Mischa Barton

October 20, 2009

Well Played, Mischa Barton?

I have a confession to make. I totally was watching Mischa Barton's show, The Beautiful Life: TBL, even though every single time they went to commercial, I was like, "WHY THE 'TBL'? That's like calling Gossip Girl, Gossip Girl: GG, or One Tree Hill, One Tree Hill: OTH, or my personal favorite, 90210: 90210." And I just realized that I am pretty sure Heather made that joke already, back when it was timely, but STILL. We should have KNOWN it wasn't going to be any good. But I still mourned its loss: how am I supposed to know what happened to the Hot Dumb Boy Model Whose Dad Is Literally A Farmer Who Grouses About The Harvest, or the Hot Blonde Sweet Model Whose Dad Is Russian Mafia, or Mischa Barton, whose character had A SECRET BABY?? (That all makes it sounds better than it really was, of course: it was no Melrose Place: MP, which is legitimately juicy fun.) Anyway, I sort of wanted to support poor Mischa. She's having a rough year. But maybe things are looking up?

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Mischa has always cleaned up beautifully. I mean, say what you will about her outfits or her acting -- we sure have -- but I think she has a great face. And I sort of love this dress, in part because the neckline is unusual but not CRAAAAZY, and it frames said face so nicely. Also, I am obsessed with navy blue.

Let's check out the back:

September 24, 2009

The Beautiful Life: WTF

Mischa Barton looks beautiful.

34316PCN_Barton03.jpg
[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

...from the neck up.

In fairness, the rest of her looks amazing if you're deeply obsessed with test patterns and/or self-hypnosis.There's something for everyone!

July 6, 2009

The Beautiful Fug

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[Photo: Splash News]

MISTER DOG-WALKER: Hmmmm.

MISCHA BARTON Whee! I finally got a chance to wear this dress! I've been waiting for a moment that was ripe for wee patch pockets over my abs! That moment is now! I'm so happy and carefree!

MISTER D-W: Okay. One of two things is happening. (1) She's wearing this ironically. Or, (2) I've fallen down a previously undiscovered hole in the space-time continuum and have been transported back to either the mid-seventies or the set of Freaks and Geeks. I kind of hope it's the latter. I need to make friends with Jason Segel NOW.
July 2, 2009

The Fugliful Life

Oh, Mischa. You are right to be afraid.

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[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]


Just LOOK AT YOURSELF. You resemble ten miles of rough road that leads straight to a biker bar with a Forever 21 in the back room. Which actually might be kind of delightful on a night out, but not if it means wearing cheaply beaded hot pants and a bowler hat. That's too Cabaret Recessionista for me.

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MOHAMED AL-FAYED: Thank you for opening the Harrods summer sale for us, Mischa.

MISCHA BARTON: You're welcome! Thanks for validating my continued existence as a celebrity.

MOHAMED: No problem. You look nice today.

MISCHA: Thanks! I clean up okay, still, right?

MOHAMED: Sure. Although....there's something missing.

MISCHA: There is? What?


June 26, 2009

The Beautiful Fug

So, I've got this theory. I firmly believe that everyone needs to have what I call their Get a Grip Friend. This is the person who loves you enough to grab you when you've gone off the rails - over a boy, or a work nemesis, or your raging cocaine habit -- and shake and you and say, "HONEY. GET A GRIP." Mischa Barton, I am beginning to suspect, does not have that friend in her life:

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[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Look. I have residual love left for her if only for that one scene in The OC where she freaks out at Julie Cooper-Nichol and throws all their patio furniture in the pool. So I'll do it, you guys. SOMEONE HAS TO. This girl needs a hand from a (semi) loving friend.

MISCHA. HONEY. GET A GRIP.
May 26, 2009

A Fugliful Life

Since that car is apparently about to back over her, I guess it's a good thing Mischa Barton is decked out like a psychedelic human canary.

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[Photo: WENN.com]

Unfortunately, it means everyone ELSE can see her as well.

Note to Mischa: The next time you put on your lemon-colored patent-leather bowling shoes and think to yourself, "Whatever, I'm just going to be out for a little while, and it's dark, no one will SEE them," remember this moment, and how even a bright jacket and a dress weeping pastel fringe couldn't distract us from your footwear. Then immediately cuff yourself to the nearest chair and call for reinforcements.
So, I actually kind of like this:

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It's interesting and flattering and also sort of unusual and unpredictable yet classic at the same time. I can sign off on that. It helps that I am currently obsessed with navy blue. So, anyway, nicely done, Mischa. Did you get a new stylist? Because that person deserves some props. That being said, I looked at this picture for about twenty minutes, trying to decide who Mischa reminded me of. It was kind of like when I'm at the Grove or whatever and I'm hiding behind a display of plastic margarita glasses trying to decide whether or not I went to college with the dude in Crate and Barrel, or I know him from the television. Although I'm usually wearing pants at C&B. And finally, it hit me. I think Mischa's hoping people -- especially those in casting -- start confusing her with this person:

April 23, 2009

Fugscha Barton

How QUICKLY the worm has turned. Just a few hours ago, I was all, "You look cute, Mischa!" AND NOW THIS:

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[Photo: WENN.com]

I...am without words, a bit.  It's all so very I'm With The Band, except the band is like, a Poison cover band called Toxin and they're currently playing the parking lot of the H&M, where some crazed sales girl will eventually crack, bash Mischa over the head with the pilfered arm of a mannequin and steal her shoes. The US Weekly cover story about that is going to be hilar.
April 23, 2009

Fug or Fab: Mischa Barton

Call me crazy (insert chorus of, "YOU'RE CRAZY" here), but I rather like this, although I could also see this fabric making a great hotel bedroom window treatment:

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Sure, she looks kind of stressed and cranky -- maybe a nice delicious sandwich would help? -- and totally ready to get away from the camera and over to the open bar, but the dress, I think, is actually kind of great. And this color is not easy to pull off. I suspect that I, personally, would look like a tub of pate wearing it. Or a slightly overdone sugar cookie. Or a slightly underdone croissant. Or....I think it's time for lunch.
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