreciate the concept of a cape -- in any form! so dramatic! so glamorous! who doesn't love superheros! -- I feel like there is no way this thing isn't getting constantly stepped on and caught on door knobs and table corners and walking sticks and other sticky-out-y things (especially after a few cocktails) and therefore accidentally strangling Minogue The Lesser at a rate of approximately nine strangles an hour. Which is approximately seven too many strangles for anyone not starring in some kind of overly-dramatic soap opera, don't you think?

I guess Abi Tucker is an Aussie singer/actress? Our image provider seems to think she's Abbie Cornish, but all things being equal, I'm pretty sure she's relived she isn't. Even if she IS wearing the following:

I think I speak for us all when I say that this is not flattering. Capris made of what appear to be shantung are best saved for your kicky Grandma who's dressing up for shuffle board because she's got her eye on a sexy new resident at the retirement home.  In fact, this whole thing is weirdly stodgy and droopy and matchy-matchy, in a way that feels sort of like it was originally the bridemaid's outfit for a misguidedly faux-casual wedding. Maybe we should be glad the shoes are not dyed to match.

Empirically, I know this is a flesh-and-blood person wearing a skirt over pants.

But I still can't help hoping that this is actually the very latest and greatest in Italian "FRAGIIIILE" leg lamps. That the poor schmo who gets this major award in the mail has a big fight with his wife in his future when he tries to put her on the bedside table.

Search

Fug Favorites


Featured Fugger

Bai Ling

The Book of fug

A book, huh? Is it just stuff you already put on the Web site?

Nope, we wrote the whole thing fresh, just for you.

Awesome. In that case, I want to read it!

Thank you! Click here to find out all the details!

Subscribe to GFY

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner