Nicole Richie

So I guess some people think she's gained weight or something and if that's true, I'm happy for her. I wouldn't know, because I am too busy LOOKING AT THIS HAIR:

What is going on here? Nicole, as regular readers know, actually isn't featured on GFY very often. She is usually impeccably put together. For example, very few starlets rock the head scarf the way Nicole does. Which is why it's so alarming to see her with these ratty extensions in. They look like they've been chewed on.

I hope that's not part of her new diet.

Look, there's no denying that Nicole Richie NEEDED a stylist. Remember this?

Damn, she was a hot mess. (Although, in retrospect, her fleshly little bod is cute. She should have held on to some of that. ) The hair? No. The....knee sock things? No. The...everything? NO. No. No. No, no, no.

And then the stylist entered. And at first, it was all sweetness and light in the Kingdom of Richie.  She toned up and cleaned up, and yes, she cleaned up good:

Adorable. Great color, great accessories, great change for the better. Well done, Nicole! Well done, Stylist Whose Name We Didn't Know At The Time.

And then. Then things took, as we all know, a turn for the worse. Nicole got skinnier and skinnier and tanner and tanner. Her hair started to fall out. Her sunglasses ate her face. Her bag was the size of a Geo Metro. And we all learned the name of Nicole's stylist: Rachel Zoe. And for a while, Rachel Zoe was THE SHIT.  All the starlets began to look Zoe-fied. Lindsay Lohan dropped weight like a kid with a tape worm. Mischa Barton could barely carry her ginourmous satchels. Everywhere you looked, everyone looked exactly the same.

And then the plot grew more sinister yet. Behold Nicole Richie in a photo taken just last night:

Behold Rachel Zoe:

It's like deja vu all over again.

Now, don't get me wrong: Nicole is almost always beautifully dressed. She suits Zoe's aesthetic more than anyone else, and I don't know if that's just serendipitous, or if Zoe and Nicole just work together nicely. But there is a limit. And I feel like the moment you wake up and look in the mirror and realize that you look EXACTLY LIKE YOUR STYLIST is the moment you decide not to rely on that stylist quite so much.

Not to mention the fact that Rachel Zoe is allegedly only 33 years old.  Look at that face. Can you think of a better advertisement for the faithful application of sunscreen and the occasional consumption of saturated fat than her deep-fried ass? Break out the Coppertone once in a while, kid, or you're going to end up as leathery as the Chloe bags you pressed on every under 25 in town last season.

There are several things about this picture of Nicole Richie that make me sad:

[Via Oh No They Didn't]

1) Nicole,  say what you will about her alarming lack of body fat, is probably the only person in the western world who can pull off the boho thing and still look elegant, which she does 96% of the time.  But I think the lack of protein in her diet has gone to her brain, because this outfit just ain't right. And if her clothes go south, I don't know what we've got left with her.

2) Look how fly Lionel looks. For real. I can't help but think that he's looking at his little -- and I mean that in all senses of the word -- girl and saying to himself, "I am really upset about how thin she is. Also, what is that vest? Damn." So in addition to hurting our eyes, Nicole is also hurting a man who by rights should be dancing on the ceiling, all night long (all night), over how great he himself looks.

3) No, really. What is up with the string vest? God, people, if anything is a cry for help and attention, it's a string vest. Let's get this girl straightened out.

Jenny McCarthy had National Talk Like A Pirate Day (plus her own innate poor taste). But what's Nicole Richie's excuse?

[Photo by Daily Celeb.]

Despite that whole human bobblehead thing she's got going on, Nicole usually looks rather nice on the red carpet -- but that thing is swallowing her whole. Maybe I should just be happy that at least something in this picture is eating. 

Her transition from hobo to haute couture, while also shaving off a few pounds, has been one of the best unfuggings in recent memory, but Nicole Richie is starting to go a little too far with her physical transformation:

[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb.]

She is freaky skinny now. She's getting like Puffy McBulimiaface herself, Renee Zellweger: a rail-thin frame topped with a giant, scary bobblehead.

Please eat, Nicole. If I pulled a cake out of the oven and dipped you into it, I would know whether it was done baking. You shouldn't diet yourself down to wood-shaving status. Open your mouth, shovel food into it, chew, swallow, and then KEEP IT THERE.

Occasionally, here at Go Fug Yourself, we like to recognize the Formerly Fugly who have cleaned up their acts. And you know whose act is totally sparkling these days? The former fugster and recipiant of a much needed and critically ballyhooed makeover, Nicole Richie.

Here's the old Nicole, who appeared to have a strained relationship with hygiene at best, although she clearly was up close and personal with The Fug:

Now, however, I completely covet her wardrobe. First of all, she's dressing for her figure perfectly. Like Les Soeurs Duff, Ms Richie has a shortish neck and a squarish bod [as, tragically, do I]. Unlike Las Duffs, however, she now dresses perfectly for said bod. Check it:

I just love that suit. It's so crisp and well tailored, and perfect for her figure. She just looks delightful.

I love this look, too:

And this one:

I don't know who managed to convince Nicole to give up her Uggs and lengthen her hemline [or how much her kicking the smack had to do with this revision of her image], but America -- and Nicole -- owes that person a debt of gratitude. Now, if we could just do something about Paris...