""What they want us to think: Love blossoms for the only cast member with an actual job ... but the guy lives in New York.Check out the rest of our predictions on NYMag.com. And get ready to roll your eyes: it seems Spencer has grown a goatee.
What's really going to happen: The flirtation with the cardboard male model (they both attended USC -- OMG, destiny!) goes nowhere, because Whitney's only function is to hang up clothing at People's Revolution while quizzing Lauren about her problems."
NYFug.com
" Hard-core tanorexic Blaye referred to his tiny, diaper-tastic, deeply contrived onesie as "girlicious" so often that he probably owes Robin Antin royalties. Worse, he and Suede appear to be moonlighting on America's Next Top Christian Siriano, which is tiresome at best. Did we mention that Suede refers to himself in the third person? Stop that."Click through to read the rest -- and comment, if you're so inclined -- at NY Mag.com
Well Played, Anne Hathaway/NYFug.com
If we'd had a month -- or even a week -- like that, we'd be on day eight of watching Ocean's Eleven while eating only ice cream and not brushing our hair. Instead, Anne has risen from the ashes looking like the proverbial $21 million bucks her ex needs to post bail.
For an examination of four of her Get Smart event outfits, click through to "Anne Hathaway Wages Her Chic Revenge." But the beauty of this timing is, right at the moment our column went up, we noticed a fresh batch of photos that indicate she's discovered new tools of vengeance.
Exhibit A: Nothing yanks the heartstrings of your ex and then pulls them out and around his throat quite like a little trip to Leg City.
I know, I know. Those might be formal shorts. That part doesn't make me so happy. But I'm willing to overlook it, given the fact that her ex of many years is now in prison for allegedly being a stank-ass liar; she is clearly going through an awkward time, and sometimes a broken heart can blind a girl to thinks like the perils of formal shorts. (I would also turn a blind eye to the potential shorts if she would next allow herself to be photographed eating some baked ziti with meat sauce, or something, because she's just getting skinnier and skinnier, and there is a point at which if she shrinks any more her face won't have any room left for her features.)
In general -- hoping desperately that it's just the camera angle and that she is in fact wearing a miniskirt -- Anne looks sort of relaxed and cool and nonchalant. And LEGGY. We're pretty sure that when this photo makes its way into a tabloid, one of the prison guards (or, if he gets out, an anonymous mailing mysteriously also scented with her perfume) will make sure Raffaello Follieri gets a copy so he can weep for that familiar hike up Gam Boulevard that will never happen again. It's like what every girl hopes will happen after a horrible breakup: looking consistently good every time she knows her ex might get a glimpse, so he can see how well she's doing and how smoothly she's moving on with her life.
Exhibit B fits brilliantly into that last point.
"Jennifer Lopez is lovely in Marchesa, sure, but we miss the demi-nudist J.Lo, who would storm the Grammys in the couturier's theatrical translucent tiger print. And with Victoria Beckham's low body-fat percentage and high pride in her waxer, we almost expect to see her in this see-through number tomorrow. At Whole Foods."
Hop on over and read the rest of our column -- "Which Celebs Can Pull Off Couture?" -- if you dare, and be sure to check out the slideshows. John Galliano's alone will make you squeal with mounting glee, especially when you think about how fetching Intern George will look in a hat with a sword on it.
"Would we bump into anyone at the cash bar or pass toilet paper to Ashanti under the stall door? And most important, could we sit through an entire televised event without the comfort of our sweatpants? The answers: Yes, no, and... sort of!"DID we sneak out and put on sweats in the middle of the show? Find out at NY Mag.com.
"[Whitney] Port, on the other hand, existed mostly as the girl who chewed on her pen before asking Lauren what happened last night, yet suddenly we're being asked to care that she's going bi -- bi-coastal, that is -- for People's Revolution and bonding with a manufactured posse of gal pals who are no doubt just as mentally aimless as their fearless leader."Also, get off our lawn! Read more at NY Mag.com
"Win or lose the Cloons, Larson was still guaranteed to come out ahead. To illustrate this, we'll employ a little system we call the Al Reynolds Scale of Social-Ladder Climbing. Assuming a value of zero represents Larson's notoriety prior to hooking up with Himself -- back when she was just a wannabe catwalk queen slinging vodka tonics in the modeling capital of the world, Las Vegas -- let's see where she ranks now that she's gone through the George Clooney tunnel of love and popped out the other side."Please, feel free to check our math at NY Mag.com.
NYFug.com
JESSICA: Speaking of old men, did Noth have something done? He looked different to me.WARNING: There are spoilers in this column, so if you haven't seen the flick yet and you want to go in clean, save it until later or only read the first half. DOUBLE WARNING: This movie is going to make you want to buy shoes. TRIPLE WARNING: Clicking on this link will take you the rest of the column.
HEATHER: He looked freakishly well rested. Like he'd just woken up from the world's longest, most rejuvenating nap.
JESSICA: I prefer my Mr. Big to be more facially rumpled.
So, as you can imagine, we were STOKED about the new 90210. What's not to love? But judging from the recently released promo for the spin-off/sequel/update/remix/whatever we're calling it, it's going to be more of a case of, what's not to love to hate? First off, the clothes are terrible, albeit in a potentially hilarious way. For another, it already feels deeply boring:
"Not even Tristan Wilds, a.k.a. Michael from The Wire, can explain why his character is interesting except for "the way he adapts to Beverly Hills." (Couldn't he have tossed off something like, "Oh, just the way he sold a baby for a Dior phone"?) On 90210: Days of Yore, Emily Valentine slipped drugs into Brandon's drink, then poured gasoline on a parade float and threatened arson when he dumped her. You want this to be appointment television? Give us the sense there's something comparable up these people's designer sleeves."
PS: Just so we're clear -- we're obviously going to watch it. You know that, right? We haven't suffered identical head injuries or anything.
NYFug.com
Well, ANTM X is officially in the books, and although there was nary an endearing/terrifying/jaw-dropping nutter like C6's Jade in the bunch -- tranny-lite Dominique came closest, but get back to us when she's writing beat poetry in the confessional -- the cycle yielded three fairly well-matched finalists who actually TALKED to each other instead of sitting around eating breakfast in sullen silence. Over at New York's site, we debated the merits of the big finale.
Jessica: I especially enjoyed the moment when Miss J was like, "OF COURSE WHITNEY HAS ISSUES! SHE SO FAT!" And Tyra had to step in and be like, "She is only MODEL FAT. Not REALLY fat."
Heather: Now that's a PSA in the making.Jessica: I do think I've learned a valuable lesson. I'm not sure what it is, but I know it's valuable.
In a show of love for our overseas readers, we won't say who won, because we're feeling charitable today. But if you want to catch the rest of our impressions of the victor, her two bounced competitors, and the overall episode, click on over to read the full column.
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