"Hey, Nicky!"
"Dude, your dress is leaking."
"Dude, your dress is leaking."
Paris & Nicky Hilton
February 5, 2010
Chick, By Nicky Fugton
February 5, 2010
Fuggis Fugton
You guys, something spectacular happened. I realized I had TOTALLY FORGOTTEN PARIS HILTON EXISTED.
[Photo: Splash News]
[Photo: Splash News]
It was glorious. And now here she is, looking like she's doing the funky chicken, wearing a super shiny dress I don't necessarily hate but which also makes me wonder if this is what Morena Baccarin's lizard queen on V will look like underneath when she sheds her human skin. You know, Paris Hilton being a secret amphibian alien would explain so much. Maybe she should run with that.
December 22, 2009
Unfug It Up: Paris Hilton
Just the other day, I was standing on the corner near the Beverly Center, waiting to cross the street. And I was looking at all the people in their cars, and I noticed a baby blue Bentley convertible and I thought, "that looks like Paris Hilton's car" -- please, someone beat me senseless with a sock full of quarters because I actually knew that -- and INDEED, who was driving said car but Ms Hilton, talking on her phone and, of course, heading Kitson-ward? It gives me pleasure to inform you that I appeared to be the only person who recognized her. Apparently, however, she has not been erased from our collective consciousness entirely, because someone took a picture of her:
This is one of those things where I feel like if I were to strip away all the bells and whistles, the dress itself might be rather cute. It also might be on of those things where if someone I liked was wearing it -- like, say, I don't know, Kirsten Dunst (where you at, Kiki, by the way?) -- I might see my way to thinking it wasn't overly decked out. As it is now, can this be fixed? Does it need fixing? Do you need me to fix you a drink? Have at it in the comments!
This is one of those things where I feel like if I were to strip away all the bells and whistles, the dress itself might be rather cute. It also might be on of those things where if someone I liked was wearing it -- like, say, I don't know, Kirsten Dunst (where you at, Kiki, by the way?) -- I might see my way to thinking it wasn't overly decked out. As it is now, can this be fixed? Does it need fixing? Do you need me to fix you a drink? Have at it in the comments!
November 2, 2009
Paris and Fug
[Photo: Splash News]
PARIS HILTON: You make a hot Tooth Fairy, dude.
DOUG REINHARDT: I know, babe. And you make a really great showgirl.
PARIS: UGH. You think I'm a showgirl? LAME.
DOUG: Huh? Well what are you, then?
PARIS: I'm the refreshing cool mint taste of Colgate Total with whitening agents, for a sparkling and surprisingly tart clean that leaves your teeth sparkling. DUH.
DOUG: You are?
PARIS: HA. No. I don't even know what those words mean. Nicky taught me that sentence.
DOUG: I knew it. Great showgirl costume, babe.
PARIS: UGH. You think I'm a showgirl? LAME.
DOUG: But I thought you...
PARIS: I'm a SLUTTY BALLERINA with a HEADDRESS FETISH. DUH.
DOUG: Sounds like the same thing to me.
PARIS: That's because you're really stupid, dude. You put the "duh" in "Doug."
DOUG: Oh, yeah, and who taught you THAT one?
PARIS: YOUR MOM.
DOUG: I love you.
PARIS: I love YOU. Let's go inside and have sex on the bar.
DOUG: DONE.
October 29, 2009
The Fugly and the Fugly
On one hand, Paris Hilton's outfit is literally being held together with safety pins.
On the other hand, at least SOMETHING working hard to keep her fully clothed.
On the other hand, at least SOMETHING working hard to keep her fully clothed.
October 22, 2009
Paris Fugton
PARIS: Strike a pose, Nicky! FIERCE! SMIZE! SMIZE FIERCELY!
NICKY: Can I just look bored?
PARIS: NO, NICKY. Be FIERCE.
NICKY: Dude. I just rolled out of bed. I'm trying to just shop like a normal person. Can't I just be a normal person?
PARIS: NO. We NEED ATTENTION. WORK IT.
NICKY: Ugh. I hate being related to you.
October 12, 2009
Fugfugs Fugton
I'm so glad Paris Hilton felt the need to speak to us through fashion.
[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]
Because it wasn't already IMMEDIATELY obvious to anyone within a 100-mile radius that Paris Hilton is always on the prowl.
[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]
Because it wasn't already IMMEDIATELY obvious to anyone within a 100-mile radius that Paris Hilton is always on the prowl.
October 5, 2009
The Fugple Life
[Photo: Splash News]
DOUG: Hey, Paris?
PARIS: Yes, Doug?
DOUG: What time is it?
PARIS: It's... hmm, let me see... Time To Stop Wearing Headbands O'Clock.
DOUG: Are you sure?
PARIS: Let me check again. It could ALSO be Crotch-Flash-Thirty.
DOUG: They BOTH sound right.
PARIS: Oh, no, wait, I can see -- it's actually a quarter past Our 15 Minutes Should Have Been Up Two Years Ago.
DOUG: I KNEW it.
September 29, 2009
My New FugFF
There are days when I wake up and I think, "no one has left the house looking that terribly bad today. Whatever shall I write about?" And then I remember: PARIS HILTON STILL EXISTS.
[Photo: WENN.com]
And she is EXACTLY the sort of person who would wear heels, leggings that find themselves just barely on the correct side of opaque, a stripe-y sequined top, and a hippie headband -- the likes of which I overheard her sister Nicky tell someone she hates while I was at Fashion Week -- to get a coffee. BLESS YOU PARIS. When the rest of the world is all, "ooh, first day of school!" or "ooh, it's fantasy football season," or "ooh, it's cooling off, maybe I'll bake a pie," YOU are thinking, "those celebrity and gossip bloggers need material! TO THE RESCUE! Later, I'll run off with someone's boyfriend, tell the press that I'm pretty sure we're going to get married, get him a job on The Hills, and dump him. YOU DON'T HAVE TO THANK ME."
[Photo: WENN.com]
And she is EXACTLY the sort of person who would wear heels, leggings that find themselves just barely on the correct side of opaque, a stripe-y sequined top, and a hippie headband -- the likes of which I overheard her sister Nicky tell someone she hates while I was at Fashion Week -- to get a coffee. BLESS YOU PARIS. When the rest of the world is all, "ooh, first day of school!" or "ooh, it's fantasy football season," or "ooh, it's cooling off, maybe I'll bake a pie," YOU are thinking, "those celebrity and gossip bloggers need material! TO THE RESCUE! Later, I'll run off with someone's boyfriend, tell the press that I'm pretty sure we're going to get married, get him a job on The Hills, and dump him. YOU DON'T HAVE TO THANK ME."
September 12, 2009
New York Fugshion Week: Day Two
Oh my god, I was just saying to Heather, "you know what I wish would come back in style? Acid-washed mini dresses!"
I FEEL SO LUCKY. I'm going to buy a Lottery ticket!
This...happened....at Charlotte Ronson yesterday, but so did a LOT of things, including Lindsay Lohan MAYBE running in brandishing a gun! (Maybe not. Still. It was fun.)
Also today:
I FEEL SO LUCKY. I'm going to buy a Lottery ticket!
This...happened....at Charlotte Ronson yesterday, but so did a LOT of things, including Lindsay Lohan MAYBE running in brandishing a gun! (Maybe not. Still. It was fun.)
Also today:
- At Preen, famous people worried about skinny people.
- At Monarchy, we were promised New Kids on the Block and we were DENIED. I RAGED. I also managed to write several paragraphs in which I did not refer to AnnaLynne McCord as "Drunkface," which was super tough. Feel my pain.
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