NYFug.com

We're so accustomed to Hollywood's resident idiots going buck-wild during the summer months -- I mean, remember when Paris went to prison and then read her poetry on Larry King? -- that we can't believe it's so quiet. But, seeing as we're only halfway through June, it COULD be the calm before the storm. We've got a couple young celebs on our meltdown watch list; see if you can guess about whom we wrote this:

He's become so beside the point these days that even bravely gaining about 300 pounds yielded him zero press. Where is his sensitive People cover on which he proclaims that he is proud of his curves? What more does this guy need to do to get attention -- have his own talk show? Wait, nevermind.

Give up? Or just want to know if you're right, and see who else made it on there? Click here to read the rest of the column and play in the comments.



In case our coverage today wasn't enough immersion in MTV for you, or you prefer your quips and snarkings in slideshow form, we awarded a dozen looks our own facetious fashion prizes from the evening -- some we like, most we didn't, and a mix of stuff we've fugged and stuff we haven't.

"It's beyond us why she's clad like she just finished packing brownies into the minivan for the Little League bake sale."

About whom did we say that? Well, naturally, I'm not going to tell you -- click here to view the slideshow and join in the comments.
Poor old Jessica Simpson -- she's had a rough time of it in the past few years, and writing this sentence for our column encapsulated it pretty starkly for us:

"If you'd told us [years ago] that in 2009 Jessica would be the Simpson crooning country songs at chili cook-offs while Ashlee tootled off to work on the new Melrose Place, we'd have smiled politely and wished you success in rebounding from your apparent alien abduction."
So not only are we rooting for Jessica's new rumored reality-TV venture to succeed -- or at least, you know, not die out or flop tragically -- but we don't even think it's such an awful idea for her. Why? The answers lie in the rest of the column.
Biel, Biel, Biel. In the June issue of Allure, Justin Timberlake's boring half came out and became yet ANOTHER celebrity to bemoan the crushing agony of being so very, very good-looking. We're sure Derek Zoolander would be astounded to hear Jessica Biel counts this as a negative, and yet, she insists that having divine DNA is wounding her career. Waaaah:

Any publicist worth the fee could have predicted the ensuing Internet firestorm from unsympathetic readers who are pretty sure that is not an actual tragic problem (sample comment: "Can I throw up now? Boo-freaking-hoo!"). Critics who bewail that Hollywood is out of touch with the heartland generally get dismissed as uptight buzzkills, but they have a point: More often than not, celebs' attempts at proving they're relatably "real" backfire massively because they don't actually know what reality is anymore.

To join us in entreating Biel and other sad delicate flowers to PLEASE GET A GRIP, click on over to read the rest of the column.
If you haven't seen it yet, we won't spoil it for you, but Top Model finished its twelfth cycle last night and per usual, we gabbed about it for New York magazine. Here is a pleasantly vague excerpt, edited for GFY to try and prevent our foreign and/or DVR-reliant readers from getting mad:

Jessica: [Contestant Name Redacted] also got to take a break from walking at the end to indulge in some interpretive dance.

Heather: You mean the high-fashion mud-wrestling? For a second there, I thought we were watching a really strange bachelor party.

Jessica: I feel like Nigel may have appreciated that development more than anyone else in the room.

Heather: There is a "long lens" joke here that I'm too much of a lady to make. But only barely.


Click here to see the rest of the piece if you are unafraid of spoilers, or you watched the show and want to join in the fray.
AT LAST. The current cycle of ANTM grinds to a halt once more in tonight's finale. As usual, Heather and I handicap the finalists for NY Mag.com

"Allison gets props for making it this far despite spending every episode peering out from behind a bleached-blonde weave (courtesy of Tyra's cracked-out makeover team) that makes Vince Neil's coif enviable and stylish by comparison. But the girl can't walk. Like, at all. It's a major achievement every time she successfully transports herself up to Tyra at the end of each episode to claim her photograph."

Pop over to NY Mag.com to weigh in on your favorites and see whom we've picked to take it all.

Confession: Some of the previews for the new Star Trek make it look like a new CW show (okay, with slightly better special effects) and not a blockbuster movie. But we're sure we'll end up seeing it at some point and it will make pots and pots of cash, so whatever. We're more interested in what people wear to the premieres, anyway, beginning with the fashion of one Zoe Saldana, heretofore famous for being the sassy smoking ballerina in Center Stage:

"We were curious to see how Saldana would handle the stress of dressing for multi-city press junkets at this make-or-break point in her career -- especially since, at her highest-profile event to date, the Vanity Fair Oscar party, she paired a limp camisole with a giant leopard-print skirt that we suspect was once Sharon Stone's shower curtain. Would she embrace her potential new status as a household name and face in an appropriately killer wardrobe, or would she show up looking like a starlet whose best days were playing second fiddle to Britney Spears in Crossroads?"

To find out how we think she did -- hint: the shoes play a big role -- check out the rest of the piece at NY Mag.com.
In addition to our on-going Met Gala coverage here today, we also wrote a piece about the craziest looks of the night for NY Mag.com:

"When André Leon Talley shows up in a poncho-cape and it still isn't weird enough to make our list of the top standout ensembles, you know you've thrown an awesome party. And so, with love, we've dished out commendations to our twelve favorite head-scratchers of the night. After all, this kind of high drama tinged with camp -- intentionally or otherwise -- renews our faith in the enduring nuttiness of celebrity attention whores, makes us want to do this job forever, and ultimately deserves a pat on the back."

See who made the grade -- and weigh in on your own favorite So Crazy It's Awesome looks right here.
So, imagine our surprise when, over the course of the last two weeks, we realized that little Miley Cyrus has been looking sort of interesting whilst on the junket for Tyler Perry Presents: Hannah Montana: Book of Secrets: The Movie, or whatever that thing is called:

"We applaud Miley for taking a few risks on her world tour, as if she decided to take at least temporary inspiration from successful actresses and fashion darlings Kate Bosworth and Diane Kruger. It paid off with the edgy silver Hervé Léger minidress she wore in London, possibly the best look Miley's ever trotted out in public: fresh, current, and sophisticated, while seeming effortlessly so. We know; we're stunned, too. But just as big risks often reap big rewards, they can also turn you into Stumpy McNoNeck."

Read more of our take on Miley's evolving wardrobe at NY Mag.com. If I were a tween star, I'd give you the peace sign right now.
In which we finally answer the question, "is it possible for someone from The Hills to design something that ISN'T totally embarrassing and mildly hideous?" Turns out the answer is, "kind of":

"While Whitney's designs won't exactly have Marc Jacobs quaking in his kilt, they're easily the best work any of those Hills girls have churned out. We realize this is faint praise, considering Heidi willingly slapped her name on shorts with a thumb-length inseam but the fact remains that Whitney's efforts could have been way more embarrassing than they are."

High praise indeed. Take a look-see over at NY Mag.com!

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