Let's discuss for a second how RANCID the new
90210 is. They pick up and drop plotlines like a serial dater. Drunkface still cannot act, and delivers 90 percent of her lines at warp speed. None of the relationships or friendships are remotely interesting. The clothes aren't even amusing enough to make me love-hate them. I seriously think it's being run by blind monkeys on downers. Lori Loughlin deserves better. Listen, Stamos is going to be available soon, now that
ER is ending -- she and he need to figure out a way to recreate that old Uncle Jesse/Rebecca magic and save her from this toilet bowl.
She also deserved a little better than this dress:
It's not... I mean, it could be worse. But unless she's planning to get married to a basketweaver after the show in a small ceremony officiated by one of the valets, I'd rather have seen her in something a bit less twee. And which didn't expose the fact that she forgot to loofah the Mystic Tan off her legs.
As for her show, I just have one word for The CW: Step the hell off Melrose Place unless you get someone there who knows how to pull crazy from thin air. I have serious, serious reservations that they will be able to recreate the mad genius of the time Kimberly Shaw Ripped Off Her Wig. Or when she tried to kill herself with pills just to lash out at Michael Mancini, but when he found her, he just smiled, turned on some classical music and poured a glass of wine. Or Kimberly's split personalities. Or that time Priscilla Presley almost gave Jack Wagner a lobotomy,Amanda Woodward incited her boss to hang himself over his desk, Sydney became a hooker, or Sydney joined a cult that counted Traci Lords as a member. Odds are, it will be more like the tedious first season of
Melrose -- WILL BILLY QUIT DRIVING A CAB TO WORK AT HIS FATHER'S CARPET STORE??!?! -- and in that case, what's the point? Just rerun the original. Heather Locklear could use the cash. Hell, with the exception of Gay Matt, Kristin Davis, and maybe the resurrected Grant Show, they all could.
