Nicole Richie

We haven't featured Roisin Murphy nearly enough on our site -- I have a strong feeling she'll be a sleeper contender in Fug Madness this year. Because for her, this is fairly tame:

I wish it were a better angle on her hair, which sits in a coil on the top of her head like a tempting fresh breakfast pastry. She and the lank-haired Nicole Richie rubbed elbows at the Diesel show on Tuesday night, at which the celeb section was cordoned off to protect the likes of Kate Bosworth from prying reporters. BORING.

Earlier in the day, we got an earful of both Khloe and Kim Kardashian at Badgley Mischka, during which Kim told a story about Reggie Bush being startled by naked models. I know, it sounded wrong to me too.

Then we saw Eva Longoria Parker's stylist try to restrain her from bad choices at Matthew Williamson, and a relatively blah Rachel Bilson in the front row at Max Azria. Finally, we rounded out the day with: a little sass and spandex at Baby Phat, where Aubrey O'Day covered up slightly more of her boobs and ANTM's Whitney Thompson picked up the slack; and Narciso Rodriguez's show, where Kanye West finally whipped out the sunglasses and brought a woman in red plastic leggings. That Kanye always gives us something we can stare at unabashedly. At a 9 p.m. show after a long day, there is no greater present.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Props to Nicole Richie. Fresh off an amusing role on Chuck, she showed up at this event looking like the proverbial million bucks:


[Photo: Splash News]

Of course, those million bucks only equal about 650,000 British pounds -- before tax -- so she probably shouldn't take the show overseas. But she's deeply hot nonetheless.

When I noted that Blake Lively wore an unfortunate jumpsuit to last night's Miss Sixty show, I was NOT KIDDING:

Rarely do I expect to see a fringed caftan out in the wild; NEVER did I think I'd see it on Nicole Richie, who needs to hide herself in an enormous fabric tent about as much as I need to smear Crisco on my face and take up smoking.



It's pretty well-documented in the tabloids that Nicole lost the baby weight in about an hour, so either she's getting a little crazy about not being EXACTLY toothpick-sized -- which would be tragic, so please, Joel, sit her down and give her some cheeseburger pills and remind her how unhealthy that was -- or she's gotten a role in the Transformers sequel in which she plays a girl who can skirt danger by turning into a Miami Beach condo couch. I hope it's the latter. After the first one (I'm told) showcased Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox hooking up on the hood of his car -- which was essentially alive, and also his best friend -- I can't WAIT to see the scene in which they realize they are having sex on Nicole Richie.

I kind of love Nicole Richie. I find her sort of interesting and I usually like what she wears and she seems sort of funny and I like her and Joel together and every time I see her out with cute little Harlow, it makes me happy because she seems happy and she used to seem so unhappy and I am a sucker. That being said, how do I feel about this? I dunno.



I like the tee, and it turns out that it's to benefit The Children's Health Fund, which helps provide health care for kids in need and is clearly a very good cause. (I'd link to a place where you can buy them -- for the CHILDREN! -- but I can't really seem to find it on the interwebs because I suck. EDITED: Thank you, readers! You can buy them here.) And I think it's awesome that she and Madden are doing so much charity work now instead of driving the wrong way down freeways and...I don't know, whatever Joel was doing before. Thinking about Hilary Duff? And she looks good....you know, generally. But the tight skinny black pants and the blazer and the eye makeup and the eye makeup and then all the eye makeup is just overwhelming. I think. Right?

The humidity tried to beat us down on Friday, clenched its gnarled fists again on Saturday, and whupped us but good on Sunday. Still, it doesn't ruin our moods -- Bryant Park looks pretty, if crowded; the clothes are cute; the cold Diet Cokes go down like magic tonic; and there was a glut of celebrities taking in whatever shows they could before flying west for the VMAs. We are trying not to feel deserted.

Here are the highlights:

• Ivana Trump really should've been talking to Padma Lakshmi about Top Chef. It's what we'd have done. Well, no, we'd probably have sat there in silence thinking, "God, I really should be talking to Padma about Top Chef, but all I can do is stare at my pedicure and wonder why it's not holding up very well." But Ivana Trump doesn't have our problems.
• Somebody please give Candace Bushnell some nap time. Maybe All My Children can give her a holiday, like they did for the beguiling Leven Rambin.
• It's nice to see Nicole Richie continuing to class up her baby bump, even though we can't always see it.
• Kate Bosworth shouldn't do her hair that way. Couldn't Anna Wintour have counseled her?
• Kyra Segwick is wee.
• Janet Jackson looks fine, everyone. Let's just calm down about her ass.
• Demi Moore COULD NOT keep her hands off Ashton Kutcher. Not that w blame her. In fact, it was sort of endearing.
• Vincent Gallo is still gross; Samuel L. Jackson is still motherfuggin' awesome. And when they're in the same photo, it just makes them each look more like they belong in those categories.
• Poor Gossip Girl kid. She really needed a handler to make sure she got to the Peter Som show before it started.

We do wish we'd been able to see Molly Sims' whole outfit from the Max Azria show in the moment, rather than so far after the fact. Behold:

Dear Joel,

Congratulations on impending fatherhood. Although it's a little weird to think that the guy who dated Hilary Duff before she was legal is now starting a family (and would presumably beat up any horny twenty-something jackhole who tried any of that on HIS theoretical daughter), but we're fairly sure you'll take to it, since you seem nice to your girlfriends and you like to defend their honor and such. Also, you hate Spencer, and as the saying goes, the enemy of my enemy is my friend -- or at least, the drinking buddy I invite out once a month so that we can knock back a couple cold ones and talk about how the object of our shared loathing keeps finding ways to out-dicksmack himself. (I mean, probably charging your probably fake engagement ring for your probably staged not-quite-proposal on your friend's credit card and then tossing the box at your probably doomed fiance and saying, "I don't know which finger it goes on," or some shit, so that she has to do the honors herself? Pretty pricky, Spencer "Puts The 'Prat' In" Pratt.)

