Misc. Awards Shows

I feel like things with Omarosa have been quiet. TOO quiet. She's got to be up to something, right?

88731163.jpg

Judging by this, it's a reality project entitled Glinda The Good Bitch, where she runs around Oz in various twee, bubblegum-hued prom dresses, committing random acts of rudeness on behalf of others -- all to prove there is profound social merit in acting like an imperious jerk with a royalty complex. Come to think of it, that would make a great companion piece to Paris Hilton's Neverending Search For A New Temporary BFF Who Isn't Attractive Enough To Cockblock Her But Isn't So Ugly That Paris Has To Pretend To Care About The Person Within. I shall set my DVR.

Oh, Beyonce, you coy little mistress of mischief.

88731312.jpg

I can't be positive, but I have a sneaking suspicion that dress is secretly an abstract painting of a flamingo done entirely in oils and sequins, from Monet's lesser-known "psychic"delic period -- you know, where he'd abuse drugs in order to hallucinate the future and create things for Linda Evans to wear as blouses. They don't teach it much in art history, but trust me, it came right between his drag era and the time he gave up painting altogether to become a cobbler who specialized in turning Easter baskets into wedge sandals.
Behold Laura Bell Bundy, with whom I am familiar mostly because I watched MTV's reality show about casting the next Elle Woods for the Broadway version of Legally Blonde and she made the occasional appearance. Parenthetically, I have to say that show was SUPER entertaining -- the reality show, I mean. I've never seen the musical itself. It was sort of like Fame meets Top Model meets all the years I spent doing high school theatre meets the Pepto Bismol headquarters. At any rate, I feel that SOMEONE ought to have stepped in to prevent this:

88520656.jpg

I'm serious. Didn't we last see this on one of the Brady Bunch episodes in which the gang has to perform some kind of kitschy musical number complete with awkward choreography? I'm pretty sure that we did. Ergo, she looks like, at any moment, she's liable to break into some sort of routine that involves a copious amount of thumbs and/or pointing. Which, actually, I've never seen on the red carpet. It might be secretly awesome. 

Okay, listen. This girl is an Olympic champion and the winner of Dancing With the Stars, for the sake of sweet little pickles. CAN'T WE DO BETTER BY HER THAN THIS?

88525431.jpg

Shawn is short and a little stockily-built and THAT IS TOTALLY OKAY.  Three quarters of people reading this right now are a little short, a little stocky, and/or both, am I right? Please, tip your waitress. But seriously, folks. A lot of people are built just like Shawn (except without the incredible athleticism, generally) and most of them manage to look very cute indeed on a daily basis, with no professional help. Right? Like you -- right there, with the turkey sandwich. You look adorable in that sweater. Way to go. So this is why I can't understand why whoever is styling Shawn -- America's Sweetheart! -- can't manage to, like, figure it out. Clearly, the empire waist here is an attempt to make her legs look longer, but the top is totally unflattering, the shoes don't match and the colors are so very Elderly Bridesmatron. I just want to grab her and take her to Bloomingdale's and FIX HER, since apparently, her stylist doesn't CARE ENOUGH to do this right. I'd start with making this dress shorter -- knee-length at least --- and give her something with sleeves, say, with a deep v-neck, to elongate things? But what would you do?

Usual Commenting Kindness rules apply, please. Now, TAKE IT AWAY: 
88522615.jpg

I just wish T-Pain weren't so maddeningly VAGUE.

So, this weekend, the Logies were held in Australia. If I understand it correctly, the Logies are sort of like if the Emmys had a baby with the People's Choice Awards: they're all TV-based, and the public votes, but it seems more prestigious than the People's Choice Awards? I'm sure if I'm wrong, one of our lovely Aussie readers will set me straight.  Many of those readers, in fact, emailed us to make sure we took a look at the red carpet from the Logies and...yes. You were correct that we needed to do that. 

With no further ado:

86354925.jpg

Oh, Carson. You are magical. Never change. Someone who ought to have changed, though, is this young lady:

April 24, 2009

Fug Say Goodbye

Confidential to Paulina Rubio:

86189417.jpg

You CAN go up a size. Here's the trick: realize that no one but you will know! You're welcome.
Oh, honey.

85813177.jpg

I don't think that's how your seatbelt was supposed to work.

On the one hand, it feels so good to type the word "Heidi" and not have it refer to the Montag who usually parades around with plastic-looking inflated lips and the fiendish Spencer Pratt on her arm.

85814653.jpg

On the other, this is the one time it might be nice to be talking about Heidi Montag, because this is a potent fantasy ending to her tiresome reality-show fame and nascent singing career: a nonsensical Barbarella Goes To Homecoming ensemble licked viciously by flames conjured by Satan himself, as she's forced to perform on Hell's equivalent of American Idol. Incidentally I think Paula Abdul is one of the judges for that, also.
Let's get the good news out of the way: Carrie Underwood -- Queen of the Costume Change -- started the evening in something only offensive in the sense that it incited me to a brief slumber in my seat:

85813414.jpg

It's perfectly pretty, floaty, girly... there's nothing much to say about it, hence my spontaneous nap. I'm not inclined to rave, and I'm not inclined to rant.

But do you see that expression on her face? The pursed-lipped look of barely suppressed amusement, as if she's got a mischievous secret she almost can't keep? There is a reason: Carrie knew what she had in store for us later, and she deliberately lulled us into a false sense of peace. Check it out:

Search

Fug Favorites


Featured Fugger

Bai Ling

The Book of fug

A book, huh? Is it just stuff you already put on the Web site?

Nope, we wrote the whole thing fresh, just for you.

Awesome. In that case, I want to read it!

Thank you! Click here to find out all the details!

Subscribe to GFY

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner