Mischa Barton Archives

April 17, 2009

Fugsha Barton

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I feel like this outfit is something they would've put in the Mannequin music montage where Kim Cattrall and Andrew McCarthy dance around the department store, miming different scenarios in a series of increasingly stupid costumes. This one would work perfectly for a moment in which they pretend they're on a hayride sponsored by M.C. Hammer:

[Photos: Splash News]

However, those shoes are in a totally different category of crazy. Oh, MISCHA. It's nice to see you go out and do that voodoo that you do so well.

Literally -- if you were wondering why she's looking at the shoes as if hoping they'll look back, it's because they actually can:

Continue reading Fugsha Barton.

February 4, 2009

The Sixth Fug

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Oh, Mischa Barton.

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Principal photography on Singles ended seventeen years ago. Bridget Fonda REALLY NEEDS HER OUTFIT BACK.

January 29, 2009

Quasi-Humorously Played, Mischa Barton

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KANYE WEST: [thinks] What the f is going on here?

MISCHA BARTON: Boom! Fierce! Yes! Pose! Work it! Broken down doll! Yes! More! Bring it! I'm AWESOME.

KANYE: Should I say something to her? She seems....busy.

MISCHA: Where's Miss J? Miss J would appreciate my awesome model moves here. Maybe someone will see me and put me in the show today!

KANYE: How do I interrupt all this posing? Do I just grab her arm and go, "Stop working it for a second, so I can make polite conversation with you about The OC"? That seems weird. Maybe I'll just sit here and think about sunglasses.

MISCHA: Also, my dress is AWESOME.

KANYE: At least her dress is kind of good.

MISCHA: It only has ONE SLEEVE.

KANYE: Even if it does only have one sleeve.

January 27, 2009

Fugsha Bartfug II: Electric Wackaloo

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Well, this is one way to follow up a nip slip. As we showed you earlier, Mischa Barton arrived at the Dior show in Paris sporting a tiny mustard dress and a small patch of areola; apparently, she departed in this:

[Photo: Splash News]

Wow. That is, what you would wear if you were Annie Hall x Karl Lagerfeld + one-third of Ellen DeGeneres + a Christmas tree skirt x those pants old men wear that pull up to their armpits and have two feet between waist and crotch + the square root of Fraulein Maria as she's skipping through Salzburg singing "I Have Confidence" before eventually wooing the pants off a stern, fertile captain with a heart of gold (or at least some very nice gold-plating). And you know what? I hope that last bit happens for ol' Mischa, because she looks so pleased with her hat, her Jessica Simpson clip-on hair, and her tree skirt. They all might as well serve SOME happy purpose.

January 27, 2009

Fugsha Bartfug

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While Intern George cheerfully shaved off his mustache the other day, we here at GFY HQ were discussing how one of the celebrities we'd most like to make over in 2009 is Mischa Barton. If there were a Shut Up, Tights ARE TOTALLY Pants Union, she'd be the president of the Los Angeles chapter (with Shenae Grimes serving very capably as her veep) and making a very respectable play for an international leadership role.

So we are at least pleased to see that, even on a day so cold that the lady behind her is covering her mouth with a scarf (unless she's simply overcome with the stench of wasted potential that emanates from Mischa like she's a real-world Pig Pen), Mischa may finally have put those tights in the laundry basket -- or even the Salvation Army pile:

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

This dress itself might even be an improvement. The color is daring. The beading is intricate. The fringe flanking all that detail even works. If this started two or three inches higher, and extended two or three inches lower, it might be profoundly adorable. Unfortunately, though, she suffers from whatever disease causes Rumer Willis to wear only strapless dresses that barely cover her nipples -- Attention-Deprived Areolae Syndrome, or something. And unfortunately for Mischa, her right nipple got its immodest wish:

Continue reading Fugsha Bartfug.

October 27, 2008

Happy Hallowfugs

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Allegedly, Rachel Bilson is wearing this because she went to a Halloween party in costume as a hippie. Which is a huge relief, because at first, I thought, "DEAR GOD NO. Rachel Bilson would never wear those pants SINCERELY unless she had gone blind."

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

I mean, right? But I suppose there's always a possibility that she's NOT in costume, and only drew on the tattoos as a cover for her real purpose: president of the "Dumpy Is Humpy" subcommittee at the Mischa Barton/Aubrey O'Day fan convention and group wedding. But since you never see her and any of her old O.C. co-stars together -- least of all Mischa -- I'm assuming the hippie explanation is the real one. That's a big "phew" all around.

October 24, 2008

Mischa Barfug

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scrolldown fug

Okay. Tough love time:

I don't know if Mischa has fired her stylist or if her stylist is a crazy, raving bitchaholic, but someone needs to step in and fix this situation. I am not anti-bootie (or anti-booty) but those booties with that dress just look redonkulous and by "redonkulous," I mean INCREDIBLY UNFLATTERING. She looks like she was wearing them to the Herve Leger store with something else and has just stumbled out of the dressing room to show her friend this dress, at which point she would say, "Obviously, not with these shoes," and her friend would be all, "obviously." They are doing her legs no favors. NOT A ONE. Someone -- I don't know who, but it might be me if I run into her at Coffee Bean or something -- needs to take this girl aside and explain that clonky booties with a skin-tight bandage dress might look okay on some people, but 99.9997% of the rest of the universe need shoes that elongate our legs, especially when we're wearing something so unforgiving. Otherwise she just looks like she ends in a couple of tragic doorstops. JUST CALL MR LOUBOUTIN STAT.

October 22, 2008

OMG, Mischa Barton, Get A Job So I Can Use The Title As a Pun, PLEASE

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"HELLO EVERYONE! Sorry I'm late! I forgot how to brush my hair. BUT I MADE IT. Are you ready for my rendition of Coopscades!: Marissa Cooper On Ice? It's going to be AWESOME."

October 20, 2008

Fugsha Fugton (Seriously, Girl, You Need To Work On Some More High-Profile Projects Soon For The Sake Of Our Headlines)

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accessories to the crime

You know what, Mischa? I'm out.

I don't even know what to say any more. If this is how you want to live your life -- as some sort of footsoldier in the Headband Army that's led by General Blair Waldorf and Brigadier General Aubrey O'Day, with an assist from Colonel Mary-Kate Olsen and the toolshed that is 90210 -- then I need to accept that I'm powerless to stop you. But that doesn't mean I have to LIKE IT. So every day when you're trying to decide which woven halo of nonsense to roll onto your head, and how much stringy hair to fluff out around it ("Hmm, shall I go full Bjorn Borg today, or something more severe?"), just know that I am SERIOUSLY DISPLEASED.

September 29, 2008

You and Fug

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stupid hats

There are times when I look at Mischa Barton and I think, "Mischa Barton, why are you still famous?"

[Photos: WENN]

It certainly can't be because we're all so enamored of her fringed jackets - this one, I believe, may actually be trimmed in dog -- and sour expressions, can it? Maybe it's because her constant hat/hair combos of late have started reminding us all of Bret Michaels, and we're just waiting for the inevitable moment when she bursts into a verse of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn," THAT is going to be awesome.

Mischa Barton

Fugsha Barton

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The Sixth Fug

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Quasi-Humorously Played, Mischa Barton

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Fugsha Bartfug II: Electric Wackaloo

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Fugsha Bartfug

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Happy Hallowfugs

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Mischa Barfug

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OMG, Mischa Barton, Get A Job So I Can Use The Title As a Pun, PLEASE

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Fugsha Fugton (Seriously, Girl, You Need To Work On Some More High-Profile Projects Soon For The Sake Of Our Headlines)

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You and Fug

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