Misc. Awards Shows

Apparently, the whole general idea with Lil Mama's childlike garb is that she's the baby of the rap community. It seems kind of silly to me, but hey, not my problem.

82167768.jpg

Right now, based on her facial expression, I'm a lot more concerned for the spider that's going to sit down beside her while she's eating her curds and whey. I would hate for that quaint story to end in death.
I can't pretend to understand the person who makes the guest list for the ESPYs. In addition to the usual amalgam of athletes and Playboy models, which seem to go together like chicken tikka masala and delicious yummy warm naan bread (I really, really should not fug on an empty stomach), there is always a completely random assortment of B- to Z-list "celebrities" whose attendance is more of a mystery.

Like reality TV's own I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-A-Kardashian, a.k.a. Brittny Gastineau, a.k.a. She Whose Name Really Relies On The "And Sometimes Y" Rule Of Vowels:

81958102.jpg

Okay, actually, I sort of understand how she got in the door: Brittny's father was a New York Jets defensive end who went to the Pro Bowl five times. But even so, I'm pretty sure she had to call someone and REMIND them of that in order to get this invitation, just so she could show up and maybe bump up against Brett Favre. I appreciate her attempt to add a sporting bent to her dress -- if Sasha Cohen ever does an exhibition skate to Donna Summer's "Bad Girls," this might come in handy, and it even looks like Brittny could be wearing nylons -- but unfortunately Brett might not be enticed by the cleavage if he is too busy trying to figure out why she stapled a napkin to her bikini line.

And then there is Alan Thicke, a noted Olympic gold-medalist in Sitcom Parenting and of course the current world-record holder in composing cheesy TV themes and game-show music:
Insert the usual blah blah about Kate Walsh here: She was great on Grey's, but turned into a weird Ally McBeal clone on Private Practice to our great dismay, we all miss the redder hair but this ain't bad, boy is she in good shape YADDA YADDA YADDA:

81958151.jpg

I just want to know why she's popped up wearing something that used to be a light fixture at the Bellagio.

Jessica and I were just discussing that it's been a poll-tastic Friday so far at GFY. But I am here to break that streak, because I am sure we don't have ambiguous feelings on this:

81694975.jpg

You know that if the Tin Man had been in a disco band, his backup dancers would've worn this jumpsuit. I could throw her up on my dashboard to reflect the hot LA sunlight back off my windshield, although I am also tempted to put last night's dinner on her stomach and fold her up into a swan.

Phew! I got through that whole thing without a poll. I knew I could do it.

The majority of you forgave Rihanna for dressing like a lemon cake. But can you forgive her for this contraption?

81697100.jpg

Before we all write this off as Rihanna being deeply original and offbeat, I should point you to our girl Kelly Clarkson, who did the "Like A Dead Virgin" thing a few years ago with -- I think -- equally stupid results. Of course, Kelly stopped short of strapping her tutu to a weight belt, and did not take care to add... what is that, a dickey? With tiny sleeves? A RUBBER dickey? It's bad enough that I look at a transparent tutu pyramid and shrug, "Eh, been there, seen that," but a DICKEY? Is THIS really where we are now, America?

Also, I know it's just a reflection off her metallic collar -- and we all know how awkward it can be when our metallic collars catch the light weirdly; it's my private pain -- but whenever I look at her neck, I see half of a gleaming silver mask staring back at me. Do you think her maybe-probably-boyfriend Chris Brown was gazing up at her and silently singing, "Rubber Dickey, you're the one; you make Sexy Time lots of fun! Rubber Dickey I'm awfully fond of you"? Or was he too busy thinking, "The PHAAAAAAANTOM of the Opera is HEEEEEEERE, INSIDE MY MIND"?

You know how there are those days when you totally don't know what to wear and you wish you could just bring like four outfits to work or whatever and change it all? Alicia Keys actually did that at the BETs. First, we've got her pink cocktail dress on the red carpet:

81695770.jpg

Which I think I love. Yes, I WILL give you a congratulatory fist bump you over this dress, Alicia. Thank you for offering.

Then we had the performance outfit:
I wish I had a better photo of this dress on Queen Latifah. Heather and I were lucky enough to go to the BET Awards last night (more on that later, but the short version is that it was awesome), and she looked AMAZING in person. Maybe a mini-collage will help get that across:

81697237.jpg81697231(2).jpg

This color is totally awesome on her and the cut is super flattering. In fairness, I must admit that I just sort of dig her in general, and she usually looks fab, but this time she turned the fab up to FAB (you know, the all important Awards Show Caps Lock Effect).

These shiny pants would be a crime against a 57-year old groin, much less one belonging to a spry under-40 like Anthony Hamilton.

81697314.jpg

Seriously, dude, if you pull those up any higher you'll be infertile.
Remember Toccara? The first plus-sized woman who actually mattered on America's Next Top Model? The one who kept chicken under the bed and then mysteriously lost her personality after a brutal photo shoot where the clothes didn't quite fit? I loved her. Especially for the chicken thing. If I wasn't so skeeved out at the idea of not refrigerating my chicken, I can't promise I wouldn't want a secret stash under the bed, especially if I were sharing a house with a bunch of hungry bitches who might sleepwalk their way into my corner of the icebox.

Anyway, I'm thrilled Toccara didn't drop off the face of the planet like so many ANTM alums; instead, she's working for BET and has done two seasons of Celebrity Fit Club -- the latter of which presumably led to her look like this:

81694810.jpg

She's teeny now. But my question is, does she look TOO skinny? And does the dress work, or is she squishing herself into it just to make a point? Trust me, I know a girl can't always control whether her chest downsizes apace with the rest of her, but I'm thinking Toccara probably could've started a few sizes larger with the dress and then had the bottom part tailored to her. Nobody would've known, and we'd all be sitting here going, "DAMN, she looks hot," as opposed to, "Damn, that makes my boobs hurt."

Aw, and yet, I don't want to take away from all the hard work she put in for that bod. One of the things I really liked about Toccara was how she embraced being "juicy," to use Miss J's favorite word for it, but if she's genuinely healthier now, then that's great. More power to her. Just don't COMPLETELY quit the chicken on us, babe, or else there won't be any of you left.

June 25, 2008

BET Awards Fug: Ashanti

That Ashanti! She's so selfless. Look at how she sacrifices herself so that we might all learn an important fashion lesson.

81697008.jpg

When the subject stands still, everything is fine. Sure, it looks like she stapled a drape to a figure-skating costume, and either there is an optical illusion causing me to think I can see her underwear, or I actually CAN see her underwear. But aside from all the confused frowning I'm doing in the direction of her crotch, she's not in danger of directing our ship into the Bermuda Triangle.

Unfortunately, the subject had to move.

Search

Fug Favorites


Featured Fugger

Bai Ling

The Book of fug

A book, huh? Is it just stuff you already put on the Web site?

Nope, we wrote the whole thing fresh, just for you.

Awesome. In that case, I want to read it!

Thank you! Click here to find out all the details!

Subscribe to GFY

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner