Misc. Awards Shows Archives

November 25, 2008

AMA Awards Show Fug: Rihanna

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If I were Rihanna, and I'd shown up in a glorified napkin that left me paranoid a strong gust -- or even just the wind created by Colbie Caillat's PR girl hurrying past with a watering can -- would expose my butt, I'd have been pretty stoked to change into this, too.

I mean, it doesn't get much more protective than thigh-high boots over rubber pants. Nothing is falling out of this except the tip of her big toe. It's basically a hugely elaborate chastity belt -- poor Chris Brown probably had to spend half an hour helping her peel them off after the show, possibly while she held onto a doorframe as he pulled as hard as he could in the opposite direction and tried to grease the wheels with hand lotion and saliva. And if that weren't a deterrent enough to anyone invading her personal space, her spiky bodice -- the sides of which appear to be barfing chains -- is something I imagine strippers wore in Mordor. It's very overdone and freaky, and I can't BELIEVE she was willing to put up with chains thwacking against her Precious every time she moved.

Perhaps her own accessory put it best:

Continue reading AMA Awards Show Fug: Rihanna.

November 24, 2008

American Music Awards Fug or Fab: Rihanna

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I have kind of grown to love Rihanna. She doesn't always look great, but she never looks boring, and thank god for that. A few months ago, Heather and I were all in a tizzy because she wasn't nominated for the Best Dressed Female Teen Choice Award - well, as much as you can get in a tizzy over something as meaningless as the Teen Choice Awards, which means we spent about six minutes talking about it and then went back to discussing how cute David Boreanez is on Bones or something. But seriously: she's ballsy with the clothes, and I think she's adorable here, even if this IS made out of a napkin:

EXCEPT: Rumor has it that RiRi spend the entire evening desperately trying not to flash people, because this thing was so short (I forgot the AMAs were on, and when someone told me they were, I actually have a moment where I thought we were talking about the American Medical Association, because I hadn't had nearly enough caffeine yesterday).

poll by twiigs.com

November 24, 2008

American Music Awards Fug Carpet: Sarah Silverman and Sarah Chalke

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SARAH SILVERMAN: Hey Sarah!

SARAH CHALKE: Hello....Sarah.

SARAH S: What?

SARAH C: What?

SARAH: You're looking at me funny.

SARAH C: I was just wondering where your pants were.

SARAH S: I'm wearing shorts! I think. With Crazy Tights!

SARAH C: It reminds me of something.

SARAH S: How funny I am?

SARAH C: Something else.

SARAH S: Pirates? It's a little pirate-y, I know. It's a shout-out to those Somali pirates! I think they're AWESOME.

SARAH C: I got it! It reminds me of COLLEGE.

SARAH S: What?

SARAH C: Totally! You know, in the 90s, when we were all wearing shorts with clunky shoes and tights and sort of baby-doll billowy things and a lot of vests? That's SO YOU right now. God, this makes me want to listen "Semi-Charmed Life" while drinking Icehouse beer from a keg.

SARAH S: Thanks?

SARAH C: No. THANK YOU.

November 24, 2008

American Music Awards Fug Carpet: Colbie Caillat

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green

I don't know what is up with people wearing dresses that either look alive, or like simulations of living things -- first Madonna picked something that looks like she stitched it together out of patches of rough she ripped up from alongside the fairway at St. Andrews, and now singer Colbie Caillat has hit the red carpet in this:

I can't even decide what this reminds me of -- it evokes, slightly, about ten different things, three involving terrible jokes about a possible girlhood obsession with Pete's Dragon and one of which evokes disturbing mental images of someone violating the sanctity of Kermit the Frog. I'm also tempted to ask if she built this out of the carpet that lay in her parents' TV room in the 1970s; if she has taken Martha Stewart's love of the versatility of succulent plants too much to heart; whether this dress was made out of white bread three days ago; or if she's nervous that some antsy NFL fans will mistake her for artificial turf, throw her down, and attempt to run a tight-end screen. Although at least the latter could turn into an interesting first date.

November 10, 2008

World Music Awards: Well Played, Alicia Keys

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blue,
performances

It's unusual for me to wake up on a Monday feeling chipper. Yet here I am, not only in a good mood, but also feeling relieved and proud and even a tough smug.

Why, you ask? Because my intervention WORKED.

Look how hot Alicia Keys is! Yes, she could use a meatball or three, but some of that might just be the angle of the photograph. But please, celebrate with me: She's wearing a dress that FITS. In an awesome color. With simple but striking makeup. And I want her purse.

But wait. It gets better. Because unlike other awards shows, where she started out strong and then climbed through the looking glass, here Alicia showed actual restraint:

Continue reading World Music Awards: Well Played, Alicia Keys.

