Mya

October 8, 2009

Lady Marmfuglade

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Happy Birthday, Mya!

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We're THRILLED to see that NASA has accepted your application for astronaut training. However... I don't know how to tell you this, but your left breast has grown eyelashes.  Let's all join hands and pray that Mammarial Mascara Syndrome is not a medical condition that would keep you on the ground. Personally, I don't see the harm in one of your boobs winking while you're floating around enjoying the lack of gravity, but then again, I'm not a rocket scientist.

Permalink | Posted By Heather at 12:44 PM in Mya
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February 19, 2007

Fuga

Okay. That's it. That is IT.

Y'all bitches are trying to make me crazy, right? Is that what this is? Because of my whole blue-in-the-face, "Oh, God, please stop because I don't have that much more to say on the subject and I just want to go lie down because it's making my head explode" vendetta against frocks over trousers, are you just goading me into strapping myself into one of those little white coats that ties my hands around my back? Is that the plan? Well, I have news for you, ladies -- and that includes you especially, Miss Mya, who I'd forgotten existed until you showed up at the NBA All-Star Game in your loud wrap dress over JEANS and ugly straw platform shoes. And that news is: It's NOT GOING TO WORK. You will not defeat me and send me running for a straitjacket. I am stronger than that, and also, I look REALLY BAD in white. So suck on THAT and leave me in peace. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to curl up all fetal in a corner of my house and rock back and forth slowly, brushing the hair of an old My Little Pony I found in a memorabilia box while muttering, "Why... why..." and drawing jolly pairs of pants running free all over the wall. Thank you for your time.

Permalink | Posted By Heather at 01:34 PM in Mya
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June 6, 2005

MTV Movie Awards Fug Carpet: Mya

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[Photo by Daily Celeb.]

Mya would like to welcome you to the junior high spring dance. She hopes you have a really nice time and that you ask her to dance later, because it took five hours to convince her mother to let her wear a spandex and lace body glove at her age, and no, she's not trying to grow up too fast, and yes, Debbie Johnson's mother told her that she could wear one, and anyway, Brian and Todd are never going to ask her to dance to "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" if she's not wearing something every bit as cute as Debbie is, and so if she doesn't get to wear this, she'll be glued to the wall all night and no one will talk to her ever again and she'll never French kiss and she will die ALONE and DRIED-UP, her life will be in RUINS, AND OH MY GOD, WHY DO MOTHERS WANT TO SPOIL EVERYTHING??!?!?!

Permalink | Posted By Heather at 12:44 PM in MTV Movie Awards, Mya
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March 2, 2005

Lady MarmaFug

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Mya finally answers the age old question, "How would I look if, in a fit of desperation, I wore my shower curtain as a dress?"

[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb]

The answer is, "Like you, in a fit of desperation, wrapped your shower curtain around you like a dress."

And we're just pretending that those boots don't even exist.  They have little cut-outs in them, with which I would find fault if I wasn't pretending they don't exist. They also appear to be made of the skin of several My Little Ponies, but again? Never saw them. They never happened. We can never speak of this again.

Permalink | Posted By Jessica at 02:05 PM in Mya
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