But, back to the matter at hand: Joel, what I'd really like to congratulate you on is the act of knocking up Nicole Richie.

[Photo: Splash News]

Getting her pregnant seemed like a scientific impossibility, so unless (or maybe even if) you took a page from that old Aaron Spelling soap Sunset Beach and employed a top-secret turkey baster, that is some magical sperminating you did. Pat yourself on the wang for that one.

Even though babies are cute, though, I would mostly like to express gratitude for the fact that your womb fertilizing has made her look so much better. The pregnancy weight is helping tremendously. Generic Hollywood Starlet Hairstyle No. 2 is a little tired, and I won't pretend I'm not confused by the sunglasses (what is that -- half a tribute to Carrie Donovan?), but frankly, I'm just relieved she no longer could come to a full stop behind that tree and be completely concealed by it. Your sperm might have saved her life. Seriously. If the weight loss could have been due to drugs, as she implied to Diane Sawyer, and if she felt the need to state that she hasn't done any substances since finding out she was pregnant... well, let's just say that without a little Joel Juice and a lot of divine intervention, she may well have stayed that wee and unhealthy for a long time.

It's terribly appropriate that the day after she fired Rachel Zoe, Nicole Richie shows up at the AMAs looking like the proverbial million bucks:

I've long held that Nicole actually really benefited from Zoe's influence at the beginning of her make-over, and she was one of the only starlets Zoe dressed who I thought could actually pull off the boho thing.  But the general disdain that we here at GFY HQ have for Zoe is no secret -- there's the fact that all her girls began to look exactly alike, and exactly like her, and then there are, of course, those nasty but widespread rumors about how, exactly, Zoe allegedly gets her clients so slender -- so there's something schadenfreudelicious about Nicole ditching her in favor of  "more positive influences."

Whatever positive influences she's surrounding herself with now, they've certainly had a positive influence on her appearance. I covet her dress, I love her make-up (thank god she's ditched the fake-and-bake), and her dark hair is very becoming.  Also, not be indelicate, but...nice rack, Richie. We're glad to see that your boobs are back.

But most heart-warming thing of all -- sorry, it's Thankgiving, and around the holidays the cuddly sweethearts inside our crusty and evil exteriors occasionally make a break for it -- is that she looks happy. Who knew that firing Rachel Zoe would turn out to be the best beauty treatment she could get?

Los Angeles, recently:

PARIS: Dude, I'm so happy we're friends again.

NICOLE: Me too.

PARIS: You make me look so tall and healthy.

NICOLE: You make me feel so small and delicate.  And smart. I enjoy that.

PARIS:  I'm just glad we're over that thing that happened.

NICOLE: Me too.  Our friendship is more important.

PARIS:  I know. I mean, bros before hos, right? I seriously never would have hooked up with him if I knew you really liked him.

NICOLE: What?

PARIS: Stabby. If I'd known you were THAT into him, I never would have stolen him from you.

NICOLE: Huh?

PARIS:  STABBY. STABBY NACHOS.

NICOLE: Who is Stabby Nachos?

PARIS: You know, tall? Greek? Your boyfriend?

NICOLE: Stavros Niarchos?

PARIS: That is what I SAID. STABBY NACHOS.

NICOLE:  He's not my boyfriend.

PARIS: He was until I stole him from you.

NICOLE: What?

PARIS: Or was that your sister?

NICOLE: I don't HAVE a sister. YOU have a sister.

PARIS: We both have sisters, dumbass.  We're both the skinny sister!  Woo! Remember?

NICOLE: Paris. I don't have a sister.

PARIS: Um, did they  give you electroshock therapy when you were in that eating disorder thingie? You totally have a sister. You guys were on that TV show forever, like when you were little kids? Remember? You guys are twins, or something.

NICOLE: Paris, that's Mary-Kate Olsen.

PARIS: YOU'RE Mary-Kate Olsen.

NICOLE: NO, I'M NOT.

PARIS:...are you sure?

NICOLE: YEAH.

PARIS: Really? Because I think you're wrong. You look just like her. Do you have your driver's license with you? Because I don't think I believe you.

NICOLE: I'M NOT MARY-KATE OLSEN.

PARIS: Then who the hell are you?

NICOLE: It's NICOLE.

PARIS: Richie?

NICOLE: YEAH.

PARIS: Oh.

NICOLE: YEAH.

PARIS: Um. So, this is awkward.

NICOLE: YEAH.

PARIS: I guess the friends thing is off again, then.

NICOLE: You know what you did.

So,  although we've featured her a few times on this site, and we've definitely had words with her stylist, Rachel Zoe,  we don't have much of a beef with Nicole Richie. Would we be happy to see her show up somewhere wearing a few extra healthy pounds? I think everyone would -- probably up to and including Nicole. She's certainly said as much. But as far as her clothes go,  she generally looks quite chic and put together, I think.  Unfortunately, it seems that her recent break-up with Brody Jenner has turned her toward the Derelicte:

[Photo courtesy of X17Online]

Baby, we know breaking up is hard to do. But wrapping yourself up in a $12 tablecloth from the Venice boardwalk ain't gonna make any of us feel better.  Even Mary-Kate's wised up on that point.