November 7, 2008

MTV Europe Awards Fug: Katy Perry

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I'm learning that I must really not be a fan of Katy Perry. Thanks to my fondness for high camp, most crazy costumey outfits end up becoming so-crazy-they're-amazing, a la Posh or Grace Jones or Bjork. I mean, if you'd asked me in the moment, I'd have told you Bjork's swan dress was pure avian insanity, but now I look back upon it fondly and kind of miss it (and almost went as that for Halloween this year, before deciding it's stuck in a relevance netherworld: too recent not to seem passe, but not old enough to be a cunning throwback).

So, my point is, I usually love unabashed weirdness. And yet any time I see Katy Perry in one of her farcical confections, I just roll my eyes and mutter, "Oh, great. AGAIN? WHATEVER."

Let's start with this one:

Are her boobs SUPPOSED to look like giant, evil green eyes glaring back at me from her torso? Is she TRYING to make a play on that old chestnut where a guy stares at a girl's cleavage and she coos, "My eyes are UP HERE"? Or is it just an ugly dress that looks like someone sewed the bodice out of old shoulder pads? I don't know. But I do know that when the skirt if both wrinkled and a size too tight, it's probably not a very well constructed garment.

And this was the normal thing she wore. Behold the on-stage alternative:

Continue reading MTV Europe Awards Fug: Katy Perry.

November 7, 2008

MTV Europe Awards Fug Carpet: Estelle

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Listen, I know playing around with a roll of Reynolds Wrap probably seems super fun -- but when Estelle tried this on, I'm not exactly sure which part of it she thought fit her.

The bottom is all shapeless and baggy, and the top is cutting off the circulation to her boobs. She's going to be super bummed when they go numb in about half an hour. I almost want to start a donation jar, but frankly, Estelle will make plenty of money when she becomes the Beautiful Young Face Of Comatose Mammary Syndrome.

October 13, 2008

So You Think You Can Fug Australia

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Natalie Bassingthwaighte here is the host of So You Think You Can Dance Australia, which I really wish was punctuated differently. Say, So You Think You Can Dance: Australia, or So You Think You Can Dance, Australia? This way, it seems like "Australia" IS the kind of dance you apparently think you can do, like the polka or the hokey-pokey.

She also apparently appeared on Neighbours, where it seems her character had all kinds of problems, including one which required her to put someone in a coma to shut them up. Who hasn't wanted to do that, though? And here, she is wearing what can only be called EXTREME GLADIATORS. They would be awesome if I wasn't so scared of them. I mean, those shoes are going to awaken in the night and come after you. They are going to run over your patent leather pumps with no regard for the blood they've spilt in their quest for dominance of your closet. These shoes will take over your LIFE. These shoes are RUTHLESS.

August 19, 2008

ALMA Awards Fug: Eva Longoria-Parker

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So, after it turned out that Eva Longoria had to cut her hair for her role on Desperate Housewives, I figured sooner or later we'd see her doing something a bit more stylish with it.

In fact, I rather like it now. And this dress isn't bad, either -- I think that's actually a necklace laying over it, which in a weird way kind of works, especially because it's way less Fun Ship Cruise than most of what Eva wears. Seriously, if she worked at Friday's, she'd totally be that girl who not only managed to fit a thousand pieces of flair onto her uniform, but has a completely different batch for every weekday.

At the ALMA Awards, though, things went downhill from here. Jessica and I were just talking about how stupid this tradition is of having your awards-show host swap clothes every two seconds. The first big one I remember is when Sarah Jessica Parker hosted the MTV Movie Awards in 2000 and they made a huge deal out of the fact she wore 15 different things, and now, it's just not a party if there aren't double-digit costume changes. And since Eva L-P not only hosted the ALMA Awards but also served as the executive producer, you'd think she'd at least procure herself a rack of AWESOME clothes to change into -- but you'd be wrong.

Continue reading ALMA Awards Fug: Eva Longoria-Parker.

August 18, 2008

ALMA Awards Fug Carpet: Christina deRosa

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bad shoes,
WTF

We have featured Christina deRosa before, and I couldn't figure out who she was then, much less why she'd be invited to the ALMA Awards now. Apparently she's been in Playboy? I feel like that can't be it. Maybe it was because the event organizers were like, "let's see. We really need someone who will show up looking like Princess Leia if Han Solo broke up with her and her friends dragged her out to meet someone new and forced her to wear the hooker shoes that came with her gold bikini but she previously deemed 'too much.'"

Bingo!

Misc. Awards Shows

AMA Awards Show Fug: Rihanna

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American Music Awards Fug or Fab: Rihanna

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American Music Awards Fug Carpet: Sarah Silverman and Sarah Chalke

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American Music Awards Fug Carpet: Colbie Caillat

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World Music Awards: Well Played, Alicia Keys

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MTV Europe Awards Fug: Katy Perry

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MTV Europe Awards Fug Carpet: Estelle

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So You Think You Can Fug Australia

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ALMA Awards Fug: Eva Longoria-Parker

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ALMA Awards Fug Carpet: Christina deRosa

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